Hazel Hawke

Saving the Earth One Spicy Shell-fie at a Time on OnlyFans

Hazel Hawke 10/15/2025 No Comments

There’s a page on OnlyFans that is hotter than any other. People are blushing and opening their wallets, but it’s not to see another influencer in her skivvies. Subscribers love…

Home on the Range: OnlyFans Model Sophie Rain Prefers Farm Life

Hazel Hawke 10/12/2025 No Comments

There are millionaires who buy a fleet of yachts, and then there’s Sophie Rain, who bought cows. The newly turned 21-year-old OnlyFans superstar has made roughly $82 million off the…

You Haven’t Seen an OnlyFans Model do This on Camera. No, Seriously. Fandy Gave Birth on Livestream

Hazel Hawke 10/11/2025 No Comments

Some of us fall to pieces when our stream is just buffering, but Fandy? The streamer and former OnlyFans model decided to push a whole human out of her body…

Welcome to OnlyGrans. Yes, It’s Exactly What You Think It Is

Hazel Hawke 10/10/2025 No Comments

While some grannies may be sitting down to bingo or knitting booties for their newest grandchild, some are also selling images of themselves flaunting lingerie for rent money. Welcome to…

Bennifer is Back: Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck Appear Together on the Red Carpet for ‘Kiss of the Spider Woman’ Premiere

Hazel Hawke 10/08/2025 No Comments

Some exes avoid one another at all costs, and then there’s Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez. The ex-spouses had an affectionate reunion at the premiere for Kiss of the Spider…

Tired of Sweating Through Your Pumpkin Spice? Check out the Starbucks Holiday Menu!

Hazel Hawke 10/08/2025 No Comments

We may be stubbornly sweating through our flannel as we sip our PSLs, but Starbucks is ready to string up the twinkle lights and stock the peppermint syrup. Starbucks releasing…

From Luke’s Diner to the Hollywood Walk of Fame: Lauren Graham Given her own Star

Hazel Hawke 10/07/2025 No Comments

After spending seven seasons and a 4-episode Netflix special running on coffee and charisma in Stars Hollow, Lauren Graham has been recognized as the star she is. Her Walk of…

Microsoft Raising Game Pass Rates? So Much for The Best Deal in Gaming

Hazel Hawke 10/06/2025 No Comments

Once upon a time when we were all younger and more naive, Microsoft pitched Game Pass as “the best deal in gaming.” And it was! But now, that subscription is…

This Calls for More Than a Spoonful of Sugar: Dame Julie Andrews has Turned 90

Hazel Hawke 10/02/2025 No Comments

Julie Andrews has just celebrated her 90th birthday, which means that she must now be placed in a heavily guarded glass case that is lined with fresh tea sandwiches. She…

In Memoriam: Jane Goodall

Hazel Hawke 10/02/2025 No Comments

Jane Goodall, the woman who taught us that we’re more like the chimps than we thought, has left the world for good. Jane Goodall was a legendary primatologist and beloved…

No Need for Playoffs, Bad Bunny is Already the Superbowl Winner

Hazel Hawke 09/30/2025 No Comments

It officially doesn’t matter what happens in the playoffs, and the stats don’t matter. Bad Bunny won the 2026 Super Bowl the moment he agreed to do the halftime show.…

William Shatner is Fine, and Rumors of his Hospitalization Have Been Greatly Exaggerated (Because of the Internet Gossip Mill)

Hazel Hawke 09/29/2025 No Comments

In the blink of an eye, William Shatner went from responsibly addressing a mild blood sugar oopsie to reading his own obituary. What began as a precautionary measure turned into…

It’s a Girl! Rihanna and A$AP Rocky Welcome Their Daughter

Hazel Hawke 09/29/2025 No Comments

The queen of Fenty and the prince of Harlem have welcomed a new princess! Singer Rihanna and A$AP Rocky have welcomed their third child, and first daughter together. Rocki Irish…

Stop With the Performative Call-Outs: Parasocial Relationships Aren’t the Problem, the Lack of Media Literacy is

Hazel Hawke 09/26/2025 No Comments

There are some things that you can count on in life, and one of those things is that every week without fail, someone on social media dons a cape they…

Ready to Sing? Season 28 of ‘The Voice’ is Already Rocking the Boat

Hazel Hawke 09/25/2025 No Comments

Chairs are turning, and The Voice is back! The Voice has been around since 2011, and it’s still going strong. Season 28 just kicked off, and it’s looking like it’s…

