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  • Fish Fry-Days: Epiphany of Our Lord

    Fish Fry-Days: Epiphany of Our Lord

    The line at the Epiphany of Our Lord fish fry. | Cheryl Baehr

    As the revelry of Mardi Gras gives way to the solemn season of Lent, seafood-loving St. Louisans can rejoice: It’s fish fry season. This year, we’re checking out some of the area’s Catholic churches to see what’s cooking.

    Epiphany of Our Lord: The “Best Kept Secret in Southwest City”

    Monica Hunyar wears a pin of three gilded fish on her apron. “It was a gift from one of the old-timers,” she explains. “His wife used to be really involved with fish fry, and when she passed, he gave it to me.”

    Hunyar’s story pretty much sums up the tradition-steeped Epiphany of Our Lord (6596 Smiley Avenue; 314-781-1199) fish fry. For more than 50 years (Hunyar can’t exactly recall, but she’s certain it’s been that long), the Clifton Heights parish has honored this Lenten tradition with a massive feast every Ash Wednesday and Friday during Lent, except Good Friday.

    See also: 5 St. Louis Restaurants to Celebrate Lent

    It’s a three-day undertaking: Parishioners begin prepping the food the Wednesday before the Friday fry, making homemade sides and desserts to accompany the seafood extravaganza. “We call ourselves the best-kept secret in Southwest city,” Henyar proudly states. Judging from the packed gymnasium, the cat(fish) is out of the bag.

     

    An admiral's feast at Epiphany of Our Lord. | Cheryl Baehr

    An admiral’s feast at Epiphany of Our Lord. | Cheryl Baehr

    The Food:
    In addition to the traditional fried cod, Epiphany serves cornmeal-crusted catfish, fried jack salmon and battered shrimp by the piece. The parishioners are proud of their homemade sides, including creamy mac & cheese (the highlight of the feast) and vinegary coleslaw. This fish fry is a bargain. A couple can eat for under ten bucks.

    The Scene:
    Epiphany’s fish fry is packed, with a line usually wrapping around the gymnasium. It’s a welcoming crowd — we wonder if this is because of the generous wine pours handed out for a mere $2.

    Insider Tip:
    The catfish and mac & cheese are must-trys. Be sure to grab a piece of the gooey-butter-topped chocolate cake if you see it on the dessert line, and don’t forget to buy your wine tickets when you pay for your food.

    Follow Cheryl Baehr on Twitter at @CherylABaehr. E-mail the author at [email protected].



  • Kendrick Lamar Addresses Criticism to His Ferguson Remarks With “The Blacker the Berry”

    Kendrick Lamar Addresses Criticism to His Ferguson Remarks With “The Blacker the Berry”

    Press photo via official website

    Kendrick Lamar

    Rapper Kendrick Lamar released a new track this week from his hotly anticipated followup to 2012’s Good Kid, M.A.A.D. City. The song, titled “The Blacker the Berry,” was dropped the day after the Compton native took home two Grammy wins for Best Rap Performance and Best Rap Song for his song “i,” also expected to appear on the forthcoming album.

    Whereas “i” is a deeply introspective, life-affirming song, “The Blacker the Berry” is a racially charged call to arms. And in many ways, it appears to confront the criticism he faced for his remarks on the shooting of Mike Brown in Ferguson.

    See also: Kendrick Lamar’s Debut is One of the Most Important Hip-Hop Albums of Our Era

    Lamar drew widespread ire from activists and fellow hip-hop artists owing to an interview he did with Billboard in early January. Specifically:

    Lamar spent much of his childhood on the streets, and he’s cagey about the trouble he might’ve gotten into. “Oh, man, I won’t be able to say that on record. I got into some things, but God willing, he had favoritism over me and my spirit.” He also has been treated unfairly by the cops — “plenty of times. All the time.” Asked about the high-profile killings of African-Americans by police in 2014, from Ferguson, Mo., to Staten Island, he says, “I wish somebody would look in our neighborhood knowing that it’s already a situation, mentally, where it’s f—ked up. What happened to [Michael Brown] should’ve never happened. Never. But when we don’t have respect for ourselves, how do we expect them to respect us? It starts from within. Don’t start with just a rally, don’t start from looting — it starts from within.”

    The backlash was immediate, with fellow hip-hop artists Azealia Banks and Kid Cudi leading the charge.

    Lamar’s sentiment wasn’t a new one. The entirety of Good Kid, M.A.A.D. City — a concept album whose tracks tell an unbroken narrative when taken as a whole — essentially offered the same message. But critics of his remarks felt Lamar was playing respectability politics — ground tread more often by the likes of Bill Cosby and Steve Harvey than that of Kendrick’s hero and supposed musical ancestor, Tupac.

    The opening lines of “The Blacker the Berry” seem to address the unrest in Ferguson directly:

    Continue to page two.

