December 13, 2012

13 Political Figures We'll Miss in 2013

We present these thirteen political figures the nation will miss in 2013.
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Donald Trump
Saying we'll "miss" Donald Trump is wishful thinking. We know he's going to find some way to stick around and fester in 2013, but that's really up to all of us--if we pay no attention to him, he should just go away, right? Crap, we're talking about him. Sorry you have to look at his puckered-up catcher's mitt of a face. 
Gage Skidmore
Donald Trump
Saying we'll "miss" Donald Trump is wishful thinking. We know he's going to find some way to stick around and fester in 2013, but that's really up to all of us--if we pay no attention to him, he should just go away, right? Crap, we're talking about him. Sorry you have to look at his puckered-up catcher's mitt of a face. 
Karl Rove
Somewhere, Karl Rove is still furiously scribbling scenarios on his little whiteboard explaining how Romney can win Ohio.
Karl Rove
Somewhere, Karl Rove is still furiously scribbling scenarios on his little whiteboard explaining how Romney can win Ohio.
Dick Morris
Dick Morris, the "pollster" who kept insisting Romney would win in a landslide, recently admitted he was saying that to make Republicans feel better. He's like Nate Silver, if Nate Silver never took a statistics class and was a liar.
Dick Morris
Dick Morris, the "pollster" who kept insisting Romney would win in a landslide, recently admitted he was saying that to make Republicans feel better. He's like Nate Silver, if Nate Silver never took a statistics class and was a liar.
Todd Akin
On the "Old Republican Men Who Say Stupid Things About Rape" all-star team, Akin was the captain, leading scorer, and face of the franchise. That's not a good thing, obviously, and his cold, dead political career is proof of that. Sometimes voters have a way to "shut that whole thing down."
Todd Akin
On the "Old Republican Men Who Say Stupid Things About Rape" all-star team, Akin was the captain, leading scorer, and face of the franchise. That's not a good thing, obviously, and his cold, dead political career is proof of that. Sometimes voters have a way to "shut that whole thing down."
Richard Mourdock
The Pippen to Akin's Jordan on the "Old Republican Men Who Say Stupid Things About Rape" all-star team. 
Richard Mourdock
The Pippen to Akin's Jordan on the "Old Republican Men Who Say Stupid Things About Rape" all-star team. 
Rick Santorum
From the dogmatism to the sweater vests, Rick Santorum was like Ned Flanders come-to-life. After over-performing in the primaries, Santorum faded away to relative obscurity. If you want a reminder about who he is, just google "Santorum." 
Rick Santorum
From the dogmatism to the sweater vests, Rick Santorum was like Ned Flanders come-to-life. After over-performing in the primaries, Santorum faded away to relative obscurity. If you want a reminder about who he is, just google "Santorum." 
Hermain Cain
Did he really think chanting "9-9-9" would solve all of America's problems? Why did he keep quoting the Pokemon movie? Why was Mark Block smoking in his infamous ad? Herman Cain's campaign raised a lot of questions before it was derailed by allegations of sexual promiscuity, but he was undoubtedly one of the more entertaining and original figures of 2012. Please come back in 2016, Herman, we miss you.
Gage Skidmore
Hermain Cain
Did he really think chanting "9-9-9" would solve all of America's problems? Why did he keep quoting the Pokemon movie? Why was Mark Block smoking in his infamous ad? Herman Cain's campaign raised a lot of questions before it was derailed by allegations of sexual promiscuity, but he was undoubtedly one of the more entertaining and original figures of 2012. Please come back in 2016, Herman, we miss you.
Scott Brown
Scott Brown found out that holding onto Ted Kennedy's Senate seat as a republican was going to take a little more than a owning pickup truck and flashing a smile. It was going to take, you know, being a democrat. 
Scott Brown
Scott Brown found out that holding onto Ted Kennedy's Senate seat as a republican was going to take a little more than a owning pickup truck and flashing a smile. It was going to take, you know, being a democrat. 
Joe Lieberman
The Connecticut Independent deserves praise for illiciting true bipartisanship from both Republicans and Democrats who hate him.
Joe Lieberman
The Connecticut Independent deserves praise for illiciting true bipartisanship from both Republicans and Democrats who hate him.
Allen West
"Abraham Lincoln only served one term in Congress," West said this year after losing his congressional seat, marking the last time anyone will ever compare the Tea Party favorite to President Lincoln.
Allen West
"Abraham Lincoln only served one term in Congress," West said this year after losing his congressional seat, marking the last time anyone will ever compare the Tea Party favorite to President Lincoln.