Wednesday, December 12, 2018

Missourians Rank in Top Ten for Longest Porn-Viewing Session Times

Posted By on Wed, Dec 12, 2018 at 1:16 PM

click to enlarge FLICKR/M. M. SAND
Stamina. Endurance. Virility. Persistence.

These words define the sexual experience of the average Missourian, as surely as the words "stout" and "portly" accurately describe our typical corn-fed, pass-the-t-ravs body type. Marathon lovemaking sessions are just par for the course here — a simple matter of fact, even if it's one that's not been backed by any real scientific data.

That is, until now.



Pornhub has just released its Year in Review statistics, measuring the viewing habits of those who use its website across a staggering number of metrics, including the average age of visitors (35.5 years old); the most-searched terms in America ("milf" appears at the top, with "step mom" and "fortnite" making appearances as well); and even a look at how major broadcast television events affected traffic (porn viewership was down 5 percent during Big Bang Theory's season 11 premiere, for example).

Amidst all of this unsettlingly specific data, though, is a little point of pride for the good people of Missouri: proof positive of our prodigious pornographic patience.

Indeed, the Show-Me-State lives up to its nickname by landing on a list of the ten states that spend the longest amount of time on the site per viewing session. Coming in at number seven, indefatigable Missourians average 11 minutes and 2 seconds per visit, beating the national average by a whopping 27 seconds and absolutely humiliating our neighboring Kansas — the state with the shortest viewing times in the country — by a full 1 minute and 41 seconds. (Get your shit together, Kansas. Embarrassing.)

click to enlarge 1-pornhub-insights-2018-year-review-time-spent-per-visit-united-states.png

Missouri just barely beat out the apparently similarly endurance-gifted state of Georgia by just 1 second, and landed just 4 seconds behind a two-way tie between Louisiana and Tennessee. Mississippi came in first, with a staggering 11 minutes and 23 seconds per visit. (That's the spirit, Mississippi!)

Interestingly, five out of the ten longest-viewing states border the Mississippi River, and none of the shortest-viewing states do. Maybe it's something in the water?

In any case, the stats prove what we Missourians have long known: We may be fat and our men may have small penises, but we're also suave casanovas sure to give our sexual partners nearly 30 entire more seconds of ecstasy than your average American.

In your fucking face, Kansas.
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