  • RIP Fred Teutenberg, King of the Dirt Cheap Commercials

    RIP Fred Teutenberg, King of the Dirt Cheap Commercials

    YouTube

    See you at the crossroads, Fred Teutenberg. We expect you to have a cigarette and some “cheap, cheap” Beefeater gin waiting for us.

    Fred Teutenberg, hero to the persecuted smokers and cheap drinkers of St. Louis, died of congestive heart failure at his Brentwood home on Monday, December 29.

    The 75-year-old entrepreneur, who opened the Dirt Cheap stores chain, earned a special place in St. Louisans’ hearts, not just for his reasonably priced alcohol and cigarettes but for the commercials that were always a party in themselves — a party that included a giant yellow chicken wearing a bathing suit.

     

    The more you drink, the better Fred Teutenberg looks in this commercial. - YouTube

    YouTube

    The more you drink, the better Fred Teutenberg looks in this commercial.

    Teutenberg wasn’t afraid to star in his own wacky commercials written to convince St. Louis residents to buy their booze where it was “cheap, cheap” and “fun, fun.” Here are two of our favorites:

    In this work of cinematographic magic, Teutenberg physically embodies his famous saying, “The more she drinks, the better you look,” by transforming into a hunky body-builder.
    “I don’t know about you, but I need all the help I can get,” Teutenberg tells the audience in his raspy smoker’s voice.

    In this commercial, Teutenberg suggests customers buy a large wallet to hold their savings from Dirt Cheap because, “remember, size really does matter.”

    Teutenberg makes a special plea to smokers to buy their cigarettes from Dirt Cheap, saying, “We are the last refuge of the persecuted smoker.”

    Teutenberg, a Webster Groves native, came from a long line of St. Louis restaurateurs and spent sixteen years building Dirt Cheap. He left in what he only ever described to the St. Louis Post-Dispatch as a mysterious “parting of ways” to found his own store, Fred’s Cheapo Depot.

    “I’m back to offer you all your favorite vices at cheaper prices,” Teutenberg says in a Fred’s Cheapo Depot commercial.

    There’s no giant chicken this time, but there is a cartoon version of Teutenberg as a hockey player with a black eye.

    Teutenberg and the Dirt Cheap chain liked to end commercials with the same helpful advice: “Have fun, and be careful out there.”

    Follow Lindsay Toler on Twitter at @StLouisLindsay. E-mail the author at [email protected].

  • The “Save Big Money at Menards” Jingle: A History

     

    Menards_Guy_Ray.jpg
    Screengrab via YouTube
    “Menards Guy” Ray Szmanda

     

    Certain homegrown songs get played quite a bit in the Midwest, but there’s one song that seems to explode across our airwaves more than any other. It’s been a hit on every terrestrial radio station within the state’s limits and is instantly identifiable by anyone who has ever spent time with their television or radio on.

    Of course, I’m talking about the Menards Jingle.

    Most of us remember it for the eleven months out of the year that the infectious staccato banjo instrumental beneath “Menards Man” Ray Szmanda’s irresistible pitch for us to “Save Big Money at Menards” comforts us as only advertising can.

    But the holiday season has always been signified by the jingle’s winter remix. Those plucked high strings and rapturous sleigh bells transport us to the mystical Decembers of our youth. After being made aware of their annual “Home for Christmas” sale, often including faucets and phones, we’re met under the mistletoe with the timeless carol “Warm season’s greetings to you all from Menards!”

    In a world where jingles often change and even the most longstanding of standards become altered or updated, Menards has boldly stuck to its guns. Since the store has used the jingle for literally decades, we decided to reach out to Menards’ corporate offices to get the full story on the song. After checking around, we were told that nobody currently working for Menards was even around when the jingle was put into use, and that they’ve just kept using it.

    While “it’s just always existed” would be a compelling mythology for the Menards jingle, the Internet reveals something of a dispute as to where it originally came from. While there’s no real way to hold blog posts and their subsequent comments to any sort of accountability, here are the facts we know for sure:

    *Menards was founded in 1960 by John Menard Jr.
    *The jingle was recorded at Irish Saxe Studios.
    *The current particular recordings we hear were recorded in the early ’80s.
    *You’ll save big money at Menards.

    Outside of this, things get tricky. While the popular feel-good urban legend is that the jingle’s music and lyrics were created by John Menard Jr.’s wife as something of a home improvement theme-music Betsy Ross, most accounts attribute the song’s origins to studio musicians and the competitive nature of the jingle era.

    Irish Saxe Studios, Appleton, Wisconsin’s jingle mothership, is the likely spot of the Menards jingle event horizon. In 1972, Eau Claire WAXX/WAYY station manager and friend to Menard Bob Holton wrote the lyrics over some stock music, selling it to Menard on the cheap.