It’s Official! ‘The Summer I Turned Pretty’ is Getting a Movie

Hazel Hawke 09/24/2025 No Comments

Are you Team Conrad, or Team Jeremiah? Nevermind. Doesn’t matter. Team Jenny Han has announced the real bombshell: we’re getting a Summer I Turned Pretty movie! The hit TV obsession…

The End of an Era: ‘Catfish’ is Swimming Away From MTV

Hazel Hawke 09/24/2025 No Comments

Whelp. It’s time to pour one out for our favorite messy internet time capsule. MTV just pulled the plug on Catfish, so there will be no more porch confrontations, “I…

Taylor Swift Announces The Release Party of a Showgirl: Swifties Break the Internet. Again.

Hazel Hawke 09/20/2025 No Comments

Swifties are back to doing what they do best: breaking the internet. This time they’re driving the AMC website to the brink instead of Ticketmaster, because Taylor Swift has announced…

Cardi B Announces Pregnancy: is She Actually Wonder Woman?

Hazel Hawke 09/19/2025 No Comments

Cardi B may not wear a cape on the reg, but good god she sure does deserve one. The superstar recently announced that she’s pregnant with her fourth child, her…

It Might be Getting Boring up North: Michigan Eyes Porn Ban

Hazel Hawke 09/18/2025 No Comments

Michigan lawmakers have their eye on banning online porn, and not just the raunchy stuff. Moaning is apparently a bridge too far for some politicians, and if you’ve been making…

In Memoriam: Robert Redford

Hazel Hawke 09/18/2025 No Comments

The bright lights of Hollywood are a little dimmer after the passing of golden cowboy Robert Redford. The man who made a Stetson look like high fashion has died at…

It’s-a Mario in Space! Super Mario Galaxy Coming to Switch

Hazel Hawke 09/16/2025 No Comments

Flashback moment for millennials: where were you when you first experienced the joys of Super Mario Galaxy? Well, if you don’t remember, get ready for a do-over because Nintendo is…

Perhaps Life on Mars?

Hazel Hawke 09/15/2025 No Comments

Is it possible that there is (or at least was) life on Mars? Martians might not actually be little green men, but they just might be little green microbes. NASA’s…

Spotify Hits a High Note: Lossless Audio is Here

Hazel Hawke 09/12/2025 No Comments

It’s been years of Spotify teasing us harder than Taylor Swift teases surprise tracks, but it’s finally happening. At long last, Spotify is giving its Premium users something worth scream-singing…

Everything’s Going to be Fine, You Guys. The Girl Scouts Are Releasing a New Cookie Flavor

Hazel Hawke 09/10/2025 No Comments

Everyone relax, the Girl Scouts have a new cookie flavor. …ok, maybe I can’t relax, because the GIRL SCOUTS have a NEW COOKIE FLAVOR. This may not solve all of…

Ariana Cried, Gaga Had us Gagged, and The 2025 VMAs Were a Star-Studded Fever Dream

Hazel Hawke 09/10/2025 No Comments

Listen. There’s plenty to keep doomscrolling about, so, naturally, we’re going to ignore all of that and talk about the VMAs. Nothing says “healthy coping mechanism” quite like choosing to…

Dancing With the Stars Season 34 Cast has Been Announced: Who Else is Ready to see Robert Irwin Dance?

Hazel Hawke 09/04/2025 No Comments

It’s September, and that means it’s time for sequins, heels, and drama. That’s right, Dancing With the Stars is back for Season 34, y’all! The glitter budget alone is off…

Powerball Jackpot Hits $1.3 Billion: Time for the Barenaked Ladies to Brush off Their Classic Hit

Hazel Hawke 09/04/2025 No Comments

The Barenaked Ladies once wondered what they’d do if they had $1,000,000, and they had some pretty decent ideas (for the record, they do have pre-wrapped bacon — it’s just…

Abracadabra, Lady Gaga is in ‘Wednesday’ Season 2

Hazel Hawke 09/03/2025 No Comments

Somewhere deep in the Netflix crypt, a single executive wondered if there was a way to make Wednesday even more weird and iconic. The universe heard, and Lady Gaga will…

Meet Joi-Lin Hunt: Building Empires and Blazing Trails For Others to Follow

Hazel Hawke 09/03/2025 No Comments

If “resilience” had a brand ambassador, Joi-Lin Hunt would already have that deal locked down. Joi-Lin Hunt is a business attorney, a serial entrepreneur, and one powerhouse of a mentor.…

Did Taco Bell Just Make 2AM Hot Again?

