Do Animals Belong to Any Particular Religion? 

Week of August 15, 2001

Jonas Moses
Actor/Director of Operations, An-aesthetic Studios
"Well, of course they do. As you know, most animals are Jewish, and the ones who are not, like pigs -- very unkosher, those pigs -- are probably tree worshipers."

Philip Peimann
Waiter, Remy's Kitchen & Wine Bar
"No, I don't see them organizing themselves to worship any sort of deity. They've got their alpha male that they follow, but he's not wearing priest's robes. They get by pretty well, and I just don't see them being Catholic or Primitive Baptist or Falun Gong cult or anything like that. Religion is the territory of humans who think too much."

Wendy Robinson
Legal Assistant, Beard & Medler
"Yes, my dog is a devout Catholic. He's so religious that, rather than being tempted to have premarital sex, he asked that we just have him neutered."

Lois Gish
Agent, Business Response Inc.
"I never had a pet, and I don't know anything about animals, but I would have to say that animals aren't smart enough. To have religion, you need to be able to communicate, take direction and be able to think beyond the next meal. Why would an animal need religion? That is a ridiculous question."

Norman Lambert
Technical-Writing Instructor
"I don't know, but my wife says that if heaven is a people-only resort, she'll boycott it. Years ago, we got into a discussion with a neighbor: 'Do possums have souls?' His view was they do not, and my wife's view was they do, that the universe doesn't make sense otherwise. And if no animals are going to be in heaven, she's not going. She's looking forward to seeing some of our pets there."

Carl Finch
Lead Singer/Founder, Brave Combo
"I hope they're Hindu or some religion where animals are respected and people wouldn't eat them. I imagine people would taste great, too, but we're not cannibals, are we? You could cook a person and it would probably taste just as good as a cow.

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