Somewhere in the West Wing, a social media staffer collected a paycheck last week for naming an official U.S. government agricultural website after the internet’s most famous adult content platform. That person is still employed. The website is still live. And America’s farmers, who are currently getting absolutely torched by tariffs, spiking fuel costs, and a war in Iran disrupting fertilizer supply routes, are presumably thrilled to know that the administration’s response was to register OnlyFarms.gov.
Yes. OnlyFarms.gov. A real .gov domain. Paid for with your tax dollars. Deliberately styled to look like OnlyFans, right down to the swooping logo font, with the White House rendered inside the O where the camera aperture usually sits. The tagline: “Delivering for Farmers & Rural America.”
You truly cannot make this up, and yet here we are.
The site was introduced during a White House “Celebration of American Agriculture” event on March 27, 2026. The platform functions as a landing page on the White House website showcasing video clips of President Trump interacting with farmers and includes an interactive map where users can click on individual states to see how many family farms were supposedly saved by the administration’s tax legislation. It opens, because of course it does, with footage of Trump in a cowboy hat.
Trump was flanked at the event by one gold tractor and one red, white, and blue tractor, with the gold one quickly catching the president’s attention. “That’s a beautiful tractor. That’s a gold tractor. Somebody had me in mind,” he said as the crowd laughed. “That’s a hell of a tractor.” Eight hundred farmers watched a 79-year-old man admire a gold tractor while their profit margins evaporated.
The internet, naturally, did not let this pass quietly. The jokes wrote themselves at industrial speed.
“Finally, a platform where farmers can post their hottest crops, exclusive tractor content, and premium hay bales behind a paywall,” wrote one account. “Trump’s next executive order: ‘Subscribe for the uncensored corn footage.'” Another user simply posted a photo of an elderly farmer with the caption “My grandfather after joining OnlyFarms.”
But the most devastating response came not from the left, not from late-night TV, but from a Republican congressman from Kentucky who is also, per his own X bio, an actual farmer. Rep. Thomas Massie looked at the White House’s new porn-parody agricultural propaganda website and fired off two separate posts that landed like a combine harvester on a sedan. “Your tax dollars are paying for the USDA to parody a porn site. They should delete the tweet and the URL,” he wrote in the first. In the second, replying directly to the White House account, he delivered the line of the week: “Can you arrest Epstein’s co-conspirators instead of riffing on a porn site?”
That reply promptly ratioed the White House post. Even Marjorie Taylor Greene piled on, calling the original post “gross” and adding, “Thomas Massie is right, which is why his comment ratioed the WH gross post comparing farmers to porn stars.” When Marjorie Taylor Greene and Thomas Massie are your unified opposition, something has gone very wrong in your communications department.
California Governor Gavin Newsom’s office, which has elevated trolling the Trump administration into something approaching performance art, posted: “The White House spent more time launching a parody porn website than lowering your gas prices this week.”
The timing of all this would be darkly funny if the underlying situation weren’t genuinely grim. A majority of farmers responding to a recent Farm Journal survey reported they were either “much worse off” or “somewhat worse off” than they were a year ago, with Trump’s tariffs having harmed American agricultural exports and the war in Iran raising prices for fuel and fertilizer. Some Arkansas farmers who voted for Trump are reportedly facing the loss of multi-generational family farms due to the economic pressure.
The administration’s answer to that crisis was an interactive map, a cowboy hat, a gold tractor, and a website named after an adult content platform. The White House has not addressed why they chose the name. They have continued to promote it through official channels.
Somewhere, a Kerry Katona fan is reading about OnlyFarms.gov and feeling deeply understood.
