Support Local Journalism. Join Riverfront Times Press Club.

Tuesday, January 29, 2019

Slow-Motion Nightmare Continues as Loop Trolley Multiplies

Posted By on Tue, Jan 29, 2019 at 10:40 AM

click to enlarge Heeere's the new trolley! - COURTESY OF LOOP TROLLEY CO.
  • Heeere's the new trolley!

A new trolley car was delivered to the Loop Trolley Co.'s headquarters on Delmar this morning. Experts predict that adding a third car to the service will increase collision rates by 33 percent.

Trolley operators heralded the arrival of the circa-1920 car, saying it would allow them to torment motorists with greater consistency. They also suggested they would use the car to further inconvenience Loop denizens with miles and miles of federally mandated testing.

“Following post-delivery inspection and operator training, the Loop Trolley Company will begin testing the third trolley car,” Loop Trolley Company Executive Kevin Barbeau said in a press release. “Due to the stop-and-go nature of this testing, most test activities will occur in the early morning hours. Once the third car is ready for service, the three cars will rotate so there is always one car on standby.”

Local drivers could not be reached for comment because they were too busy screaming into the abyss.

Judy Garland, however, turned over in her grave and gasped out the following ditty:

Clang, Clang, Clang go the trolleys,
Ding, Ding, Ding into cars!
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! shout the people,
Street parking officially hell!

  • Sign up for our weekly newsletters to get the latest on the news, things to do and places to eat delivered right to your inbox.
  • Follow us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.

Tags: , , ,

Support Local Journalism.
Join the Riverfront Times Press Club

Local journalism is information. Information is power. And we believe everyone deserves access to accurate independent coverage of their community and state. Our readers helped us continue this coverage in 2020, and we are so grateful for the support.

Help us keep this coverage going in 2021. Whether it's a one-time acknowledgement of this article or an ongoing membership pledge, your support goes to local-based reporting from our small but mighty team.

Join the Riverfront Times Club for as little as $5 a month.

Read the Digital Print Issue

January 19, 2022

View more issues


Never miss a beat

Sign Up Now

Subscribe now to get the latest news delivered right to your inbox.

Best Things to Do In St. Louis

© 2022 Riverfront Times

Website powered by Foundation