Thursday, December 23, 2010

10 Things to Do This Saturday if You Don't Celebrate Christmas

Posted By on Thu, Dec 23, 2010 at 9:00 AM

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6. Go hunting. Originally we thought shooting range, as a gesture to the notion of peace in the Middle East. See, instead of Jews and Muslims shooting at each other, they can stand together and shoot at something else! Isn't that a beautiful idea? Only the shooting ranges are closed. So go shoot at an animal instead. (And never mind that Jews are so historically bad at hunting that during their 40 years of wandering in the wilderness, they had to depend on manna from heaven for food.)

7. Watch the Cardinals-Cowboys football game. This works only if you have cable and get the NFL Network. And really, honestly have nothing better to do.

8. Chores! What better way to spend a day when there's absolutely nothing to distract you? Get rid of all those dust bunnies hiding in the corners of your home. Pay all those bills that have been piling up since before you had to buy presents for people who insist upon celebrating mid-winter holidays. Best of all, get your taxes in order. Whoo-ee! Also, you have no excuse not to go for a jog or do some yoga (turn the heat way up for a pseudo-Bikram experience and watch your gas bill grow!). The Jewish Community Center is also offering spinning classes. (Some would argue that exercise ought not to be considered a chore. But they're delusional.)

I'd mazel his tov, if you know what I mean. - IMAGE VIA
  • image via
  • I'd mazel his tov, if you know what I mean.

9. Arts and crafts. Think of all the things you did on rainy days when you were a child and were stuck at home with nothing to do. For non-celebrators, Christmas Day is sort of like that. So make like a Lifetime movie and regress to the innocence of youth. Do pointless arts and crafts projects. Put on a puppet show with a pair of old socks (or, if you're feeling really ambitious, some paper bags decorated all pretty). Drag out a mattress or rescue an enormous cardboard box from a Christmas-celebrator's curb and turn it into a house or a flying carpet or get a couple of people to shake it and turn it into a homemade carnival ride. Whole minutes of fun, guaranteed.

click to enlarge Imagine the possibilities...if you still know how. - IMAGE VIA
  • image via
  • Imagine the possibilities...if you still know how.

10. Sleep. It's likely you've spent the past month suffering through holiday parties and enduring Muzak Christmas carols and pleas for money every time you leave the house. Take advantage of the early dark on Christmas Day and indulge in a little sensory deprivation. New Year's Eve will be here before you know it.

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