Now You Can Own the Worst Parking Lot in America

And the seller will even throw in a Target for good measure

Mar 5, 2024 at 7:07 pm

All this could be yours! VIA GOOGLE MAPS

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Do you love densely crowded parking lots but hate the convenience of exits? Are you a big fan of seemingly endless rows of cars who also detests pedestrians? Have you ever wished scores of people would angrily curse your very existence on a daily basis? If so you're in luck, because boy do we have an exciting purchasing opportunity for you.

The St. Louis Post-Dispatch reports that the Brentwood Promenade, home to the Worst Parking Lot in America and the historic site of thousands of fender benders and near-misses involving human body and automobile alike, is up for sale. And as anyone who has ever gripped their steering wheel tightly with both hands while screaming at the top of their lungs on its grounds can attest, it's a purchase that will immediately propel you to the top of the St. Louis zeitgeist among the type of local who would wish death on the owner of a shopping center.

This thrilling chance to own one of the most nightmarishly labyrinthian and poorly designed parking lots the world has ever known comes via the commercial real estate firm CBRE, which is even willing to throw in a Target and a Trader Joe's and a few other retail outlets for good measure.

"CBRE is pleased to offer The Promenade at Brentwood, a 337,800 square foot premier Target anchored retail shopping center located in Brentwood, Missouri," the company writes in its marketing materials. "The Promenade at Brentwood is one of the most dominant shopping centers in the St. Louis MSA, strategically positioned in a strong retail node along S Brentwood Blvd and Service Rd just off Interstates 64 and 170."

"Dominant" is the key word here, considering the way the lot effortlessly wrestles all who dare face it into weary submission. "Tyrannical" would have worked too. "Despotic," even better still.

There is no dollar amount listed for this important piece of St. Louis history, but we 'd argue it's a bargain at any price. And you might even be able to get a deal — nowhere in CBRE's pitch does it even mention the historical importance of the cursed land it is selling, so it just may be unaware of what it has on its hands.

If you do decide that you're the type of person who should own a life-ruining parking lot and the tantalizing shops it uses to lure its unsuspecting prey to its demise, all we ask is that you do us one favor: Burn it all to cinders.

No matter what else you do for the rest of your life, you'll die a hero.

Slideshow

The 21 Worst Places to Park Your Car in St. Louis [PHOTOS]

Parking in Soulard is frequently difficult. But trying to find a spot during Mardi Gras? Fuggetaboutit.

The Brentwood Promenade. Literally the worst. This hellscape of a parking lot can even make a Target run less enjoyable. We have proof.

Going to the Ted Drewes on Chippewa Street is scary parking no matter how you slice it. The parking lot is always overrun with people. And parking across the street and running over for your concrete is dangerous, too.

Yeah, it’s the symbol of our city, but parking near St. Louis’ most well-known tourist attraction is a real pain in the Arch.

It’s damn near impossible to park literally anywhere on or near the Washington University Campus. (Ask any employee and they’ll tell you all about it.)

You’ll wish you took an Uber if you try to park at night near North Euclid Avenue and McPherson Avenue in the Central West End.

No matter how many parking garages there are downtown, one big event can make parking feel like a nightmare.

Click to View 21 slides

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About The Author

Daniel Hill

Daniel Hill is editor at large for the Riverfront Times and he demands to be taken seriously, despite all evidence to the contrary. Follow him on Twitter at @rftmusic.

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