    The track was used for about a decade and then composer Mitch Irish rearranged it in 1982. Irish, who is also known for the music from Troma Studio’s cult classic The Capture of Bigfoot (directed by former Reform Party candidate for governor of Wisconsin Bill Rebane), also recorded this new version at Irish Saxe, known today as Saxe Productions.

    While the Menards Christmas jingle remains a complete mystery to us, we can at least live with the knowledge that the original jingle was made by mere mortals.

    But as the seasons change, friends come and go, and neighborhoods evolve, every year our lives will have one constant: those warm banjos and the comfort of being told we’ll “save big money at Menards.”

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  • Why Ariana Grande Is Terrifying

    Why Ariana Grande Is Terrifying

    Melissa Rose via Wikipedia

    Behold the face of pure evil.

    I feel the same way about pop star Ariana Grande as I do about kittens. Like a kitten, she is small, manic and often has furry ears. Like a kitten, everyone in the world loves her. And, like a kitten, she fills me with deep, untenable terror.

    This is not a reason to grin. It’s a reason to lock your doors.

    News reports have done nothing to quiet my petrifying fear of demon-plagued potential serial killer Ariana Grande. If she turns out to be a sociopath who takes over the world and destroys us, don’t act like I didn’t warn you in a completely reasoned way.

    Let’s survey the evidence:

    Her Family
    Psychologists generally agree that sociopathy runs in families. One memory Grande has of her mother seems a little different from the typical nurturing: “When I was a little kid she smeared blood all over the walls in our new house and said O.J. did it.” And then there’s her brother, who detailed his fantasies for an elaborate killing of one of his housemates on Big Brother 16. So, OK then.

    Her Mutability
    The ability to change one’s emotions at the blink of an eye is a classic trait of sociopathy. Take a look at the footage of this conversation with the hosts of Good Morning America on the topic of Ariana’s recently deceased grandfather:

    For a second Ariana looks like she’s going to cry. Then, everyone looks away and — snap, nod, drop. If there’s anything left on her face, it’s cold, undiluted malice. This is the part when Ryan Seacrest wakes up in the middle of the night with “U DIE ALIVE LOL” written in blood across his chest.

    Her Accent
    Speaking of abrupt shifts, observe the progression of Ariana’s public persona. During an inane interview featuring questions inside of balloons, she sounds essentially the same as her character on the brain-meltingly idiotic teen sitcom Victorious, her sole source of fame at the time. Now compare this to an interview six months later after the release of her hit debut single, “The Way.”

    Asthmatic white girl to super-down and borderline ratchet over the course of a semester? You don’t go from teen idiot to “urban cool” that convincingly unless you’ve got a Ted Bundy-esque eye for interpersonal control.

    Continue to page two for more proof that Ariana Grande is to be feared.

  • William Lynn Gunter Sentenced to 30 Years for Murder of Wife Suzanne

    William Lynn Gunter Sentenced to 30 Years for Murder of Wife Suzanne

    The Gunters’ former Town & Country home.

    The March 2013 murder of Suzanne Ball Gunter, allegedly by her husband, William Lynn, piqued the interest of many across the country — even international press covered her death. Perhaps it was their seemingly comfortable life in Town & Country, or their reputation as a fun-loving couple with lots of friends.

    “I knew them both forever. It’s a terrible thing, a big shock,” says Mark Vinson, a long-time family friend and former colleague of the couple who lives in Kentucky.

    The case, which was headed for a November 3 jury trial, ended on Friday when Mr. Gunter — who goes by Lynn — pleaded guilty to second-degree murder. A judge sentenced him on Monday to 30 years in prison.

    “The evidence was overwhelming. Lynn did not want to put his family through a trial,” his attorney John Rogers tells Daily RFT. “All these things were involved in the decision-making process and the enter of a guilty plea.”

    See also: William Lynn Gunter, Accused of Beating Wife to Death, Claims it Was an Accident

     

    William Lynn Gunter and Suzanne Ball Gunter. - St. Louis County PD/LinkedIn

    St. Louis County PD/LinkedIn

    William Lynn Gunter and Suzanne Ball Gunter.

    Back on March 18, 2013, Town & Country police were called to the 1500 block of Mason Hill Court in the middle of the afternoon for an “accidental injury.” According to court documents, Suzanne was found at the base of a flight of tiled stairs in a large pool of blood. There was also blood spatter on the walls, ceiling and down the hall; beside her body lay a picture frame and a laptop computer. Lynn was at home at the time and told police he heard Suzanne call for Fergie, the family dog, before hearing a loud thud. Lynn said his wife tried to stand up but could not, convulsed and hit her head on the floor, and that he held her head in his lap. According to police, Lynn then called neighbors, who themselves called 911 — a detail that seemed to arouse suspicion.

