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Monday, August 5, 2013

Average Penis Size in Missouri Is "Microscopic," But St. Louis Men Are Well Endowed (REPORT)

Posted By on Mon, Aug 5, 2013 at 8:45 AM

click to enlarge Hey, it's what you do with it, all right? - MCONNORS
  • mconnors
  • Hey, it's what you do with it, all right?

Vital information for your Monday morning, St. Louis.

According to a recent study put out by the website Condomania, the average penis size in Missouri is "microscopic." It's one step above "subatomic," but still. Microscopic?!

Luckily, there is better news here locally: St. Louis is one of the better hung cities in the country.

Unlike a lot of "studies" that rank various cultural factors across our great nation, this one might not be total BS. The data is based off of the site's sales of custom-fit condoms and takes into account 27,000 men's orders. The condoms come in 55 sizes, and you're supposed to measure the unit for both length and girth (They provide a handy guide here).

See also: - St. Louis One Step Closer To Legalizing Sale Of Condoms, Ending 1934 Law - St. Louis Native Guides Singles Through Online Dating With "Profile Wingman" Service - Masters of Sex, Based on Masters and Johnson, Releases First Trailer (VIDEO)

This has Missouri pegged at "microscopic" on the map that Buzzfeed put together and ranks us No. 36 out of 50 states. We've bested Wyoming, Utah, Iowa, Kentucky, South Carolina, West Virginia, Delaware and Alaska who are all classified "subatomic." Louisiana, Oregon, New York, Indiana and New Hampshire weighed in as "equine."

But the site also ranked cities individually. By comparison, St. Louis is doing just fine. Must be a lot of teeny weenies in the greater state throwing off our average. Here's the list, as provided by Daily Finance:

  • 1. New Orleans
  • 2. Washington DC
  • 3. San Diego
  • 4. New York City
  • 5. Phoenix
  • 6. Portland
  • 7. Atlanta
  • 8. San Francisco
  • 9. Chicago
  • 10. St. Louis
  • 11. Seattle
  • 12. Miami
  • 13. Indianapolis
  • 14. Columbus
  • 15. Boston
  • 16. Denver
  • 17. Los Angeles
  • 18. Detroit
  • 19. Philadelphia
  • 20. Dallas/Ft. Worth

Then again, in our enlightened age we all know size doesn't matter, right? Our own Masters and Johnson proved that. And take inspiration from this fella, the winner of the "Smallest Penis in Brooklyn" competition, who recently told the blog Gothamist that he is "proud" of his title and that "I have a very positive body image of myself, and it upsets [me] when others do not."

(If anyone would rise to the occasion of starting a "Smallest Penis in St. Louis" contest, Daily RFT would love to hear about it. Contact info below...)

Follow Jessica Lussenhop on Twitter at @Lussenpop. E-mail the author at Jessica.Lussenhop@RiverfrontTimes.com.

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