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Thursday, January 12, 2017

Missouri-Born Asshole Outsmarts NFL, California

Posted By on Thu, Jan 12, 2017 at 12:00 PM

He's a goober, but he's our goober. - PETER POWELL/EPA/NEWSCOM
  • Peter Powell/EPA/Newscom
  • He's a goober, but he's our goober.

Dean Spanos, a billionaire Californian and alumnus of the University of the Pacific, rose to the presidency of the San Diego Chargers through grit and determination, and certainly not because his father owned the team. Last night he fulfilled his destiny by finally pulling the trigger on his oft-made threats, and announced he was leaving San Diego for Los Angeles and the imagined financial windfall engendered by a new stadium.

But Deano has been outwitted by a lanky, taciturn Missourian — and he doesn't even know it yet.

The Missourian is billionaire land baron and amateur wig model E. Stanley Kroenke. He is Dean's new landlord, because he had the foresight to start building his own dream LA stadium last year.

Kroenke, a self-made man who discovered a loophole in the system — if you marry a billionaire heiress you can still claim the "self-made" thing — will now collect all the stadium's revenue streams. On top of that, Spanos has to pay Kroenke rent for his half of the stadium and cover the cable bill on alternate months.

Say what you will about the financial intricacies of running a football team in a salary cap league, but one thing is clear — E. Stanley Kroenke has finally won his fantasy accountants league.

Rich guys really do finish first in America. Who knew?

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