Proof Cardinal Fans are Douchebags, Too

Sep 2, 2009 at 11:14 am

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While perusing the interwebs looking for something or other (I think I was searching for an image of some sort), I came across something rather fun. It was an old post on Bleacher Nation (a Cubs blog, for those of you who are unaware), back when the author was doing his previews of all the NL Central clubs for 2009.

hotchickswithdouchebags.com

See this? This is a douchebag. I need everyone to not be this guy. Can we do it?

The great thing, of course, is he called all his previews, "Why the 2009 ________ Will Suck". Of course, as we now have rather definitive proof the Cardinals do not, in fact, suck in 2009, while the Cubbies kinda sorta do, I thought to myself, "Oh, this is just too great. I'll read this and make fun of the guy, 'cause that's what we Cardinal fans do to Cub fans. Same as they do to us. World without end, amen."

So imagine my surprise, nay, my horror, when I read the article in question and started in on the comments. Why horror, you ask? Because I discovered that not only had a bunch of Cardinal fans already gotten there before me and made fun of the author of the article, but almost none of them were funny or clever. Hell, few of them were even spelled correctly.

I can't tell you how upset I was by this, to discover so many of my fellow Cardinal fans acting like such rabid douchebags. What the hell, guys? Aren't we better than this? Or at least a little funnier? Ugh. Terrible. Just terrible.

So I'm issuing a call to all of you out there in Cardinal Nation: please, don't be a douchebag. The whole Best Fans in Baseball thing is a crock, if you ask me, but we have to be at least smarter than Cubs fans. We just have to.

Help me out here, folks. Please. Our reputation is at stake. I want everyone to head over to Bleacher Nation and help heap scorn on Ace's head. However, I need it to be high-quality abuse, not the sort of garden variety, "Your team sucks cocks and you sucks cocks and your family also sucks cocks," abuse I can get anywhere. This needs to be good stuff.

You have your mission. Now let's make this thing happen.