December 17, 2012

25 Worst People of 2012

Violent creeps, pedophiles and morons, here are 25 people who made our worst list this year. By Pete Kotz.
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25. Edgard Dubon
Edgard Dubon was prepared for the caper of a lifetime. At 3:30 a.m. in Darien, Connecticut, he dove into a large charity bin used by people to drop off unwanted clothes for the poor. If he was lucky, he would walk away from his epic heist with a complete wardrobe of plus-sized floral dresses. Perhaps even a Connecticut Huskies T-shirt!
Sadly, Dubon neglected to properly chart his getaway. Once inside the bin, he found himself unable to climb back out. He tried calling the charity for assistance, but no one answered the phone. Nor could he call a friend, since assholes who rip off charities tend to be short in this department. That left him one option: 911.
Despite being overcome by laughter and mockery, fire crews managed to use bolt cutters to rescue the dimwitted bandit. Dubon was charged with larceny and criminal mischief.
25. Edgard Dubon

Edgard Dubon was prepared for the caper of a lifetime. At 3:30 a.m. in Darien, Connecticut, he dove into a large charity bin used by people to drop off unwanted clothes for the poor. If he was lucky, he would walk away from his epic heist with a complete wardrobe of plus-sized floral dresses. Perhaps even a Connecticut Huskies T-shirt!

Sadly, Dubon neglected to properly chart his getaway. Once inside the bin, he found himself unable to climb back out. He tried calling the charity for assistance, but no one answered the phone. Nor could he call a friend, since assholes who rip off charities tend to be short in this department. That left him one option: 911.

Despite being overcome by laughter and mockery, fire crews managed to use bolt cutters to rescue the dimwitted bandit. Dubon was charged with larceny and criminal mischief.

24. Susan Cole
She was hoping to avoid jury duty, since it would interfere with her jet-setting career selling anti-aging cream for Mary Kay. So Susan Cole showed up for her casting call dressed as an Alabama trophy wife pretending to be crazy -- complete with mismatched shoes, curlers in her hair, and enough makeup to build chemical weapons for the Syrian government. A judge promptly dismissed her. 
She would have gotten away with it -- if she hadn't called in to a Denver radio show to boast of her cunning performance. A judge happened to be listening and ordered Cole tracked down. In November, she pleaded guilty to perjury and attempted influence of a public servant.
24. Susan Cole

She was hoping to avoid jury duty, since it would interfere with her jet-setting career selling anti-aging cream for Mary Kay. So Susan Cole showed up for her casting call dressed as an Alabama trophy wife pretending to be crazy -- complete with mismatched shoes, curlers in her hair, and enough makeup to build chemical weapons for the Syrian government. A judge promptly dismissed her.

She would have gotten away with it -- if she hadn't called in to a Denver radio show to boast of her cunning performance. A judge happened to be listening and ordered Cole tracked down. In November, she pleaded guilty to perjury and attempted influence of a public servant.
23. Ashley Brooker
When police in Stillwater, Minnesota first encountered her, Ashley Brooker was manically digging through her car in a hospital parking lot, searching for her boyfriend's severed finger. Her face exhibited multiple scars, as if she'd been gnawed on by a famished wolverine who'd just finished a very taxing no-carb diet.
Upon questioning, Brooker remembered that the finger wasn't missing after all; she'd just delivered her boyfriend to the hospital for a minor injury. Nor had she been assaulted by a dieting wolverine. Her facial wounds had magically arrived during a six-day meth bender. But her conspicuous parking lot search did lead the cops to bust her boyfriend for possession.
23. Ashley Brooker

When police in Stillwater, Minnesota first encountered her, Ashley Brooker was manically digging through her car in a hospital parking lot, searching for her boyfriend's severed finger. Her face exhibited multiple scars, as if she'd been gnawed on by a famished wolverine who'd just finished a very taxing no-carb diet.

Upon questioning, Brooker remembered that the finger wasn't missing after all; she'd just delivered her boyfriend to the hospital for a minor injury. Nor had she been assaulted by a dieting wolverine. Her facial wounds had magically arrived during a six-day meth bender. But her conspicuous parking lot search did lead the cops to bust her boyfriend for possession.
22. Dr. Michele Koo
Like any good professional, Dr. Michele Koo uses her website to advertise her skills. The problem is that she's a plastic surgeon. Her specialty is breast enlargement. And her patients weren't happy that she was posting their before-and-after boob shots -- complete with their full names -- on her website for the entire world to see.
One patient said she was unaware of the St. Louis doctor's advertising until she was traveling for work. She noticed that some IT guys in an office she was visiting were treating her oddly. That's when a colleague asked her if she'd ever searched her name in Google images. When the woman did so, she was horrified to find that the internet was awash with photos of her rebuilt mammaries. 
A lawyer representing the woman discovered that Koo may have featured up to 29 patients on her website.
drmichelekoo.com
22. Dr. Michele Koo

Like any good professional, Dr. Michele Koo uses her website to advertise her skills. The problem is that she's a plastic surgeon. Her specialty is breast enlargement. And her patients weren't happy that she was posting their before-and-after boob shots -- complete with their full names -- on her website for the entire world to see.

