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Thursday, September 19, 2013

Eight Arrr-ful Pirate Jokes in Honor of Today Being "Talk Like a Pirate Day"

Posted By on Thu, Sep 19, 2013 at 2:43 PM

Aaaarrrh, it's everyone favorite holiday, Talk Like a Pirate Day! Yes, today marks that time of year when we can celebrate our love of those murderous, raping, slave-having sea bandits -- or, uh, those heartwarming rapscallions who plied the seven seas in search of buried treasure. Ahoy!

In honor of today's holiday and our love for the buffoonish buccaneers of yore Daily RFT is proud to present our eight favorite pirate jokes.

1. A grizzled pirate captain runs into an old friend on the street. The old friend says, "I haven't seen you in a while, you look awful! What happened to your leg?" The pirate answers, "Got it shot off by a cannon ball. Got me a peg leg now."

"And what happened to your hand?" asks the old friend. The pirate replies, "Got it cut off in a sword fight. The surgeon fixed me right up and gave me this here hook."

"What about the eye-patch?" the old friend asks.

"A bird pooped in my eye, and I tried to wipe it away."

2. What's a pirate's worst nightmare on a blind date? A sunken chest and no booty!

click to enlarge VIA FLICKR, OLIVIER BRUCHE
  • via Flickr, Olivier Bruche

3. A pirate walks into a bar with his ship's steering wheel sticking out of his pants. The bartender says, "Hey, buddy, what's the deal with the steering wheel?'

The Pirate responds, "Arrrr, it's driving me nuts."

4. How much did it cost for the pirate to get his ears pierced? A buck-an-ear!

click to enlarge VIA FLICKR, SINCERE FINCHY
  • via Flickr, Sincere Finchy

via Flickr, Sincere Finchy
5. How do pirates know that they are pirates? They think, therefore they ARRRR!

6. A pirate and his parrot were adrift in a lifeboat after their ship sunk. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, the pirate stumbled across an old lamp. He rubbed the lamp vigorously, and to his amazement a genie came forth!

The genie told the pirate that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three, but before the words were out of his mouth the pirate blurted out, "Turn the entire ocean into rum!" The genie clapped his hands and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest rum the world had every seen. The genie vanished. The parrot, who had remained silent until now, looked disgustedly at the pirate and after a tension-filled moment spoke: "Squaaak! Now you've done it! We're going to have to piss in the boat now! Sqaaaauk!"

7. Where did the one-legged pirate go for breakfast? IHOP!

8. Why did the pirate fail his advanced pirating exam? He had ship for brains.

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