Support Local Journalism. Join Riverfront Times Press Club.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Satan Responds to Pat Robertson's Claim That He Struck a Bargain With Haiti

Posted By on Tue, Jan 19, 2010 at 8:58 AM

Satan has finally gotten around to responding to Pat Robertson's accusations last week that a bargain he struck with Haiti 200 years ago is the reason for all of that nation's misfortunes, including last week's earthquake.

Satan is not having a good week. - FLICKR.COM/PHOTOS/15693951@N00
  • flickr.com/photos/15693951@N00
  • Satan is not having a good week.
In an open letter to the televangelist, printed in the Minneapolis Star-Tribune, the Devil writes:

Dear Pat Robertson, I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I'm all over that action. But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I'm no welcher. The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished. Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth -- glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake. Haven't you seen "Crossroads"? Or "Damn Yankees"? If I had a thing going with Haiti, there'd be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox -- that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it -- I'm just saying: Not how I roll. You're doing great work, Pat, and I don't want to clip your wings -- just, come on, you're making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That's working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract. Best, Satan


Satan used the Star-Tribune as his bully pulpit because he decided to speak via Lily Coyle, a playwright who happens to live in Minneapolis.

Just in case you happened to miss it, here's Robertson offering his own special interpretation of Haitian history:



Tags: , ,

Support Local Journalism.
Join the Riverfront Times Press Club

Local journalism is information. Information is power. And we believe everyone deserves access to accurate independent coverage of their community and state. Our readers helped us continue this coverage in 2020, and we are so grateful for the support.

Help us keep this coverage going in 2021. Whether it's a one-time acknowledgement of this article or an ongoing membership pledge, your support goes to local-based reporting from our small but mighty team.

Join the Riverfront Times Club for as little as $5 a month.

Read the Digital Print Issue

June 9, 2021

View more issues

Newsletters

Never miss a beat

Sign Up Now

Subscribe now to get the latest news delivered right to your inbox.

Best Things to Do In St. Louis

© 2021 Riverfront Times

Website powered by Foundation