One patient said she was unaware of the St. Louis doctor's advertising until she was traveling for work. She noticed that some IT guys in an office she was visiting were treating her oddly. That's when a colleague asked her if she'd ever searched her name in Google images. When the woman did so, she was horrified to find that the internet was awash with photos of her rebuilt mammaries.

A lawyer representing the woman discovered that Koo may have featured up to 29 patients on her website.
21. Ashley Holton
Thirty-five-year-old Ashley Holton was out for a drive in Ocala, Florida when she was struck by rampaging sexual urges that… Just. Couldn't. Wait. So she pulled over on the highway, got out of her car wearing only a pink shirt, and began to engage in masturbatory delight. 
This naturally caught the attention of fellow motorists, who began to back up traffic and make U-turns in hopes of finding better seats for this extraordinary one-woman play. It would take a half-hour before the cops arrived, but let it not be said that Lady Holton lacks stamina. Bummed that officers had interrupted her public bout of self-pleasuring, she bit and kicked a cop who tried to wrestle her pants back on.  
Then, back at the jail, Holton "continued to resist the officers by spreading her legs, exposing her vagina and telling the officers to kiss her there," according to the arrest report.
21. Ashley Holton

Thirty-five-year-old Ashley Holton was out for a drive in Ocala, Florida when she was struck by rampaging sexual urges that… Just. Couldn't. Wait. So she pulled over on the highway, got out of her car wearing only a pink shirt, and began to engage in masturbatory delight.

This naturally caught the attention of fellow motorists, who began to back up traffic and make U-turns in hopes of finding better seats for this extraordinary one-woman play. It would take a half-hour before the cops arrived, but let it not be said that Lady Holton lacks stamina. Bummed that officers had interrupted her public bout of self-pleasuring, she bit and kicked a cop who tried to wrestle her pants back on.

Then, back at the jail, Holton "continued to resist the officers by spreading her legs, exposing her vagina and telling the officers to kiss her there," according to the arrest report.
20. Rafael Davis
The next time the L.A. Fire Department hires, it may wish to administer an IQ test to ensure that successful applicants score north of room temperature. Take fireman Rafael Davis. Like work-averse Americans everywhere, he decided it would be way better to file a workers' comp claim than rescue kittens from burning tree forts. 
But instead of laying low during his three years on disability, Davis chose to moonlight in mixed martial arts, running up an impressive 12-2 record. Unfortunately, publicly beating people can get conspicuous -- especially when your fight footage makes it way to YouTube. Davis pleaded guilty to felonious inability to run a scam.
Bellator.com
20. Rafael Davis

The next time the L.A. Fire Department hires, it may wish to administer an IQ test to ensure that successful applicants score north of room temperature. Take fireman Rafael Davis. Like work-averse Americans everywhere, he decided it would be way better to file a workers' comp claim than rescue kittens from burning tree forts.

But instead of laying low during his three years on disability, Davis chose to moonlight in mixed martial arts, running up an impressive 12-2 record. Unfortunately, publicly beating people can get conspicuous -- especially when your fight footage makes it way to YouTube. Davis pleaded guilty to felonious inability to run a scam.
19. Nicole Denzer
Nicole Denzer considers her vagina a multi-purpose household appliance, perfect for serving as everything from a birth canal to a mobile storage unit. Police in Minnesota discovered its unique cargo handling abilities when she was pulled over in a traffic stop and the cops found drugs in her car. 
When she was taken to jail, a drug sniffing dog showed particular interest in her crotch (though in a strictly platonic way). That's when Denzer confessed that she was storing seventeen grams of meth and a pipe in her vaginal unit, apparently because its vacuum seal qualities better maintain meth's freshness and bouquet of flavor.
19. Nicole Denzer

Nicole Denzer considers her vagina a multi-purpose household appliance, perfect for serving as everything from a birth canal to a mobile storage unit. Police in Minnesota discovered its unique cargo handling abilities when she was pulled over in a traffic stop and the cops found drugs in her car.

