Friday, September 21, 2012

A Brief History of the Universe According to Representative Todd Akin

Posted By on Fri, Sep 21, 2012 at 12:00 PM

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Sailing away to a better tomorrow and a freer market.
  • Sailing away to a better tomorrow and a freer market.

1620: Pilgrims came to America to flee the "unbiblical" socialism of Europe: "They came here with the idea that after trying socialism that it wasn't going to work. They realized that it was unbiblical, that it was a form of theft, so they pitched socialism out. They learned that in the early 1620's." (from a 50 minute speech on the House floor about the history of Thanksgiving)

1776: The framers of the constitution prohibit the establishment of a state religion, but still encouraged all to celebrate the birth of Christ.

1836: Despite anachronistic communication barriers, a patriotic Congress sends Davy Crockett all the back-up he needs: "Could you picture Davy Crockett at the Alamo looking at his BlackBerry, getting a message from Congress: 'Davy Crockett, we support you. The only thing is, we are not going to send any troops.' I am sure that would really be impressive to Davy Crockett." (Akin's 2007 explanation for opposing a nonbinding resolution to limit troop levels in Iraq)

1948: The Universal Declaration of Human Rights--written by Eleanor Roosevelt, among others, that designated the rights to basic survival, health care, and education as "human rights"--doesn't actually happen: "There was once a country that doesn't exist right now that had the idea that everybody had a right to certain basic things. For instance, if it gets really cold outside, you should have a right to housing because if you don't have a warm place to live, so you'll freeze to death. So they said everybody should have a right to housing. And if you don't have food to eat, you'll starve to death. So everybody should have a right to food. ... And um, this idea, that because it's essential for your survival to have housing, or food, or education or a job or health care, uh, to say then or to assume that it's a right is to make the same assumption that was made by the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics. We used to call 'em "commies" when I was younger."

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