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Mother What?! 

Find something worthy of your wonderful mom at the Independent Art Market

That acrid aroma you detect? It is the metallic stench of fear. Fear caused by the looming pressure to purchase something for Mother's Day. Something nice and, you know, "mommish" -- but without being too mommish. No doily collections, no gallon jugs of perfume. And no more plaster handcasts with your name scratched into the still-wet plaster. Think, dammit!

OK, pull it together, hoss. You have a few days left. And you have a secret weapon: the Independent Art Market. This hometown cadre of artists has created an enticing and eclectic collection of goods that may just be the perfect gift for Mom. Everything is handmade, which is a touch every mother appreciates (yes, your mom always tells you it's the thought that counts, but she's just being kind). And the Independent Art Market sells only the nice things. From the hand-dyed textiles and wearable art of J. Marie to the stunning ceramic creations of Kung Fu Chicken Studios to the letterpressed stationary and posters and spiral-bound notebooks of Firecracker Press, everything is unique and sweet and nice, just like your mom.

But, caveat emptor, nothing is designed expressly for your mom. Eric Woods, proprietor of Firecracker Press, explains, "I'm not really making anything specifically for Mother's Day, and I don't want to speak for anybody else, but I'm not sure that anyone else is either."

So why an art market just prior to Mother's Day, Mr. Woods? "We're just using Mother's Day as a good time to kick off a spring event more than anything else. I do know that some of the stuff I have in the show is gonna be a 'little bit racy.' I don't think it's gonna be your typical flowers-and-candy kinda thing."

Ah, excellent. Not to tip any hands here, but the mom we have in mind isn't your typical mother. She civilized (some might say "tamed") the raging cauldron of emotion and unprovoked shin-kicking that is Mr. Night. Candy may be dandy for some, but risqué is OK as far as Ma Night is concerned. How racy are we talking (nudge, nudge, wink, wink)?

"The one thing that I've got that's gonna be kinda racy is kind of an anti-thank you card," Woods confides. "It's a card that everybody, I think, wants to send to somebody that they know -- somebody that's really pissed them off."

Do go on.

"This thing is impeccably printed; it's a nice script typeface, a little bit hard to decipher, it's kinda frilly."

Ah-ah, no frills; we established that earlier.

"But it says 'Get Fucked' really big on the front of this card," Woods continues, "so when you get this thing in the mail, there's gonna be a label on the flap that just says 'Hey.' It's really nice and sophisticated. So you get this thing and you're like, 'Oh, what is this? This is really nice and pretty!' and then you kinda decipher what it says, and you're like, 'Oh.'"

We'll take four dozen.

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