    Suzanne died at the hospital, and an autopsy report concluded the cause was blunt force trauma inconsistent with falling down the stairs. The medical examiner retrieved short, dark hairs from Suzanne’s hands and fingernails, and said that the broken laptop computer found beside her could have inflicted the head injuries that killed her. Two days after the incident, St. Louis County police arrested Lynn and charged him with first-degree murder. He initially pleaded not guilty.

    Attorneys for Lynn tried to argue that because the Gunters’ neighbors quickly cleaned up the bloody scene in an attempt to be helpful, they destroyed evidence that could have exonerated Lynn. Additionally, those hairs retrieved in the autopsy mysteriously went missing and were never tested to see if they matched Lynn. The motion called this destruction of evidence and a denial of due process, and asked that the indictment be thrown out. Lynn also received a psychological evaluation and was deemed competent to stand trial.

    See also: Homicides No. 109-110: Brother, Sister Killed in Nearby Shootings Hours Apart

    Central to the St. Louis County Prosecutor’s investigation was a woman Daily RFT will identify as K.P. Officials sought emails from Lynn’s work address to K.P., who lives in Kentucky. A petition from assistant prosecuting attorney Dean Waldemer said K.P. would be essential to his case because “she had personal contact with the defendant before the murder and defendant discussed his relationship with the victim with the witness.”

    “The evidence he was having an affair was overwhelming,” says Ed Magee, spokesman for the St. Louis County Prosecutor’s office.

    On October 8, Waldemer submitted a letter to Lynn’s legal team stating that he’d spoken with one of the Gunters’ two adult daughters, who told him of an incident when Suzanne called Lynn on the phone and accused him of having an affair. The daughter told Waldemer that “her father then told her a crazy man had called from Kentucky and told her mother that he had a girlfriend in Kentucky. He said that this was untrue…[She] also indicated that within the last six months, her father wrote her a letter admitting to the affair with [K.P.]”

    Magee says K.P. visited Lynn in the St. Louis County jail multiple times, the last visit was on October 9. About a week and a half later, Lynn pleaded guilty to the lesser charge of murder in the second degree.

    “It was a plea agreement that was reached between the prosecution and the defense and the family — the two daughters of the victim, along with her brother and sister — were very happy with that,” says Magee. “Nobody wanted this to go to trial.”

    Vinson, one of several friends of the couple who contacted Daily RFT over the past year and a half inquiring about the case, says he met Lynn in college and Suzanne when they all worked together at Xerox.

    “They were just a professional young couple. Everybody liked them. Fun-loving, Suzy was real smart, moved up in the ranks of Xerox, she was a cheerleader. Everybody loved her,” he says. “And Lynn was — or is — everybody liked him. He was kind of like the class-clown type. There’s bunch of us that sort of reconnected after this happened. We couldn’t believe it.”

    Email the author at [email protected].

  • High-Speed Boat Flips on Lake of the Ozarks, Kills Mike Fiore After Horrific Crash [VIDEO]

    High-Speed Boat Flips on Lake of the Ozarks, Kills Mike Fiore After Horrific Crash [VIDEO]

    via YouTube

    A boat racing in the Lake of the Ozarks Shootout flips into the air and crashes.

    The founder of an offshore powerboat company died Tuesday after his boat launched into the air, flipped and crash-landed on the Lake of the Ozarks during a racing event.

    Michael Fiore, 44, was the throttleman in a 42-foot catamaran when it crashed Saturday on the milelong racing course. He was airlifted to a hospital in Columbia, where he died after complications from surgery, according to Lake News Online.

    The boat’s driver and only other occupant — Joel Begin, 47, of Valley Field, Quebec — was injured and survived the crash at the Lake of the Ozarks Shootout event.

    See also: Crazy Lake of the Ozarks Boat Crash Footage Goes Viral [VIDEO]

    “We are devastated by what’s happened,” Ron Duggan, committee chairman for the race, said to the St. Louis Post-Dispatch. “We’ve never experienced anything like this in our 26 years.”

    The crash was caught on video by people filming the race. These racing fans watching from a nearby dock begin scream with fear as the boat flies into the air:

    Commentators for Fox KRBK call the crash “one of the most harrowing pictures we’ve ever seen at this event”:

    The Missouri Highway Patrol blamed the crash on wind, which picked the boat up as it traveled about 170 mph, causing it to flip end over end and crash-land in the water. But other boats on the race course, including at least one traveling at a top speed of 244 mph, didn’t have the same problem.

    “It was a smooth course — no waves, no bumps,” Duggan told the Post-Dispatch. “A big bluff protects them from wind. For some reason, the boat just trapped air underneath it and flipped.”

    Fiore was the owner of the Rhode Island-based Outerlimits Offshore Powerboat Company and had a wife and three young children.

    Follow Lindsay Toler on Twitter at @StLouisLindsay. E-mail the author at [email protected].

  • Ask a Mexican! And why do Mexican men get jealous when Mexican women date hombres of other races?

