What Is the Worst Pain You've Experienced?

Week of January 21, 2004

Shady Jack
Owner, Shady Jack's Saloon
"I don't wear skivvies, so I went to Trader Bob's and had Mitch tattoo a Fruit of the Loom logo on my ass. I was layin' on that table, my ass up in the air, people walkin' by, gettin' a good look through the window. And because of all the colors it took two hours, and it hurt till my ass got numb. I drank a sixer during the process and it didn't even help -- I was drunk with my ass still hurtin'."

Lindsay Rosenthal
Mannequin Dresser, SKIF International Clothing
"Besides having a roller skate up my ass, I would imagine the pain of coming into this world is in the top ten, right after actually giving birth. A big stream of pressure being exerted on your head causes one hell of a migraine."

E. Ross
Flight Attendant
"Worst pain I ever felt was hearing that a girl I had sex with had an STD -- those genital warts. When I heard that I went out and drank eighteen Jäger Bombs, and then I went and got tested. I don't know if she really had it, but I came up clear. But that was extreme mental anguish, dude! Think about having that disease for the rest of your life. It's incurable! Your dick looks like a cauliflower! You know what I'm sayin'? Oh, fuck that!"

Lakesha Holt
Mail Handler
"It's a toss-up between childbirth and a toothache. Childbirth, I was hurting so bad I almost started to feel good. But if I had to take one over the other, it'd be childbirth. At least you get something out of it."

Fred Friction
Power-Trippin' Proprietor, Frederick's Music Lounge
"Most pain I don't remember; I black out before it occurs. But there was that time I was captured by the Colombian drug cartel. They tortured me for two days and didn't get a word out of me 'cause I cut my own tongue out and then sewed it back after they left."

Cookie Hammond
Gospel Singer
"I can't do the anal sex thing! I don't know where everybody gets off doing that. That's the most horrible pain in the world, somebody sticking that thing up there -- it's not right! It's the exit, definitely the exit. You exit out of that place there. It's not supposed to be an entrance."