It’s Friday afternoon at work, and you know what that means, right? Time to casually scroll the platform formerly known as Twitter so that you don’t start anything that won’t be finished until next week. Just a quick tap-tap on that iPhone and then—
THE HORROR. Twitter is down, leaving you with no other alternative but to… work. *cue inconsolable weeping.*
…ok, I had way too much fun with that, but yes. Twitter/X went down on Friday morning, leaving 100,000+ users with nothing to do except literally anything else.
In honor of the hordes of people who had to make an in-the-moment decision on what to do in light of their favorite short-form platform being temporarily unavailable, I have compiled this list of things you can do the next time you find yourself staring down the connection-less end of a social media outage.
- Check your posture – let’s be real, we all scroll our phones in the WORST of all yoga positions: desk shrimp pose. Uncurl. Let your neck muscles relax as you feel your spine pop back into place for the first time in 2 weeks.
- Go touch grass – actual grass, not the kind that you smoke. Getting a breath of fresh air, and reminding yourself that things grow on their own in nature will go a long way towards calming your existential panic without your favorite scroll hole.
- Go touch grass – ok, this time you can touch the smoking variety, but only if it doesn’t violate company policy (and you’re lucky enough to live in a state where it’s legal).
- Read that book your mom gave you for Christmas – yes, I know that it’s probably nowhere near your list of books you actually want to read, but she’s your mom. If nothing else, it’ll give you insight into what she’s thinking these days.
- Walk to the bathroom and back – who knows? Maybe when you get back to your desk, Twitter will be operational again.
- Introduce yourself to the new guy – unless he’s a total creep, in which case maybe introduce yourself to HR instead. Build a relationship and rapport, y’know?
- Clean the breakroom microwave – might as well curry up some goodwill with the office since you have nothing better to do.
- Learn the Axolotl song – be forewarned about this one, once you’ve learned it, it WILL be in your head for no less than 2 weeks.
- Do your job – wild idea, starting a project on a Friday afternoon, but it’s not like you can waste time on Twitter rn, so might as well.
- Check Facebook – it’s been a while since you’ve read misinformation from that one dude from high school who proposed to wives 1 & 3 at the Olive Garden.
By the time you read this, X will be restored, and you’ll be past needing any of my recommended coping mechanisms. You will, however, be prepared in the event of another Twitter blackout, as any of these activities are excellent alternatives when looking for ways to entertain yourself in a Twitterless world.
