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Tuesday, March 5, 2013

The 13 Best Fat Baseball Players of All Time

Posted By on Tue, Mar 5, 2013 at 8:45 AM

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10. John Kruk

Ah, John Kruk. Scion of cheap beer swilling neanderthals everywhere, not to mention the most Eastbound & Down of any player on this list. (That's right, Eastbound & Down can be used as an adjective. Webster's says so. Look it up.)

Looking at Kruk's career numbers, it's rather startling to see his home run total. In 1,200 major league baseball games, Kruk hit 100 home runs. As a first baseman. His highest total ever for a season was 21 in 1991. The game has clearly changed a bit since those days, it seems.

Kruk also merits inclusion in a list of worst mullets to ever grace the ballpark. He was, in short, a true specimen.

9. David Wells

David_Wells_Shrug.jpg

David Wells once threw a perfect game with a hangover, and he played with gout. Those are the most important facts I know about David Wells. So, you know, just because you're a binge drinker or have a Medieval ailment associated with consuming too much meat and alcohol doesn't mean you can't be a successful big leaguer. Reach for the stars, kids!

He also pitched for every team under the sun, some of them a couple times, and was pretty damned good for most of his career, too. Oh, and he looked like the kind of guy whose palm would always be damp when he shook your hand, and you would never be able to figure out why.

8 & 7. The Fielders

click to enlarge IMAGE VIA

The father and son are a packaged deal. It just has to be that way.Prince Fielder is a much, much better player than his father ever was, a bona fide star slugger in an era full of them. Cecil had the long strange trip style career, playing in Japan before coming back to America and hitting a ton of home runs over a brief period of time. Never a great hitter, but sweet Jesus could he hit the ball a long way when he connected. Sort of John Daly kind of thing, you know? Must be something about fat dudes that makes them want to swing for the fences.

6. CC Sabathia

(He's the one in the middle, not the yellow one.) - IMAGE VIA
  • Image Via
  • (He's the one in the middle, not the yellow one.)

He's one of the better pitchers of the past decade, and he is an enormous human being. He's won a Cy Young award, is probably the best bet of any current pitcher to actually reach the magical 300 win mark in his career, and, again, that's a big sumbitch. Just saying.

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