Period-Tracking Missouri DHHS Director Wants You to Listen to Heavy Metal

Period-Tracking Missouri DHHS Director Wants You to Listen to Heavy Metal

There's finally a reason to not listen to heavy metal, and that’s because that period-spreadsheet-keeping director of Missouri Department of Health and Senior Services says that you should.

That’s right, creepy Randall Williams is running a new campaign called Clear the Air to try to convince the youth of today to stop vaping. The campaign urges youngsters to “Just listen to heavy metal. Don’t inhale it.” An expanded version of this ad design further explains that “Vaping products contain microscopic metals that get deep into your lungs.”

This campaign might be well-intended but the inspiration is misguided to say the least. First of all, kids these days don’t listen to heavy metal. They don’t listen to any type of metal at all. They probably don’t even know that “heavy metal” is a music genre.

Modern kids don’t even listen to bands. There is not a live drummer to be found in hardly any popular music made in the past 15 years or so. And unless they’re total weirdos, kids don’t even go to shows anymore.

They do go to big touring concerts, but generally only those of pop stars and rappers. And do you know what they do the whole time they’re there? Drop pills and vape. Kids have all new and increasingly discreet ways of getting ripped. The underage section of any concert is always the most lit section of any venue.

Vaping is probably stupid, but this campaign is not even going to make sense to young vapers, much less get them to put down their Juul’s. Randall Williams has failed again.

You know what? Randall Williams must really be into public humiliation. First of all, he chooses to wear a bow tie. Now he’s unleashed this confusing, ineffective vape campaign. And just last week he got schooled while trying to eat some barbecue (see below.)

Randall Williams, you naughty little freak. We're onto you.

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About The Author

Jaime Lees

Jaime Lees is a digital content editor for the Riverfront Times.
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