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If You Had to Have Some Disease or Debilitating Condition, Which Would It Be? 

Troy Greene
Office Cleaner, St. Louis Post-Dispatch

"Crabs. They're easy to cure, though I'd prefer no diseases whatsoever. All I can say, you take it one day at a time, because you never know what's coming along."

Doug Eller
Program Director, Grace Hill Neighborhood Association

"Some diseases are not all that bad; they can give you a pleasurable kind of pain or put you in a different time and space where your mind wouldn't otherwise go — you learn to see things. I like the flu, because sometimes I'm so feverish I have the most wonderful dreams. That's why I never get flu shots."

Susan Ferguson
Social Worker, Medium-Security Institution

"Chickenpox. It's itchy, yeah, but so is life. And it goes away on its own — that's the important thing. They got to go away. What'd you think I'd say, cancer? Get real."

Graphic Artist, Priority One Screen Printing

"I want glaucoma so I can smoke marijuana cigarettes all day, legally. And they come already rolled — tell me that isn't a hook-up. God bless the government."

Lady Charles
Cook, Café Balaban

"I've had most of them: clap, hep and all the childhood diseases. How about one you wouldn't want? The one I wouldn't want is AIDS. It's such a terrible, painful way to go — I'd shoot myself."

Music Sales

"Disease, huh? Not anything where I have to wear Depends — that'd just make my hips look bigger. And not anything where I'd have to wear a colostomy bag — that'd be kind of weird if I'm on a date. I guess if I had to have a disease, I'd be a klepto, a really good klepto. That way I'm not hurting anybody directly."

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September 9, 2020

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