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Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Can Certified Sex Therapist Dr. Darcy Luadzers Find the Safest Safe Word?

Posted By on Wed, Dec 9, 2009 at 7:16 AM

click to enlarge virginsex.jpg
Daily RFT recently came into possession of Certified Sex Therapist and University of South Carolina Gamecock Dr. Darcy Luadzers' Virgin Sex for Guys and Virgin Sex for Girls. Rather than let Dr. Darcy's work go to waste, we're answering your questions with her verbatim advice!

Today's question:
Dear Dr. Darcy,

My girlfriend and I often engage in consensual BSDM activities: slapping, hitting, choking. You know, the usual. Of course, we use a safe word.

Recently, after a couple of glasses of wine, we enjoyed an especially strenuous session. When we were finished, I remarked to her that I was shocked she didn't use the safe word.

Now, she's claiming that she doesn't remember the evening very well -- and she's charging that I beat her up! So my question is this: Is there a smart way to mix booze and safe words? I mean, sometimes a little wine helps loosen the collar, if you know what I mean, but I can't be responsible if she forgets the word or slurs them and says something ridiculous, like, I don't know, "Ween Cartoons," instead of the agreed-upon phrase. Right?

Rough on Demand
Dr. Darcy's response, after the jump...
 
Dear ROD,

Abusers have a very hard time accepting responsibility for their actions. They twist everything around and make it someone else's fault. They have a very hard time saying they are wrong and then saying they are sorry. Not being able to admit fault also makes it very hard to solve any problem, because they don't think they need to change! They are never wrong! Are you ever wrong? Can YOU say you're sorry?

- Virgin Sex for Guys, p. 269

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