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Monday, November 1, 2010

Trick-or-Treaters Are a Pathetic Waste of Time

Posted By on Mon, Nov 1, 2010 at 9:37 AM

click to enlarge You're not funny, urchins. - FLICKR.COM/PHOTOS/TEAMTIREDFEET
  • You're not funny, urchins.
The real joke in our 'hood this Halloween, to be frank, was the quote-unquote entertainment provided by trick-or-treaters.

Oh, they delivered on cuteness, these mini pirates and fairies. But most didn't even bother preparing a routine. No-ho, just kept plunging their chubby stupid child-fingers into our plastic pumpkin.

WTF kiddos? Couldn't get together a shitty knock-knock this year? Did Oct. 31 creep up on you? You must be crazy-busy with all that Kindergarten, and naps. Just who do you bastards think you are?

And then, the jokes we actually did hear were equally disappointing. Here's a sampler (none of these are made-up): 
1) Knock-knock!
Who's there?
Cookie who?
Cookie monster.

Uh what? Secondly, how did you manage to bomb with a tried-and-true formula? Congrats on wasting our time. Here's a Snicker's bar. You're a burden on America.

2) What does a jack-o-lantern do when he gets an owie?
He uses a pumpkin patch.

The pun is kind of awkward, just like your costume - can't tell if you're a ghost or some kind of child laborer. Neither would be funny. But we'll give you an "E" for "Effort-lacking Failure."

You're gonna have to work harder for this. - IMAGE VIA
  • Image via
  • You're gonna have to work harder for this.
Image via
You're gonna have to work harder for this.
3) Why did the vampire kiss the girl?
Because he liked her.

Jesus you're an amateur. Look, maybe that little misdirection killed over across the street, but on our front porch, you come heavy or you don't come at all. Capisce?

4) What kind of crow is highly dangerous?
A crow with a machine gun.

Hmm. Absurdist, with a healthy dollop of nihilism. Also, delivered dead-pan by a kid with braces. Best effort of the night, we would say. You've got talent, kid.

Related content:
Top 10 Halloween Jokes (as Told by Kids Age 3-8)

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