Jeanette Kozlowski returns to review the new season of Hell's Kitchen, starring her favorite bad-boy chef, Gordon Ramsay.
8:05 p.m. The show starts off with line cook Vanessa sobbing, "I can't fail at this because it's all I have." Ramsay's voice echoes on the speaker throughout the contestants apartment calling everyone to the kitchen for late-night cleaning. He's not going to let up on this group, is he?
8:06 p.m. During the kitchen scrub down, Corey can't cope with the girl talk and walks out without doing her part. "Well if you're tired, maybe you should go home," says Christina. She's the one from St. Louis, if you didn't know. Therefore, it's only natural for us to want to take her side. And, well, logical. Eventually Corey's mean spirit will catch up to her, and she will be the red team's biggest enemy.
After the jump, hot oil and choking the chicken.
8:07 p.m. The ladies vote Jen (not Corey), the 24-year-old line cook from Chicago, as the strongest individual on the red team. The guys vote Ben, a 29-year-old former chef, as their pick.
8:08 p.m. Ramsay throws a new family menu at the gang because they have underperformed during the last several dinner services. Then he gives each team 20 minutes to produce the perfect pasta.
8:09 p.m. Completely determined to beat the men, Jen says, "I ain't never run from a dude, and I'm not going to start today." She works her booty off cranking out loads of pasta. "She wants to be leading, but her way of leading is just to be loud," says Corey, obviously not impressed by her teammate.
8:11 p.m. "I've seen more energy in the last 20 minutes than in the last three services," Ramsay says. The men's pasta weighs in at 548; the ladies ... get a commercial break. Why on Earth do they feel the need to draw these things out? Sigh.
8:17 p.m. 657. The red team wins by almost 100. In a Hummer limousine, the women cruise to the Santa Monica Pier for their reward. ("Hell yeah, we're free at last," exclaims Jen). And the poor men, with their second challenge loss in a row, get to bicker about who's to blame. All fingers point to Craig.
8:25 p.m. With enthusiasm, Ben volunteers to help outside; he isn't too pleased when he winds up shoveling the horse poo. At least he gets a break from the catty fighting in the kitchen.
8:26 p.m. The women return relaxed and more ready than ever to beat the blue team again. "If we can't do this, I don't know what the hell we can do," Jen says. Jen has not only become my favorite but Ramsay's as well. With her positive, can-do spirit along with her ability to follow to directions and perform tasks better than anyone, it's easy to see why.
8:27 p.m. Before the family dinner service stars, Ramsay tells the contestants: "As an added incentive, the first team, blue or red, to complete a full service is the winning team this evening."
8:28 p.m. Why is Ramsay picking on his own Maître de? He tells Jean-Phillipe to take his tie off and loosen up.
8:28 p.m. Why don't any of the chefs wear head coverings? I was observing Vanessa's hideous headband, and got me thinking, she has a lot of hair -- a lot of hair that could wind up in a lot of pasta. It may seem like lunch lady style, but I'd rather see everyone in hairnets then even imagine a few loose hairs in my dinner.
8:30 p.m. What's worse than some hair sprinkled on top? Raw chicken. The blue team serves raw chicken wings to children. How does this happen again? "That's just fucking nasty," says Craig. We discover Matt is the culprit. And then the narrator tosses in a nice (possibly unintentional?) masturbation joke when he says the customers "choked on the chicken dish."
8:32 p.m. Vanessa pours hot oil on her hand and understandably freaks out. I wonder what Jason would say about this ... it's sort of a shame he was sent home because his rude, totally uncalled for comments filled a void in this show.
8:36 p.m. She has her entire hand bandaged at this point and heads to the hospital. "If you start slacking now, you're in trouble; concentrate, don't start crying," Ramsay shouts, doing his best to encourage the red team.
8:38 p.m. And then a little fat kid tries to eat his shirt. Is the food really that bad?
8:38 p.m. When the men prepare the burgers too soon, the British chef plays burger baseball with the meat instead.
8:39 p.m. Speaking of inappropriate behavior, what is with all the inner-kitchen cheering? Is it really necessary for everyone to keep shouting rah rah go team? If they all don't shut up, ain't nothing coming out of that kitchen.
8:40 p.m. Everybody seems to give Craig a hard time. If the blue team loses, he is definitely going home.
8:41 p.m. After the women claim victory, Ramsay sends them to help the men. "Let's give a round of applause for the captain of the fucking Titanic," shrieks Ramsay.
8:43 p.m. Yep, Craig is going home. It all comes down to Craig and the clam. "How long for the fucking clam?" Ramsay screams.
8:47 p.m. Ramsay calls Jen the best chef in both kitchens. "Craig, we couldn't even cook pasta; Ben, what you've done ... you do seriously surprise me; you surprise me with how [shitty] you are." Bobby gets to choose who will go home.
8:49 p.m. Vanessa returns and says she can't even move her hand. Good luck trying to cook one-handed.
8:51 p.m. "Fuck everybody; I don't need everybody's bullshit," Craig snarls. Matt thinks Craig should go. Everybody at this point thinks Craig should go.
8:52 p.m. Of course, Bobby nominates Craig. "He's like a broken compass in the kitchen; at every station he is lost." And Matt. "He's a little nervous when he's working the station," Bobby says.
8:54 p.m. Chef Ramsay asks another person from the blue team to come forward for elimination. He doesn't even need to call out Ben's name before Ben steps forward. "I am really, seriously disappointed in you. Why should you stay? I'd be fucking embarrassed if I were you," scolds Ramsay.
8:55 p.m. Craig admits he didn't have a good service. All Ramsay can say is "Craig, tonight was the easiest menu Hell's Kitchen ever had." Then he tells Craig, Matt and Ben that all three should leave.
8:56 p.m. Before Ramsay can throw the 30-year-old sous chef out the door, Craig claims he will commit himself 125 percent. That's mathematically impossible. "I don't know much about percentages though," he trails off.
8:57 p.m. The decision has been made. Craig is out the door. Ramsay's final words on him: "Craig was a bad cook with an even worse attitude -- there was no hope."
8:59 p.m. Next week: Romance! Rivalries! Revenge! And one-handed cook? We feel for injured Vanessa. However, it appears Ramsay will be less forgiving.
-Jeanette Kozlowski