Hazel Hawke 08/30/2025 No Comments

Glory be, and praise to whichever saint watches over late-night drive-thrus; Taco Bell is bringing back discontinued Y2K favorites, and the people are ready. Half of us are clutching our…

Ariana Grande Ditches the Bubble for the Tour Bus: ‘Wicked’ Star to Tour for the First Time in Seven Years

Hazel Hawke 08/30/2025 No Comments

Ariana Grande has been a little busy, and hasn’t had time to tour in 7 years. Now, FINALLY, she’s putting the bunny ears back on and getting ready to hit…

Taylor Swift is Engaged – Look, Just Shut Up and Let Us Have This

Hazel Hawke 08/28/2025 No Comments

First of all, I would like for everyone to congratulate my pretend best friend, Taylor Swift, on her engagement to Travis Kelce. This is a moment that, whether you like…

If You Want A Free And Fair Internet, Start Fighting Back Against Age Verification Laws

Hazel Hawke 08/27/2025 No Comments

Well, it was beautiful while it lasted, but that free, messy, and anonymous internet we grew up with? Its days are numbered if things don’t change. New age-verification laws are…

Ari Kytsya’s Collab With Camilla Araujo is Not All “Gravy”

Hazel Hawke 08/25/2025 No Comments

Ari Kytsya has been posting some fire collabs lately. Urban Decay. Playboy. Every cutesy reel with her golden retriever rapper boyfriend, Yung Gravy. We’re thrilled to see an OF…

Radioactive Shrimp? Sounds About Like 2025

Hazel Hawke 08/21/2025 No Comments

We have radioactive shrimp now? Sounds about like 2025. We’re all still recovering from our roommate’s AI meltdown, not getting invited to Jeff Bezos’ wedding, and preparing for the release…

Trashy Annie on ‘Survivor’ – Because Apparently There’s Nothing She Can’t Do

Hazel Hawke 08/21/2025 No Comments

A few months ago, I got to introduce RFT readers to one of my favorite musicians and all-around Renaissance women, Annie Davis of Trashy Annie. This Austin-based musician continues to…

One of These Things is not Like the Other: Lil Tay Tries to Pick a Fight With Sophie Rain

Hazel Hawke 08/17/2025 No Comments

One of these things is not like the other, one of these things just needs to chill out. On one side, we have Sophie Rain. On the other, we have…

Dildos Thrown at WNBA Game, Because Crypto Bros Decided That Was a Good Idea

Hazel Hawke 08/14/2025 No Comments

Everything was going well at the July 29th WNBA game. The showdown between Atlanta and Golden State was drawing to a close when the action was interrupted by a flying…

L’Oréal Chose an OnlyFans Star to be Their Face, and People are BIG MAD

Hazel Hawke 08/14/2025 No Comments

Urban Decay may like it raw, but the citizens of the internet feel otherwise. The L’Oréal-owned company is popular among teenagers, so when they launched their recent collab with OnlyFans…

Camp Rockers Rejoice: Joe Jonas and Demi Lovato Reunite Onstage

Hazel Hawke 08/13/2025 No Comments

The internet regularly loses its mind, but this time it was for a feel-good moment. On August 10th at MetLife Stadium, the Jonas Brothers kicked off their 20th anniversary tour.…

In Memoriam: Jim Lovell

Hazel Hawke 08/13/2025 No Comments

Houston, we’ve got a loss. Jim Lovell, the man who brought Apollo 13 home, passed away at age 97 in Lake Forest, Illinois. The man who famously told NASA, “Houston,…

Happy Birthday, Whataburger!

Hazel Hawke 08/09/2025 No Comments

Texans will go head to head over football teams, preferred BBQ sauce styles (team sweet and spicy here), and the differences between Texas chili and anywhere-else chili — but Whataburger?…

McDonald’s is Back on Their Nostalgia B.S., but Will They Have Enough Toys for all the Millennials This Go-Round?

