What's the Worst Punishment You've Ever Received?

Week of April 24, 2002

Gary Zambrzuski
Clinical Director, Pap Smear Productions
"My worst punishment? Sitting through a Leftover Salmon show when they spoiled about halfway through -- they get old quick!"

Tom Baril
Photographer/Author, Botanica
"I think my worst punishment was my second wife -- I know it was. My thinking is that I must have done something terribly wrong in a past life."

Leslie Zotz
Business Manager, Ellie Forcella Restaurant
"I was 5, and I wouldn't get my hair curled, so my grandma was chasing me around the house with a flyswatter, and she ran and ran until she was out of breath and finally she cornered me behind the rocking chair and whapped me with that flyswatter. I think that was the day I found a new respect for a 75-year-old woman."

Paul Shore
Associate Professor, St. Louis University
"It was in third grade. I talked and giggled during silent cafeteria. And the teacher on duty, a real witch, she came over wrote down my name in a book and made me sit at the 'naughty table' -- and she told me I was a nasty little boy and that when I got home my parents were going to beat me with a chair."

Maddy Moser
Overdue-Returns Enforcer, Video Nights
"Silence. I was married to a guy who just clammed up when he was mad at me. I had to figure out what the problem was, and it was so incredibly aggravating [because] I'm a big communicator -- I talk! When something's wrong on my end, you'll know it! I want that in return, not the silent treatment!"

"1968, the stockade at Fort Polk, La. They stuck me in the sweatbox with one little bucket and nothing but slop to eat. I'd hit a sergeant, cold-cocked that little bastard. Only thing good about that experience: I learned my lesson. Next time, I'll kill him.

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