I am a long-time hockey fan and have been trying to get my friends to go to hockey games with me for a long time. About a year ago, my friends started taking me up on the invitation, and I wondered what had changed. I thought, “Hey, maybe more women are finally starting to feel more comfortable in men’s hobbies and learning about sports that they can enjoy with their friends.” Because, quite frankly, there is nothing like screaming in a room where the floor is made of ice and everyone is drinking beer. It’s cheaper than therapy and only makes you cry sometimes.

But no, in the post-pandemic social media era, there’s got to be a fandom and a trend attached to everything, and nothing can be innocent. We’ve got more kinks than we do social graces. Women now loving hockey is no different. I’m gonna get called a pick-me for this, but BookTok is ruining absolutely everything. So, before you put my head on a pike outside your favorite Quinn narrator’s apartment, think back to “Sinners and Stardust,” an erotic lit event that happened earlier this year in which some very unhinged fans sexually assaulted a male artist and a female There are layers of psychosis that have to happen before people get creepy in public and turn that into assault.

Earlier this week, two extremely BookTok-looking women made viral news when they showed up at Seattle’s Climate Pledge Arena to watch the Seattle Kraken face off against the San Jose Sharks, for whom Macklin Celebrini and Will Smith play. These are two of the most famous players in the NHL despite being barely out of their rookie season. They’re young guys who were toward the top of the draft in 2024. As Gen Zs, they are social media darlings and frequently go viral with their wholesome slumber parties on the road and other “guys being bros” content. It’s far more pleasant fare than what you typically see professional athletes making headlines for.

So imagine my second-hand embarrassment and outright mortification when I see on one of my hockey Instagram pages that these two women showed up with signs saying “Will and Mack 2 man” and “Mack and Will, You should be Kraken us,” alluding to the fact that these two women wanted to have sex with these two young hockey players. At the same time.

Imagine the fallout if two guys had done this at a PWHL game.

Women crushing on athletes is nothing new, and frankly, I’m glad to see the NHL getting its fair share of representation. However, it’s creepy to bring that thought in writing to the public. We used to have inside thoughts, remember that? But to put on a poster that you want to have a threesome with two young athletes at a sporting event where children will be. I am not the pearl-clutching Karen who asks “Who’s thinking of the children?” in most scenarios. The cameraman is half to blame here. We’ve just taken several steps in the wrong direction. And I say that as someone who has to look at the occasional butthole at work.

I hate the phrase “boy aquarium” so much that I put a hundred dollars into the S&P 500 every time I hear it at a hockey game. I’ll have to amend that to “every time I see BookTok girlies making it weird at hockey games.”

As someone who writes about OnlyFans for work, I am not opposed to people getting their rocks off. But I draw the line at scribbling our search histories onto a poster and goonerfying all-ages public events.