    Dear Mexican: I see lots of Mexican-Americans struggling in grade school and high school. Many Mexican-American activists claim it’s because they don’t speak English at home or the schools don’t teach them well. But I see lots of Asian-Americans in the same schools who do really well. Many of them also don’t speak English at home. The last time I went to a hospital, it seemed like Asians were 30% of all the doctors. I didn’t see a single Latino one. Why is it that one group consistently does better than the other? I don’t understand.
    Clueless

    Dear Gabacho: Because Mexican students are stupid, while Asian students are geniuses — that’s what you and your ilk want to hear, right? This pregunta always busts me up, because no matter how many studies activists can offer examining the myths of model minorities and Mexican apathy toward academics — variables, educational background of parents, socioeconomic conditions of neighborhoods, the quality of schools blah, blah, blah — Know Nothings dismiss the facts. That’s not what they want to hear, and they don’t even care about solutions to the education gap. So I’ll just say it again to please ustedes: Mexican students are stupid, Asian students are geniuses. Happy? Of course you are! However, just because you wish something to be verdad doesn’t make it so — and if you don’t believe me, go see what happened to Mitt Romney’s dream of Mexicans self-deporting.

    Dear Mexican: Far too many Mexicans REFUSE going to the trouble of learning English. They often speak Spanish annoyingly loud in public. Sometimes, the KIDS speak better English than their PARENTS! And, if they don’t understand you, they just smile and say, “No, si, no.” What is that crap anyway! How about learning enough of our language to say, “I’m as proudly Mexican as you are American. Screw you, muchacho!” While this would be totally obnoxious, at least it’d be more HONEST than “No, si, no.”
    Willy the White Writer

    Dear Gabacho: Of course the kids speak better English than their parents — the kids are Americans, while the parents are Mexicans. And those Mexicans are muy honest with you — or do you not hear them mutter “Chinga tu madre, pinche gabacho feo apestoso” under their breath?

    Dear Mexican: My boyfriend is Mexican, and I am a gabacha. Whenever my boyfriend sees a Mexican girl with someone of a different race, he gets disgusted and mad (especially when he sees them with black guys.) I’ve pointed out to him that he seems a bit hypocritical, since he’s with a white girl as well — but he says that he makes an exception for me. Do all Mexicans feel this way, or is my boyfriend pinche loco?
    Lover of Verga

    Dear Cock-Loving Gabacha: Of course your guy is pinche loco — but so are all men of color. Hombres complaining that their raza’s women are dickmatized by gabachos while boasting about nailing gabachas is a trope as old as gabachos fearful that oversexed bucks and banditos were taking too many of their women. That said, I’m not going to dismiss the anti-negrito sentiment that still dominates the Mexican mind, especially when said negrito is dating a mexicana. Raza: We gotta drop anti-black thoughts from our community the same way we ditched Carlos Mencia.

    Ask the Mexican at [email protected], be his fan on Facebook, follow him on Twitter @gustavoarellano or follow him on Instagram @gustavo_arellano!

  • St. Louis Hills Christmas Lights

    St. Louis Hills Christmas Lights

    Misplaced your Christmas cheer? Hop in the car and head to St. Louis Hills after sundown, because the denizens of the south city neighborhood have plenty to go around. Every November, the 6500 block of Murdoch Avenue transforms into Candy Cane Lane, and in the weeks leading up Christmas, they play host to thousands of car-bound St. Louis families who come here for the high concentration of twinkling lights. It’s sort of the perfect set-up: Buy your Douglas fir at Ted Drewes’ tree lot a block and a half away, and then join the snaking line of idling vehicles patiently waiting for their turns to marinate in the artificial glow of mass-produced Christmas wonder. Photos by Kholood Eid.

    Scroll down to view images
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    The sights on "Candy Cane Lane" (aka the 6500 block of Murdoch Avenue).

    Kholood Eid
    The sights on “Candy Cane Lane” (aka the 6500 block of Murdoch Avenue).
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    The sights on "Candy Cane Lane" (aka the 6500 block of Murdoch Avenue).

    Kholood Eid
    The sights on “Candy Cane Lane” (aka the 6500 block of Murdoch Avenue).
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    The sights on "Candy Cane Lane" (aka the 6500 block of Murdoch Avenue).

    Kholood Eid
    The sights on “Candy Cane Lane” (aka the 6500 block of Murdoch Avenue).
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    The sights on "Candy Cane Lane" (aka the 6500 block of Murdoch Avenue).

    Kholood Eid
    The sights on “Candy Cane Lane” (aka the 6500 block of Murdoch Avenue).
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    People photographing Christmas displays on the 6500 block of Murdoch Avenue in South City.

    Kholood Eid
    People photographing Christmas displays on the 6500 block of Murdoch Avenue in South City.
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    The sights on "Candy Cane Lane" (aka the 6500 block of Murdoch Avenue).

