Friday, August 28, 2009

Crack-Dealing Coaches, Lying Politicians, Suspected Bombers and a Hummer Dealer: What Do They All Have in Common?

Posted By on Fri, Aug 28, 2009 at 10:27 AM

The Ass Clowns seem to be crawling out of the woodwork this week, especially following Jeff Smith's guilty plea and resignation. Outside the political arena, there were also a few worthy candidates.

So you know the rules: Vote for the following headline-maker whose actions or deeds this week you believe to be the most detestable and/or ludicrous. And the nominees...

1. Todd Lockhart: The poor parents who send their children to the Alton public schools. Earlier this month it was revealed that a high-school band teacher was having sex with a student (the third Alton band leader to face such charges in the past two years). Then this week, police charged Lockhart, a middle-school football and track coach, with dealing crack cocaine. Lockhart, according to police, was in possession of 70 grams of crack, a digital scale and sandwich baggies.

2. Jeff Smith: We're not sure which nugget we liked most from the the criminal case against the former state senator who resigned this week after pleading guilty to two counts of obstructing justice. Was it how Smith encouraged his co-conspirators to blame a dead friend for wrongdoing? How he told a colleague to buy throw-away phones at Wal-Mart so they could corroborate their lies? Or how a smart, rising star could ever get involved with the following Ass Clown...

3. Milton "Skip" Ohlsen: Where to begin with this guy? Ohlsen is the man whose Midas touch is stuck in reverse. Everything he gets involved with (Exhibit A and B) turns to horse manure -- including the congressional campaign of Jeff Smith. Ohlsen is the man whose postcards attacking Russ Carnahan brought down Smith and State Rep. Steve Brown. Ohlsen also kept a "shit list" of enemies on a posterboard in his apartment -- with one of those enemies believed to have been the target of a mysterious, unsolved bombing last year in Clayton.

4. Jim Lynch: Lynch is the Chesterfield auto-dealer (and freedom patriot!) who provides one-stop-shopping for our God-given rights as Americans to drive the biggest, most-polluting vehicles on Earth and lawfully own semi-automatic assault rifles.

Continue on to cast your vote!

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