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Wednesday, July 25, 2012

The 10 Dumbest "Sports" of the Summer Olympics

Posted By on Wed, Jul 25, 2012 at 7:52 AM

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Beach volleyball, a wedge issue.
  • Beach volleyball, a wedge issue.

4. Beach Volleyball
Another example of the IOC chasing pop culture, beach volleyball became an Olympic sport just in time for the 1996 games in Atlanta. It should have ended there. Since then the "sport" has been dominated by the Americans, Brazilians and Australians — the only people who seem to give a shit about this event or, perhaps, the only nations with enough oceanfront and free time to bother fielding a team.

3. Rhythmic Gymnastics Like a dry-land version of synchronized swimming (only campier), rhythmic gymnastics features a team of competitors prancing around to music while waving ribbons and twirling hoops. The sport debuted in the 1984 Olympics when a real gymnast — Mary Lou Retton — was murdering it on her way to Olympic gold and a Wheaties box. Today rhythmic gymnastics is dominated by the Russians, who've swept gold medals at the last three Olympics and are favored to do so again in London.

Apparently we are not the only ones who give women's wrestling the finger.
  • Apparently we are not the only ones who give women's wrestling the finger.

2. Women's Wrestling Remember when the height of women's wrestling involved a kiddie pool, a few dozen packages of Jell-O and a dimly lit stage at a "gentleman's club." It wasn't that long ago. Then came the 2004 games in Athens when the IOC decided to classy up female 'rasslin by officially declaring it an Olympic sport. (As if Vince McMahon and his WWW "Divas" hadn't done enough?) Appearing in its third Olympics this summer, female wrestling is dominated by (who else?) the Japanese — the same people who brought you such bizarre fetishes as Pokemon, MXC (and other bizarre game shows) and hentai (erotic anime). Go figure.

And finally ....

1. Equestrian Dressage Imagine a person sitting atop a horse as it prances, pirouettes and jumps unnaturally around a ring. Congratulations! You've just envisioned the dumbest "sport" of the Olympic games: dressage (pronounced like massage). We're told that the ancient Greeks developed dressage to train horses for war, yet today's version is a far flashier and dubious version of the original. A modern-day equivalent to dressage would be a lowrider competition in which hydraulics make Oldsmobile Cutlasses do things God (and G.M.) never intended. Like this:

Agree with our picks? Disagree? Have a "sport" we forgot? Leave it in the comment section along with your argument.

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