    Kholood Eid
    The sights on “Candy Cane Lane” (aka the 6500 block of Murdoch Avenue).
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    Children running past Christmas decorations on "Candy Cane Lane" in South City.

    Kholood Eid
    Children running past Christmas decorations on “Candy Cane Lane” in South City.
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    Missey Doll of St. Louis functions as traffic control and decor on "Candy Cane Lane."

    Kholood Eid
    Missey Doll of St. Louis functions as traffic control and decor on “Candy Cane Lane.”
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    Mary Elliott, Mitch Hanneken, Erna Sinovcic and Tyler Kern, 5, collect donations for Camp Happy Day from passing cars and distribute candy canes on Wednesday night on the 6500 block of Murdoch Avenue. Hanneken founded Camp Happy Day in 1971 to help children with learning disabilities, speech/language impairments, behavior disorders and signs of Autism.

    Kholood Eid
    Mary Elliott, Mitch Hanneken, Erna Sinovcic and Tyler Kern, 5, collect donations for Camp Happy Day from passing cars and distribute candy canes on Wednesday night on the 6500 block of Murdoch Avenue. Hanneken founded Camp Happy Day in 1971 to help children with learning disabilities, speech/language impairments, behavior disorders and signs of Autism.
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    Cars slowly drove down the 6500 block of Murdoch Avenue in South City (transformed into "Candy Cane Lane" for Christmas) on Wednesday night to take in the sights and stop for donations to Camp Happy Day.

    Kholood Eid
    Cars slowly drove down the 6500 block of Murdoch Avenue in South City (transformed into “Candy Cane Lane” for Christmas) on Wednesday night to take in the sights and stop for donations to Camp Happy Day.
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    A roped off Santa display, made with 7 tons of sand, sits on the 6500 block of Murdoch Avenue during the holiday season.

    Kholood Eid
    A roped off Santa display, made with 7 tons of sand, sits on the 6500 block of Murdoch Avenue during the holiday season.
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    Mary Elliott and Tyler Kern, 5, accept donations and give candy canes to drivers passing through "Candy Cane Lane" on Wednesday night in South City.

    Kholood Eid
    Mary Elliott and Tyler Kern, 5, accept donations and give candy canes to drivers passing through “Candy Cane Lane” on Wednesday night in South City.
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    Tyler Kern, 5, watches as cars pass through "Candy Cane Lane." Kern helped collect donations on Wednesday night for Happy Camp Day.

    Kholood Eid
    Tyler Kern, 5, watches as cars pass through “Candy Cane Lane.” Kern helped collect donations on Wednesday night for Happy Camp Day.
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    Missey Doll of St. Louis functions as traffic control and decor on "Candy Cane Lane."

    Kholood Eid
    Missey Doll of St. Louis functions as traffic control and decor on “Candy Cane Lane.”
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    Missey Doll of St. Louis functions as traffic control and decor on "Candy Cane Lane."

    Kholood Eid
    Missey Doll of St. Louis functions as traffic control and decor on “Candy Cane Lane.”
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    "Snowflake Street" in St. Louis Hills.

    Kholood Eid
    “Snowflake Street” in St. Louis Hills.
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    Houses decked out in Christmas cheer on "Snowflake Street."

    Kholood Eid
    Houses decked out in Christmas cheer on “Snowflake Street.”
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    Christmas decorations in front of houses on "Snowflake Street."

    Kholood Eid
    Christmas decorations in front of houses on “Snowflake Street.”
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    Christmas decorations in front of houses on "Snowflake Street."

    Kholood Eid
    Christmas decorations in front of houses on “Snowflake Street.”
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    Houses decked out in Christmas cheer on "Snowflake Street."

    Kholood Eid
    Houses decked out in Christmas cheer on “Snowflake Street.”
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    Sitting on a couch in a windowless room are two other aspiring porn actors who, like Jenny, responded to an ad on Craiglist titled “STL actors needed for porno.” They are Kelly, a 31-year-old whose slight body almost makes her look like a teenager, and Rory, a middle-aged blond with a farmer’s tan. None has ever appeared in an adult film before, but in just a few minutes the three are supposed to engage in a ménage à trois in front of a camera. As Corey sets up the lights for the shoot, the three awkwardly make their introductions. Jenny asks Rory his age.

    “I’m 43. You?”

    “I’m nineteen.”

    “Oh, really? That’s around my kids’ ages.”

    Jenny can’t hide her unease. She excuses herself and asks Corey to have a word outside.

    “I wasn’t told the guy was gonna be in his forties!” she angrily whispers.

    Just then Sam arrives. A bit more businesslike in his appearance than Corey, he’s dressed in khakis and an oversized dress shirt. Apprised of the dilemma, the porno producer with about ten amateur films under his belt adroitly offers a solution.

