Support Local Journalism. Join Riverfront Times Press Club.

Monday, October 1, 2012

Embattled Gentleman Seeking "Lady-Like" Supporters for Senate Race

Posted By on Mon, Oct 1, 2012 at 10:05 AM

You can't even tell which one was supposed to be the "lady" at the MoSen debate last week. - IMAGE VIA
  • Image via
  • You can't even tell which one was supposed to be the "lady" at the MoSen debate last week.

Todd Akin just can't stop saying stupid things about women. Last week, after a tense debate with Senator Claire McCaskill, Akin told reporters that his Democratic opponent has not been as "lady-like" as she was in her 2006 re-election bid. Critics claim Akin's words are just further evidence of his flagrant sexism, but we at Daily RFT know that Akin simply longs for the old days "when girls were girls and [Congress]men were men."

Akin has been doing a lot in recent weeks to win back his lady supporters. We wrote er, found this personals ad from Akin's camp, in which he describes his perfect "lady-like" supporters:

Embattled Gentleman Seeking "Lady-Like" Supporters for Senate Race

Married, Christian, father of six seeks ideal female submissives to help with landslide election victory, maybe more. I am an old-fashioned gentleman who believes chivalry--read: patriarchy--will never die. If you're achin' for a change in Congress, I want you to get behind me. Err, lol, how about just under me? ;-)

You: fair-skinned and daintily-built with a temperament to match. Knows that a woman's place is in the House, not the Senate. Or better yet, just in the kitchen. You're into small government but like your personalities bigggg and unwrapped (I mentioned that I have six kids, right?)

You want to be pampered and taken care of at all times... meaning you don't care how much money you and your ladyfriends make. Just as long as there's a man around to pay the bills, you know everything will be just fine.

That also means you're okay with letting us guys do the big thinking. Especially when it comes to your ladyparts. Sometimes things itch, burn, or bleed down there. That's really disgusting and no one wants to hear about it... but you don't even think about whipping out your insurance card before you ask your husband or father what he thinks.

Huge turn-on: a magic vagina.

Ladies, you can bet I don't stray. That's right, no matter what happens I am in it to win it, so expect single-minded, bull-headed commitment from me.

Reply by putting "legitimate" in the subject line, so I know you're real.

Tags: , ,

Support Local Journalism.
Join the Riverfront Times Press Club

Local journalism is information. Information is power. And we believe everyone deserves access to accurate independent coverage of their community and state. Our readers helped us continue this coverage in 2020, and we are so grateful for the support.

Help us keep this coverage going in 2021. Whether it's a one-time acknowledgement of this article or an ongoing membership pledge, your support goes to local-based reporting from our small but mighty team.

Join the Riverfront Times Club for as little as $5 a month.

Read the Digital Print Issue

August 4th, 2021

View more issues


Never miss a beat

Sign Up Now

Subscribe now to get the latest news delivered right to your inbox.

Best Things to Do In St. Louis

© 2021 Riverfront Times

Website powered by Foundation