Three Stooges Night

Scientists spent a lot of time and money determining that a key difference between the male and female of the human species is the Y chromosome -- generally speaking, men have it, women don't. The biological difference between men and women could have been divined much quicker and cheaper by simply playing a Three Stooges short -- most men crowd closer when the knuckleheads appear, while most women flee the area snorting derisively about morons (some of whom they may have already married). Many a wise man has attempted to understand why the Stooges divide the sexes, but there are no hard-and-fast answers. (Incidentally, many millions of dollars have been spent trying to determine what separates a Curly man from a Shemp man, but all research invariably ends in someone being hit with the business end of a rake; both combatants will join forces and attack a Curly Joe man on sight.) Violent slapstick, painful sight gags, eye-gouging as negotiation and some of the worst haircuts ever captured on film defy the cold measure of science -- the Three Stooges are art, not a theorem to be solved. Celebrate the joy of idiocy with free screenings of the Three Stooges' greatest hits the second Monday of every month -- that's tonight! -- from 7 to 9 p.m. at the Schalfly Bottleworks (7260 Southwest Boulevard, Maplewood; 314-241-1888 or www.schlafly.com). Admission is free, beer is plentiful and absolutely no amateur stoogery may be practiced during the screening -- Schlafly keeps a mom on tap to break up all slap fights.