    “Are you comfortable having sex with just the girl?” he asks Jenny in his calm, monotone voice.

    “Yeah. I can do that,” she says.

    Sam turns to Corey. “So how about if we do one girl-on-girl scene, and then we do a guy-on-girl with the other two?” he says, motioning toward Kelly and Rory.

    Corey likes the idea. Although it would take more time to do two films, he and his business partner could potentially make a little more money for their fledgling startup, STL Adult Films LLC.

    “Let’s do it,” says Corey, and they all go back into the room. But first there are some quick business matters to address.

  • Chuck Berry’s St. Louis Homes and Properties Before He Was Rich and Famous [Photos]

    Chuck Berry’s St. Louis Homes and Properties Before He Was Rich and Famous [Photos]

    Chris Naffziger

    Berry and his family would live here for two short years before moving again.

    In the late 1950s Chuck Berry purchased a 35-acre plot in rural St. Charles County where he dreamed of creating a lavish property to rival those of the segregated country clubs he’d seen growing up in St. Louis. The result was “Berry Park,” a sprawling compound complete with guest cottages, a nightclub and guitar-shaped swimming pool. Today the 17,000-square-foot mansion he built at Berry Park remains the rock & roll legend’s primary residence. He also keeps a second home in the affluent suburb of Ladue.

    It wasn’t always this way.

    See also: Chuck Berry Reviews Classic Punk Records In Unearthed Jet Lag Zine From 1980

    Click on the pin drops for a tour of Berry’s early homes and businesses.

    For the first 30 years of his life (minus a short stint in prison), Berry lived in essentially the same black, working-class neighborhood of north St. Louis. Here is a look at those first St. Louis properties owned or occupied by Chuck Berry — before all those music royalties came rolling in.

    Up first: The site of Chuck Berry’s birth — the home where he got his first taste of music.

     

    Homer G. Phillips Hospital now sits on the site of Chuck Berry's birthplace. - Chris Naffziger

    Chris Naffziger

    Homer G. Phillips Hospital now sits on the site of Chuck Berry’s birthplace.

    2520 Goode Avenue
    Chuck Berry was born October 18, 1926, at 6:59 a.m. inside a small home at 2520 Goode Avenue, now known as Annie Malone Drive. The family moved a few years after Berry’s birth, and the home was soon torn down for construction of Homer G. Phillips Hospital, which served for decades as the city’s only medical center for blacks. Although his time at the Goode home was short, it was here that a young Chuck Berry was first introduced to music. As he writes in his autobiography:

    Mother and daddy were of the Baptist faith and sang in the Antioch Church choir. The choir rehearsed in our home around the upright piano in the front room. My very first memories, while still in my baby crib, are of musical sounds — the assembled pure harmonies of the Baptist hymns, dominated by my mother’s soprano and supported by my father’s bass blending with the stirring rhythms of true Baptist soul. I was always trying to crawl out of my crib and into the front room to where the rhythm came from. Long before I learned to walk I was patting my foot to those Baptist beats, rocked by the rhythm of the deacons’ feet focused on the tempo of the times. Oh! But the feeling it generated still stirs my memory of back when. Hallelujah!

    Next: The Berrys move to a home with modern luxuries such as a telephone.

     

    Berry and his family would live here for two short years before moving again. - Chris Naffziger

    Chris Naffziger

    Berry and his family would live here for two short years before moving again.

    4420 Cottage Avenue
    After briefly moving to a home across the street from Berry’s birthplace on Goode Avenue, the Berry family settled at 4420 Cottage Avenue, also in the Ville neighborhood. They would stay at this location for just about two years. Recalls Berry of the 4420 Cottage home:

    Late in the second grade our family moved again. Daddy found a five-room brick bungalow with full bath, full basement, central heating, and a front and backyard just two blocks away at 4420 Cottage Avenue. We thought it was a palace to have closets and front and back porches. The rent was $25 a month. Mother dug in her savings and added new pieces of furniture that included a new Whirlpool washing machine and a pedal Singer sewing machine that (to my delight) I was invited to pedal while mother sewed. Daddy had some white people install a telephone which brought a million questions from me about its function.

    Next: The Berrys move to a home that Chuck will return to time and time again as a teen and young adult.

     

    The empty lot to the left is all that remains of the Berry property on Labadie Avenue. - Chris Naffziger

    Chris Naffziger

    The empty lot to the left is all that remains of the Berry property on Labadie Avenue.