Hazel Hawke 08/07/2025 No Comments

McDonald’s is reviving the hopes and dreams of elder millennials everywhere. Again. The McDonaldland Meal launches on August 12th, and it’s essentially a Happy Meal for grownups. You should also…

Lil Tay’s OnlyFans Wildly Successful Within Hours of her 18th Birthday, and She’s not the Problem Here

Hazel Hawke 08/06/2025 No Comments

In the span of just 3 hours, Lil Tay turned 18, launched her content creation business, and made a million dollars on OnlyFans. If you find yourself clutching your pearls,…

MrBeast is #TeamWater

Hazel Hawke 08/06/2025 No Comments

MrBeast is at it again. He’s fixing a major problem in the world while billionaires bicker over who gets to be the first to colonize space. YouTube’s reigning philanthropic chaotic-good…

And Just Like That, Sex and the City is Done Again.

Hazel Hawke 08/03/2025 No Comments

It’s time to say goodbye to Sex and the City. Again. Because yes, we’ve already done this. Just when you thought Carrie’d hung up her Manolos for the last time,…

Don’t Worry, Guys. Bonnie Blue is Still at it. heavy sigh

Hazel Hawke 08/02/2025 No Comments

Just when you thought it was safe to go back on the internet, Bonnie Blue’s still freaking there. The fallen star of OnlyFans is the subject of a documentary that…

The Internet’s New OTP: Liam Neeson and Pamela Anderson

Hazel Hawke 08/02/2025 No Comments

It turns out that Liam Neeson does indeed have a very particular set of skills, and one of those is wooing Pamela Anderson. Yes, you read that correctly. And no,…

From Justin to Katy: ex-Canadian Prime Minister Spotted Enjoying a Night Out With Pop-Star Katy Perry

Hazel Hawke 08/01/2025 No Comments

Katy Perry went to space and all she got was the former Canadian prime minister. The pop star was spotted enjoying cocktails with Justin Trudeau at a swanky place in…

Remote Workers in Mourning: Pornhub is Down

Hazel Hawke 07/29/2025 No Comments

Help! Quick! Someone fetch my smelling salts! Pornhub is down, and as a remote worker I must now… get work done! The horror! Ok, so Pornhub’s down right now, leaving…

LoveJack: If ‘Scattergories’ Was a Glitchy Dating App

Hazel Hawke 07/28/2025 No Comments

Writing about the things that I do, occasionally I get asked to review adult industry-adjacent products. This is especially delightful when the subject being reviewed is a new vibrator. I…

In Memoriam: Ozzy Osbourne

Hazel Hawke 07/24/2025 No Comments

Earlier this week, I said that life not being fair is one of the few things you can count on. Well, I’ve been proven correct, because Ozzy Osbourne is gone,…

In Memoriam: Malcolm-Jamal Warner

Hazel Hawke 07/24/2025 No Comments

If there’s one thing you can count on about life, it’s that that bitch is unfair. Death has a habit of snatching the good ones too soon, and the world…

Drama in Front of the Ring Light: Sophie Rain’s Leaving the Bop House

Hazel Hawke 07/22/2025 No Comments

Sophie Rain just broke the internet a little by announcing that she’s leaving the Bop House, and battle lines are already being drawn up and down social media. Is she…

Colbert Canceled? ‘The Late Show’ Host Confirms That the Show is Ending in May 2026

Hazel Hawke 07/19/2025 No Comments

I’m just going to rip the band-aid right off on this one: The Late Show with Stephen Colbert is getting canceled in May of 2026. No, no, the host isn’t…

Lights Will Guide You to Divorce Court: Tech CEO Caught Cheating on the Jumbotron at a Coldplay Concert

Hazel Hawke 07/19/2025 No Comments

Picture your ideal special night out with your sweetie. Full stadium, Coldplay up on stage (don’t judge! Well. Not yet), fireworks, Chris Martin in all of his dorky glory, and…

Rivera Said “YOLO,” Annabelle Said “Bet”: Paranormal Investigator Dies Suddenly While on Tour

Hazel Hawke 07/18/2025 No Comments

Taking a haunted doll that experts advised should never be moved sounds like the kind of thing that most horror movies are made of. Unfortunately for paranormal investigator Dan Rivera,…

Fight For The Future, and the Battle to Counter Harmful Rhetoric

Hazel Hawke 07/16/2025 No Comments

People around the FTC on July 9th may have noticed something a little… unusual. A digital billboard truck was circling the premises, displaying messages encouraging the FTC to adjust their…

Ken & Angela Paxton Want Privacy in Their Divorce Proceedings? The Women of Texas Would Like a Word

