The Barenaked Ladies once wondered what they’d do if they had $1,000,000, and they had some pretty decent ideas (for the record, they do have pre-wrapped bacon — it’s just inferior to the freshly cooked variety). Unfortunately, between inflation and it being a good 30 years since they released that hit, $1,000,000 just doesn’t go as far as it used to. Luckily for us, the Powerball said “hold my beer” and has raised their jackpot to $1.3 billion. The jackpot is massive, so now’s a great time to dream big and imagine what you’d do with that kind of money. A tree fort in the yard should still be at the top of the list.
Here are the current stats you need to know about the Powerball to properly indulge in your fantasy. The current jackpot is $1.3 billion, making it the 5th largest in Powerball history. The cash option is about $589 million, and the odds of winning are 1 in 292.2 million. The next drawing is happening tonight around 10 PM EST, so you’ve got between now and then to buy your ticket for the dream train.
Unless you live in Alabama, Alaska, Hawaii, Nevada, or Utah, you can dash to the corner store and get in on the action. Yes, Nevada’s on the nope list — despite every other kind of gambling basically being the official state sport there. If you’re road-tripping across state lines for a ticket, make sure you’ve got a full tank so you can floor it, because we’re creeping up on time.
So. Back to The Barenaked Ladies. If they were to write their hit song about today’s Powerball jackpot, how would the lyrics change? Other than “if I had $1,300,000,000,” which is a bit of a nightmare to sing fast, I’ve got some ideas:
“If I had $1,300,000,000, I’d pay off all your student loans (mine too, but yours are probably worse).”
“If I had $1,300,000,000, I’d buy our very own Taco Bell (Crunchwrap Supremes every night for life).”
“If I had $1,300,000,000, I’d build a mansion for our dog (because she deserves a three-story tunnel slide).”
“If I had $1,300,000,000, we’d build a tree fort in our yard…” Listen, I told you I’d still be doing that. If you don’t want to sit in a tree fort next to the dog mansion, then I don’t want to share the fun parts of being a billionaire with you anyway.
In reality, though, being able to fund scholarships for underrepresented creators wouldn’t suck. Neither would paying off medical debt on a nationwide scale or keeping LGBTQIA+ orgs that are underfunded fully operational. It’s also nice to dream about building that “Barbenheimer” theme park, I won’t lie. With a jackpot this huge, dreaming big is fun, even if the odds are laughable. So go grab a ticket — and if you win… just give me credit for the dog mansion idea.
