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Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Top Five Pieces of Furniture Barack Obama May Address on Thursday Night

Posted By on Wed, Sep 5, 2012 at 7:31 AM

click to enlarge No offense, Clint; Any Which Way But Loose is a personal favorite. - VIA JAMESURBANIAK.TUMBLR.COM
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  • No offense, Clint; Any Which Way But Loose is a personal favorite.
In case you ain't heard, the ultimate visual prop for any would-be national political convention these days is a piece of furniture. But not just any piece of furniture. You can't walk out there and address a dog-hair covered Barcalounger. C'mon, this is the big leagues. If you want to win over the voting public, you have to hit them with a winner. It has to be relevant, touching, empathetic and absolutely not make you look like a crazy old coot railing at a chair for eleven minutes. 

With that in mind, here are our best guesses as to what object of home decor will be wheeled out onto the stage moments before President Obama delivers his "I'm accepting the nomination" speech on Thursday night. No guarantees any of these are right -- someone in our office has bet a bundle on an antebellum fainting couch purely for the "wow" factor, and they could be right -- but our journamalism senses tell us the following items are the most likely choices.

5. An ultra-patriotic, eagle-encrusted desk
We know what you're thinking: That thing needs more eagles. But if you squint and concentrate, can't you just picture Prez O pointing a finger at this desk and demanding of it, "Mr. Romney proxy, the people deserve to know. Is this where you're hiding all your tax returns?" President Obama should stand well back when he asks that question, because the first ten rows are guaranteed to get wet.

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