Hazel Hawke 07/15/2025 No Comments

Texas politicians Ken and Angela Paxton are getting divorced, and they’d like some privacy please. That’s cute and all, but the women of Texas are raising some eyebrows at the…

It’s Been Sunny in Philadelphia for Twenty Years

Hazel Hawke 07/10/2025 No Comments

What happens when you mix a 4th-grade classroom, a reality dating show, and a sketchy bar in Philly? I’m honestly not sure, but I can tell you that all of…

Time for Barbie to Check her Blood Sugar

Hazel Hawke 07/10/2025 No Comments

Something serious is going down in the Dreamhouse! Barbie’s holding off on the juice boxes for a minute until she can check her blood sugar. That’s right, Mattel’s introduced a…

Denise Richards Soon to be Single: Husband of 90’s Babe and OnlyFans Heartthrob Files for Divorce

Hazel Hawke 07/08/2025 No Comments

If you used to crush on the 90s bombshell from Wild Things and Starship Troopers, then good news! Denise Richards will be single soon. Her husband, Aaron Phypers, decided it…

Bananas for Bananas: Who are the Savannah Bananas, and why Does Everyone Love Them?

Hazel Hawke 07/07/2025 No Comments

The crown has been passed, and America’s team wears yellow and does silly dances on the field. The Savannah Bananas are a baseball team that has eschewed the normal hallmarks…

The Future for Adult Content in Ukraine: Petition to Legalize Porn So Popular That President Zelensky Has to Give It A Look

Hazel Hawke 07/04/2025 No Comments

The latest political drama in Ukraine doesn’t involve tanks and battle plans, but rather dildos and ring lights. That’s right—legalizing porn is the current hot topic in Ukraine, with an…

All They Are Is Bots In The Wind: Popular Band Reached Hundreds of Thousands on Spotify Prior to Spokesperson Confirming It Was All AI

Hazel Hawke 07/04/2025 No Comments

If you’ve been feeling ahead of the scene because you got into The Velvet Sundown before they crossed the 300k listener threshold, I’ve got some bad news. A spokesperson has…

They Athleisure-d Too Close To The Sun: Lululemon Sues Costco For Trademark Infringement.

Hazel Hawke 07/02/2025 No Comments

Costco is more than just the place where dreams of affordable imported wines and cheeses can become a reality. Apparently, it’s also where designer dreams get yanked. Athleisure giant Lululemon…

Texas Just Got Less Spicy: SCOTUS Hands Down Decision On Age Verification For Adult Sites In Texas

Hazel Hawke 07/01/2025 No Comments

If you’re a Texan, get ready for your late-night spicy “research” sessions to get a lot trickier. The Supreme Court just handed down their decision in Free Speech Coalition v.…

Wedding in Venice: Bezos and Sánchez Tie The Knot and Irk The Locals

Hazel Hawke 06/29/2025 No Comments

When billionaires get married, you can expect quite the soirée, and the Venice, Italy, nuptials of Jeff Bezos and Lauren Sánchez were certainly that. This wedding had everything: couture fashion,…

P. Diddy Trial Enters Final Days

Hazel Hawke 06/27/2025 No Comments

How’s Diddy feeling? Well, his court case is approaching jury deliberation time, and his defense team called not one witness. The music and fashion mogul is facing down the possibility…

Brendan Donovan and Team Red, White, and Blue Hosting the Inaugural Charity Clay Shoot to Support Veterans

Hazel Hawke 06/26/2025 No Comments

St. Louis Cardinal Brendan Donovan heard “support the troops,” and took that personally. He’s teaming up with Team Red, White, and Blue (Team RWB) to launch the first annual Brendan…

Crazy in Love: Jay-Z Makes Surprise Appearance in Final Paris Beyoncé Concert

Hazel Hawke 06/26/2025 No Comments

Queen Bey has never made it a secret that Paris is a special place for her and her husband, and they’ve once again dazzled the City of Lights. During the…

Celebrity Activists Fighting LGBTQIA+ Censorship One Signature at a Time

Hazel Hawke 06/25/2025 No Comments

LGBTQIA+ activists have had enough. They’re calling out Democrats for supporting bills that give the government the green light to remove queer and trans content from the internet. A group…

New York Becomes First State to Require Employers to Disclose Whether They’re Outsourcing to AI When Terminating Employees

Hazel Hawke 06/25/2025 No Comments

Did a robot yoink your job? Employers in New York are now required to disclose if they’re letting someone go in favor of using AI to do their job. New…

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