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What's the Lamest Reason You Know of for Two People Breaking Up?

Week of February 5, 2003

By Wm. Stage William.Stage@riverfronttimes.com

Jimi Gwynn
University City Building Inspector
"Most lame reason? 'They grew apart.' That always sounds silly to me. It seems like you would have grown together, and if you're growing up in a relationship together, then how can you grow apart? It's like one of them now is suddenly too big for the relationship and they've got to go. I just don't get it."

Lisa Simpson
Licensed Practical Nurse
"'My mom won't let me see you anymore' -- that's what my son told his girlfriend. He put it on me, thinking she'd let him off easy. And since when do kids ever care what their mom says? Now she calls and hangs up on me."

Mike Kiernan
Owner, Kiernan Cycles
"Too much sex -- I can't think of the countless times my relationships have broken up because of that."

Jay Kahler
Warehouse Flunky
"There's nothing more lame than hearing 'Sorry, I decided to turn straight.'"

Kendra Cordes
Wine Steward, Michael's on Main Street
"Because he told me he loved me, and we'd only been going out two weeks. That should be something a guy says after you've been dating a long time and he knows pretty much that the feeling is mutual. It was just weird, and he had a weird name."

Tory Z Starbuck
Ethnic Artist of a Nonexistent Country
"A girl's snake escaped its terrarium and ate her boyfriend's sugar glider. They broke up because she couldn't afford to buy a replacement sugar glider right away. Well, they are expensive."