Thomas Charboneau: Porn Connossieur Demanded Satisfaction for Lackluster Film

Nothing comes easy in an adult entertainment store. Amateur film critic Thomas Charboneau, 56, paid $6 to enjoy a film at New Release Video (2430 South Highway 94, St. Charles; 636-447-1179), but ended up not enjoying it at all. Or so he claimed.

Charboneau demanded the clerk return his money. The clerk refused to do so, at which point Charboneau grabbed a sex toy and announced he was leaving with the objet d'amour as recompense for the film's lack of quality. The clerk told him that wasn't going to happen, either, and attempted to block the exit. The toy had a $75 price tag, after all -- that's quite a leap from a $6 refund.

But Charboneau was not going to leave without satisfaction. According to the clerk, Charboneau pushed him and threw a punch. The clerk responded with two quick pumps of mace, at which point Charboneau allegedly pushed him into the display case and left with the sex toy in hand.

The quick-thinking clerk had the presence of mind to write down Charboneau's license plate number, and called police with the info. Charboneau has been charged with stealing and third-degree assault. If only he had kept a firmer grip on himself rather than stoking his passions, this messy outburst and its unfortunate climax would not have blown up in his face.

You know, I think I've seen that movie.