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Which Group Wears the Silliest Work Uniform? 

Week of August 22, 2001

Thom Jackson Jr.
Sideshow Carnie
"Heavy-metal bands wear the silliest damn uniforms I've ever seen. They're all kind of the same, with chains and stupid hair and tight little pants. And they're only people who can dress up as transvestites and people think they're masculinely sexy. It makes no sense to me, but it seems to work for them."

Colleen Clawson
Expediter, Frazer's Traveling Brown Bag
"I think it's pretty silly to wear a tuxedo when waiting tables in one of these swanky places, 'cause it's pretty inconvenient to carry a tray with seven plates when you can't move your arms around because the uniform's cut all wrong and it's hot and sweaty and you're already running around enough. And everybody looks the same, like a bunch of penguins, and they walk funny, too."

Valerie Ducy
Claims Assistant, NIE Insurance
"The Navy, because of the bell-bottoms, and they're white bellbottoms. But when I found out the reason why they wear bellbottoms -- they can be used as a flotation device -- I didn't think they were silly anymore ... but how often do they fall off their ships?"

Dwayne Tucker
"The state-prisoner uniform, that needs a new look. They walk around looking like peeled oranges, like clowns -- they are clowns for being in there."

Cathy Ventola
"That whole judge's-robe thing is kind of funny to me. They should ditch the robe and bring back the powdered wig."

Rachel Foreman
Manager, Arlene Lilie/Sohaila
"The Rams cheerleaders -- too much fringe; they look like cowgirls. Everybody else in the NFL has more flattering outfits. They should hire somebody fabulous like Jean-Paul Gaultier, Madonna's designer, to give those outfits some wild patterns and glitter -- bustiers, too. Then it would be something to see, since their dancing is far inferior to their fashion sense, and their fashion sense is tragic."

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