"Why did I sign with the Nationals? When you go to a club at 4 in the morning, and you're just waiting, waiting, a 600-pounder looks like J. Lo. And to me this is Jennifer Lopez right here. It's 4 in the morning. Too much to drink. So, Nationals: Jennifer Lopez to me."
Seriously, is that not the greatest thing you've ever heard an athlete say? No, fuck that: that may be the greatest thing that anyone, anywhere, has ever said, period. One day Julian Tavarez will be the only person in Bartlett's, and that quote will be the only thing in the whole damn book. Six hundred blank pages, and then that. And you know what? It will totally be worth the $39.50, just to have that quote on your shelf.
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