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If Every St. Louis Suburb Was a Person at a Party, Here’s What They Would Be Doing

By Riverfront Times Staff on Thu, Feb 10, 2022 at 6:49 pm

Reddit users have been been having fun on their individual state threads, posing a creative question: If every city in a certain state was a person at a party, what would they be doing?

Missouri's thread was started by user Drewpurt and had some pretty creative answers, but we thought we would narrow it down to just the St. Louis area. Here's what we came up with.

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St. Louis throws the party.

She thinks it’s going to be a chill night since she only invited a few people.

Photo credit: Doyle Murphy

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Chesterfield is the guy who keeps talking about his dad.

He’s totally rich and owns, like, a Nissan dealership. You’ve heard it thirteen times by the first hour.

Photo credit: Flickr / Paul Sableman

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Kirkwood is the drunk "cool" mom.

Ah, you kids keep me young.

Photo credit: Flickr / Paul Sableman

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Manchester is drinking wine with Kirkwood, gossiping about everyone else.

Did you see what Eureka posted on Facebook? My goodness.

Photo credit: Google Maps

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Fenton heard about the party from Kirkwood.

They’re the ones who told everyone else.

Photo credit: Google Maps

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St. Charles is the guy with a guitar that no one asked him to play but he keeps talking about it anyway and tortures everyone with his renditions of "Wonderwall.”

Make it stop.

Photo credit: Flickr / Paul Sableman

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Florissant has a glazed over look in his eyes.

He’s clearly about to start a fight.

Photo credit: Flickr / Paul Sableman

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Hazelwood is trying to hold Florissant back.

He’s succeeding, for now.

Photo credit: Flickr / @n0uih

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Soulard is peeing in the front yard in full view of everyone.

The bathroom line was too long, okay?

Photo credit: Flickr / Paul Sableman

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Ladue isn’t here.

They went to a better party up the street. You probably haven’t heard of it.

Photo credit: Google Maps

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University City won’t give up the AUX cord.

The playlist is decent though, so no one’s too mad.

Photo credit: Flickr / Paul Sableman

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Nobody knows who invited Sauget, but they’re here.

And they brought sketchy drugs.

Photo credit: Google Maps

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Lemay is excited to be hanging out with Sauget.

Just happy to be part of something, you know?

Photo credit: Flickr / Paul Sableman

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Clayton is slurring his words as he talks to the cops who showed up for a noise complaint.

He’s just making things worse though and everyone wishes he would shut up.

Photo credit: Flickr / Paul Sableman

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St. Ann is making apologies for the cops.

Photo credit: Google Maps

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O’Fallon is the cops.

Photo credit: Flickr / Ken Lund

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Overland is a juggalo in full on clown paint.

They reek of weed and brought their own personal plastic jug of Ten High, and they won’t share.

Photo credit: Flickr / Paul Sableman

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Wentzville is talking to St. Charles between songs and making slightly racist comments about anyone from across the river.

Everyone else is avoiding them.

Photo credit: Google Maps

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Webster Groves is the girl drunk telling everyone how pretty they are.

She’s very supportive and suddenly everyone’s best friend.

Photo credit: Flickr / Paul Sableman

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