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Summer in St. Louis: Have an Adventure 

Page 12 of 45

Certain the mean streets of Dogtown have claimed another victim, you choose to duck. But the joke's on you; no one ever gets shot in this part of the city. As you catch your breath, you realize you were too hasty. Fireworks crackle from a nearby backyard as you dust asphalt off your pants.

Unfortunately, though, your rapid duck-and-cover caught the eye of two beefy St. Louis cops. They come at you, badges glinting in the midday heat.

"That's the little shitbird we were looking for," one says, while the other whips out his nightstick.

Within minutes you're surrounded by a whole squadron of cops demanding you leave while not allowing you to do so. Helpless in the face of their impromptu kettle, you're beaten mercilessly and carted off to the Workhouse.

After the Post-Dispatch covers your arrest, your mean MAGA aunt posts some variation of "play stupid games, win stupid prizes" on Facebook without reading the article, much less realizing it's about you. You spend the next fourteen months in jail, breathing black mold and waiting desperately for someone to post bond. Meanwhile, every police officer involved gets a raise.

Better luck next time. Try again by restarting on page 1.

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September 9, 2020

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