When she was taken to jail, a drug sniffing dog showed particular interest in her crotch (though in a strictly platonic way). That's when Denzer confessed that she was storing seventeen grams of meth and a pipe in her vaginal unit, apparently because its vacuum seal qualities better maintain meth's freshness and bouquet of flavor.
18. Raymond Foley
He doesn't have much luck with the ladies. Maybe it's because he takes his fashion cues from a 1974 photo of Lynyrd Skynyrd. Or maybe it's because Foley believes urinating on women's chairs is the ultimate go-to move in the dance of seduction. 
For months, employees at the West Des Moines, Iowa Farm Bureau office noticed that their chairs had unexplained stains. They couldn't figure out the cause, so they installed cameras. That's when Foley was caught on film sneaking into the office on a Saturday to pee on an attractive coworker's chair. 
It seems that Foley, an IT geek at the bureau, would scour the agency's employee data base for beautiful women, then secretly commence the rhumba of romance by peeing on their chairs. After all, there's nothing like the scent of a Greyhound station men's room to stir the loins of the most elusive female.
18. Raymond Foley

He doesn't have much luck with the ladies. Maybe it's because he takes his fashion cues from a 1974 photo of Lynyrd Skynyrd. Or maybe it's because Foley believes urinating on women's chairs is the ultimate go-to move in the dance of seduction.

For months, employees at the West Des Moines, Iowa Farm Bureau office noticed that their chairs had unexplained stains. They couldn't figure out the cause, so they installed cameras. That's when Foley was caught on film sneaking into the office on a Saturday to pee on an attractive coworker's chair.

It seems that Foley, an IT geek at the bureau, would scour the agency's employee data base for beautiful women, then secretly commence the rhumba of romance by peeing on their chairs. After all, there's nothing like the scent of a Greyhound station men's room to stir the loins of the most elusive female.
17. Cedrick Mitchell
A 39-year-old man faces a disciplinary hearing and possible suspension from the Burglary & Stick-Up Man's Union for violating its professional code of conduct during a robbery in Bradenton, Florida. 
Just after midnight, Cedrick Mitchell burst into a hotel room demanding pills. When the two occupants said they had none, he pulled a gun and asked for "everything you got." What they had was pepper spray. Which they used to blast Mitchell in the face. 
The savvy robber fled. Only later did he realize that he'd dropped his gun in the room. A forlorn Mitchell was forced to return to the hotel, where he begged his former victims to sell him back the weapon for $40. At which point he was pepper-sprayed again.
17. Cedrick Mitchell

A 39-year-old man faces a disciplinary hearing and possible suspension from the Burglary & Stick-Up Man's Union for violating its professional code of conduct during a robbery in Bradenton, Florida.

Just after midnight, Cedrick Mitchell burst into a hotel room demanding pills. When the two occupants said they had none, he pulled a gun and asked for "everything you got." What they had was pepper spray. Which they used to blast Mitchell in the face.

The savvy robber fled. Only later did he realize that he'd dropped his gun in the room. A forlorn Mitchell was forced to return to the hotel, where he begged his former victims to sell him back the weapon for $40. At which point he was pepper-sprayed again.
16. Alicia Martin & Kathryn Rayannic
Alicia Martin and Kathryn Rayannic were on a bender at the Waterfront bar in St. James, Florida when they ran out of loot mid-binge. That's when they decided to mine their natural resources in hopes of securing auxiliary funding. They began to approach male patrons, promising to show them their boobs if they would buy the ladies some beers. 
Alas, they were confronted by a bear market. Of the five men they approached, none thought their breastacular performance worthy of the cost of two beers. The critical reviews also led employees to usher our fair vixens from the joint. 
Apparently bummed over failing to meet her sales quota, Martin punched one employee in the head in the parking lot, then tried to attack another with a knife.  The ladies were charged with disorderly conduct, battery, and assault with a deadly weapon.
16. Alicia Martin & Kathryn Rayannic

Alicia Martin and Kathryn Rayannic were on a bender at the Waterfront bar in St. James, Florida when they ran out of loot mid-binge. That's when they decided to mine their natural resources in hopes of securing auxiliary funding. They began to approach male patrons, promising to show them their boobs if they would buy the ladies some beers.

Alas, they were confronted by a bear market. Of the five men they approached, none thought their breastacular performance worthy of the cost of two beers. The critical reviews also led employees to usher our fair vixens from the joint.

Apparently bummed over failing to meet her sales quota, Martin punched one employee in the head in the parking lot, then tried to attack another with a knife. The ladies were charged with disorderly conduct, battery, and assault with a deadly weapon.