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Monday, November 4, 2013

Author Daniel Stern: In the Swinging Lifestyle, You'll Face Ball-Crushing Rejection Daily

Posted By on Mon, Nov 4, 2013 at 8:00 AM

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Daily RFT: Once you finally got a response, though, what then? Did you feel any trepidation -- or regret -- when the time came to actually go through with it?

Daniel Stern: You have a lot of expectations and hope going into it. Some things so basic as, "Is their picture really what they look like?" or, "Is that chemistry we had over e-mail going to translate into real life?" And then finally if you get into the actual act of sex, how is that going to go? Will I please her, or them? Will I be able to perform?

Daily RFT: That sounds like a lot of anxiety. Did that ever affect your, um, performance?

Daniel Stern: I've been lucky. I haven't had any issues with that. I ascribe it to the fact that I spent all that time getting to know these people. Yes, there were physical mechanics I was focusing on and trying to improve on, but I had this relationship with them as real people, and that put me at ease.

Daily RFT: OK, we're dying to know: What was your very first lifestyle "encounter" like?

Daniel Stern: The experience wasn't the best for a few reasons.

One, we had battling body types. She was a little larger, and we weren't very compatible that way. The other thing was her bed: It was like this raised princess bed, and I had to pull myself up and roll on to it. She had these silk or satin sheets, and they didn't absorb body sweat. And she had very soft mattress. It was sort of like we were on this bouncy house Slip 'N Slide. It wasn't very fulfilling.

The cherry on top of that awful sundae was when we finished and we're lying in bed, she says, "Well, I'm officially no longer a virgin." And I sort of laughed and said, "Yeah, this was my first time too using the site." And she looks at me, and says, "No, that was my first time."

So I was really her first. I didn't see her again. It taught me you have to ask all the questions upfront. You have to be thorough.

Daily RFT: Last question. You've seen numerous couples up close and very, very personal. Have you picked up any insights for building healthy sexual relationships?

Daniel Stern: The couples that were the most at ease in their relationships were the ones that were open to discussing anything. Not doing -- but discussing anything. Everyone has a thought or daydream that they're a little embarrassed about, but the couples that will discuss it with each other are closer and happier because they don't feel awkward about it.

Follow Danny Wicentowski on Twitter at @D_Towski. E-mail the author at

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