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Friday, October 5, 2012

5 Things to Say to People So They Stop Talking About Baseball: #realtalk

Posted By on Fri, Oct 5, 2012 at 9:20 AM

The author during playoffs.
  • The author during playoffs.

Sometimes a journalist has gotta say the things no one else will say. So here goes nothing.

There are probably three people in the greater metropolitan region who like me, have no interest getting wrapped up in the whirlwind of disappointment that is serious Cardinalmania. But as we take on the Braves tonight in Atlanta, the city presents few alternatives.

During playoffs, what becomes of the very casual Cards fans or--dare I say it--those who really don't care for baseball at all? The obsessive recitals of batting averages and woeful tales of 1987 can feel like a prison sentence. Just keep nodding, and grinning, and baring it. Mouthing off about the Great American Pastime is guaranteed to make you look like an asshole this month.

My reviled compatriots, if you're starring down a mega-fan and looking for an out--something between enduring another tedious monologue and looking like a huge killjoy b**** to your friends/lovers--I got you. #staystrong:

1. Say something about the Premier League

"And it's Arsenal, Arsenal FC! We're by far the greatest team the world has ever seen!" The Arch just vomited.
  • "And it's Arsenal, Arsenal FC! We're by far the greatest team the world has ever seen!" The Arch just vomited.

I may not have baseball in my blood, but I do love soccer and apparently it's the one sport no one in these parts can stand. A sample conversation:

Someone: Blah blah has been batting at .218 for the last four weeks, blah blah

Me: Oh yeah I know, Arsenal really needs to pick up their D, too. When did they forget how to derail a set-piece?--BAM! [<--- that's the sound of that conversation dying].

If someone is boring you to death with their Cards talk, counter with something that may seem just as tedious to them. You'll end the conversation without [consciously] offending your companion. To a midwest sports fan, the Premier League is the ultimate boner killer.

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