Yesterday, a circuit court judge succinctly summed up the disorder of Circuit Attorney Kim Gardner’s office as a “rudderless ship of chaos.”
The eloquence of this comment has garnered Judge Michael Noble a spot in our inaugural 15 Seconds of Fame column, where we honor someone bringing attention to our area (for the right or wrong reasons). Part of what made Noble’s nautical-themed statement great was the “Beat Navy” sign on his desk by his name plate. KSDK’s Christine Beyers tweeted that Noble also had a picture of an Army/Navy game behind him.
Noble may be the last person to earn this accolade for saying something that wasn’t cringeworthy. Missouri has no shortage of fools.
Noble’s statement put wind in our sails. Sure, one of St. Louis’ few checks on crime is hanging by a thread, but Noble’s comment shows us that a well-worded dunk can brighten even the most depressing exhibits of dysfunction.
In Noble’s honor, we tweaked the opening of The Odyssey, a legendary poem about an adventure on the Aegean Sea. Here it is with a St. Louis twist:
Speak, Memory—
Of Kim Gardner,
The circuit attorney, blown off course time and again
After she battered St. Louis’ sacred courts.
Speak
Of all the courtrooms she never saw, the criminals she let go,
The suffering deep in this heart of America
As she struggled to survive and bring her staff home
But could not save them, hard as she tried to blame them—
The fools—destroyed by their own employment
When they couldn’t be in two places at once,
And the judge snuffed out their day in the sun.
Of these things, Speak,
Oh Embattled One,
And tell the tale once more of why you should stay in office.
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