    4319 Labadie
    While Berry was in fourth grade, his family moved again to a duplex on Labadie Street. The Berry family (which in addition to Chuck included his parents, Henry and Martha, and five siblings) would stay at this home for years with Berry returning to the home at the age of 21 (after serving four years in a juvenile center for a carjacking) and, again, a few years later with his new bride, Themetta. The Labadie home has since been torn down, but the property is still owned by Chuck Berry. In his autobiography Berry recalls that the duplex had four rooms with bath and basement and a second floor with the same number of rooms. And it was at this home that Berry first developed his infamous kink. He writes:

    One evening I came through the gangway of home and heard water running in the bathroom on the second floor next door. The light from the window was casting down on the roof of our porch. Temptation told me I might finally see a girl’s parts, so I hurried to the room and creeped toward the open window to redeem my dream. There, through six inches of raised shade, I saw — for the first time in my life — the bare buttocks of a woman about to step into the bathtub. I froze, instantly excited, and crouched stunned and amazed at my long-awaited view of the opposite sex. She even turned around momentarily and allowed a direct view of the front part as she came over to pull the down the shade.

    Next: Chuck Berry and his young wife, Themetta, get their first place on Delmar Boulevard.

     

    This former boarding house, once owned by Berry's uncle, served as the first home to a newly married Chuck and Themetta. - Chris Naffziger

    Chris Naffziger

    This former boarding house, once owned by Berry’s uncle, served as the first home to a newly married Chuck and Themetta.

    4352 Delmar Boulevard
    Chuck and Themetta Berry have been married now for 66 years. But in early 1949 the couple was newly hitched and looking for a place to call their own. They found that first spot in a rooming house owned by Berry’s maternal uncle at 4352 Delmar. The couple would stay there for less than a year — eventually moving back in with Berry’s family at 4319 Labadie. Still for a short while, the happy newlyweds had a place of their own and felt that they were really making it — even if they were not. During this time, Berry was earning $80 a week at an auto assembly plant and another $35 a week doing handyman work with his father. Themetta, meanwhile, brought in another $20 a week working at a cleaners. Writes Berry of their short stint at 4352 Delmar:

    We had a 1941 Buick, a refrigerator and were on our way to riches. We were living like the best of the white folks until one evening we were dressed in our “Sunday clothes” on our way to a movie. All the tenants were on the porch chatting as we noticed our parking space. There was no ’41 Buick parked where we’d left it at the curb. I boasted about calling the police but knew it had been repossessed by the finance company.

    Up next: Berry moves to the home where he’d pen his greatest hits. The now-vacant building was recently placed on the National Register of Historic Places.

  • Here Are Some Terrible Pickup Lines From Hilarious Comedians

    Here Are Some Terrible Pickup Lines From Hilarious Comedians

    Chris Neff: If I could rearrange the alphabet I’d stick my dick in your mouth.

    Smooth talking the opposite sex is a mysterious art form deserving of a master class. Still, any idiot knows that cheesy pick-up lines are never the way to go. We’ve all heard them, laughed at them, and if one of them actually worked for you, well…more power to your genitals.

    The general rule when it comes to the “pick-up line” is to actually treat it as an icebreaker that will make the other person smile which, if you’re lucky, will lead to conversation. And if you are really, really lucky, it’ll lead to you sealing the deal.

    We’ve heard some pretty cheesetastic pick-up lines ourselves over the years such as, “Girl, I’d eat you like a Denny’s Grand Slam. For breakfast, lunch, and dinner.” (FYI-it did NOT work) so we decided to compile a list filled with “do not even try” lines just for you. We went straight to the some of the funniest standups we know for some of the corniest lines they have ever heard (or in some cases, even said themselves).

    Brandon “Gooch” Hahn: Did my brain just put its dick in your mouth because you just blew my mind!

    Brad Williams: You remind me of a bottle of Snapple because you’re made from the best stuff on earth.

    Virginia Collins: Oh you like 2 Chainz? I’m his manager.

    Colin Quinn: Hey miss. Sit on my face and I’ll guess your weight.

    Mark Gonzales: You’re like my iPhone, I want to rub my cock all over it.

    Suli McCullough: “Are you religious? Because seeing you is a come to Jesus moment!” Also there is always the classic, “You must be a fan of martial arts because Jean-Claude Van Dammmmmn you’re fine!”

    Keith Robinson: What I used to when I was driving was, when I was stopped at a light and I’d see a good looking lady, I’d beep and when they’d roll their window down I’d say, “I’m little lost. Do you happen to have directions to your heart?”

    Mariya Alexander: Damn boy, are you my parents approval? Because I’m starving for you.

    Jen Murphy: Can you make like baby Jessica and fall into my hole?

    Chris Neff: If I could rearrange the alphabet I’d stick my dick in your mouth.

    Shaun Latham: I just drop a sugar packet and then say, “Hey. You dropped your name tag.” Then I pick up the sugar packet and give it to her.

    Rich Vos: Do you know what I can do to you before I smash you in the head with a shovel?

    Grant Cotter: If we went on a date I’d eat mothballs before I picked you up because I know you’d be giving me butterflies in my stomach.

    Sharon Barragan: You busy? You wanna get busy?

    Continue to page two for more.

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