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The Afterlife: What Might It Be Like? 

Week of September 10, 2003

Jamie Foehner
Doorman, Lemmon's
"I like to think of myself in Heaven, looking down into hell, watching certain people burn in anguish. They could even set it up like pay-per-view with, like, a cage match between Hitler and Strom Thurmond. I'd be lounging on a big overstuffed couch, watching it on a big screen, lots of good snacks within reach."

Shannon Robertson
Squirrel Tamer
"Just as my Ouija board told me, the afterlife is full of Chunky Monkey ice cream and all the Buddha you can ask for!"

Mike Parisi
Bartender, JackSons' Restaurant
"My afterlife involves hanging out with all of my deceased friends and family in a Vegas-style casino, gambling, smoking Cubans, sipping Sapphire-and-tonics, with U2 playing, muffled by the waves of the nearby ocean."

Constance Williams
Administrator, William Beaumont Hospital (Detroit)
"Well, the Bible says that everything is supposed to be cleared away -- no sickness, no hunger, no pain. Happiness, eternally. I mean, it sounds like a fantasy world, but I believe in it. That's why I think we should be doing all we can to better ourselves, because I, for one, want to walk among the thousands and not get left behind. That's one of my worst fears, to be left behind."

Brian Vondera
Bingo Caller
"The afterlife? How the hell would I know? I'll be dead!"

Stacey Savens
Professional Pointer, INTRAV Deluxe Tours
"It depends on the person you were in this life. If you were good, you'll have lots of love, beer, sports, sex and great music. If you were bad, you're forced to listen to endless hours of Reverend Larry Rice and the New Life Evangelistic Choir."

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