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Tuesday, April 17, 2018

Dude Is Stabbed Trying to Get a Waffle in O’Fallon in Total Brunch Bummer

Posted By on Tue, Apr 17, 2018 at 12:36 PM


Way out in the uncivilized Wild West that is O’Fallon, Missouri, a man was attacked out of nowhere by a breakfast-hating thug.

This all went down around 7:30 a.m. last Friday morning — yes, Friday the 13th. The St. Louis Post Dispatch reports that the victim was just minding his own damn business and making himself a waffle at the breakfast bar at the Residence Inn in the St. Charles County exurb when a man popped up behind him like some kind of evil prairie dog and proceeded to cut his face and stab him in the shoulder with a pair of scissors.

Yes, this is the world that we live in: a world where a man can’t get his gosh-dang continental breakfast without getting Freddy Krueger’d.

The victim reported having spoken to the alleged attacker just moments before the altercation and said that they had a friendly interaction about the juice options. No, not The Juice, but OJ Simpson was into stabbing, too.

The alleged attacker, Vincent Sansone of Laquey, Missouri, apparently “has a history of narcotics charges and a pending domestic assault charge.” And now he’s been charged with second-degree assault and armed criminal action, both felonies. He will only be allowed to emerge from the pokey if he can come up with $100,000 cash for the bond.

All-in-all, this is a waffle-y terrible story.

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