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  • Billy Little: Pastor and Pyschologist Accused of Dusty Sex Scandal

    Billy Little: Pastor and Pyschologist Accused of Dusty Sex Scandal

    amazon.com

    Billy Lee Little

    A retired Baptist minister and licensed psychologist who, according to his biography, once hosted a counseling program on KMOX and worked as a sports psychologist for the baseball Cardinals, stands accused today of taking advantage of a female patient.

    And the plaintiffs and their attorney believe more victims may be out there.

    “The primary motive of my clients is to encourage others to come forward,” says attorney Ken Chackes, who’s representing Darrell and Rhonda Pitt in their lawsuit against Pastor Billy Lee Little and the now-defunct Christ Memorial Baptist Church of Cool Valley. “It’s our understanding that the church board established a fund for victims of Little, and it’s believed that one other person came forward but that no relief was awarded.”

    Cynthia Holmes, the attorney representing the church, tells Daily RFT that no such fund exists. In March a St. Louis County judge dismissed the church from the lawsuit, though the Pitts are seeking to reinstate the defendant. Meanwhile, at a hearing today the attorney representing Little is expected to ask that his client also be dismissed from the case.

    The Pitts’ lawsuit claims that Little provided the couple with marriage counseling in the early 1980s at a time they were members of the north county church. The suit alleges that after a few counseling sessions Little suggested that Darrell was “not the problem” and that just Rhonda needed treatment.

    Soon afterward Little hired Rhonda to work as his personal secretary, according to the suit filed in December, and he began coming onto her during her job and at counseling sessions.

     

    Little is the author of several self-help books, including this one published in 2010.

    Little is the author of several self-help books, including this one published in 2010.

    “Beginning in or about 1986 and continuing on until 1987 or 1988 defendant Little had sexual contact with plaintiff Rhonda Pitt in and around defendant Christ Memorial Baptist Church and elsewhere,” the complaint reads. “Defendant Little’s sexual advancements began when he kissed plaintiff Rhonda Pitt while plaintiff Rhonda Pitt was working as the secretary in the church office.”

    Chackes says his client lived with the guilt of the affair for more than two decades. It was only when she received therapy in recent years from a different counselor that she was encouraged to tell her husband of what happened. The lawsuit contends that in May 2010 Darrell Pitt confronted Little about the affair and that the minister bragged of having sex with his wife in Pitt’s living room and recounting his wife’s favorite sexual positions.

    Two weeks later Little allegedly retired from the church — following 51 years of service — but soon returned to deliver a guest sermon in which he allegedly told congregants that Darrel was upset that his wife “came onto him.”

    Little’s attorney, Aaron Staebell, declined to comment to Daily RFT without permission from his client. But in an answer Staebell filed with the court, his client denies most all claims from the Pitts while neither confessing to nor confirming his relationship with Rhonda Pitt some twenty years ago. Court records further indicate that Little isn’t the only person behaving inappropriately.

    In June 2010 Little filed a restraining order against Darrell Pitt and was granted a full order of protection that remains in effect.

    Records on file with the state licensing board suggest that Little has something of a track record when it comes to sexual relations with female clients. In 1996 the State Committee of Pyschologists suspended his license for a year after finding that he had an inappropriate social relationship with a female patient that turned sexual and that he had performed “pressure point” treatments on another woman for which he was not properly trained.

    Following the suspension, Little was required to tape record his sessions with all female clients during a probationary period and produce the tapes to the committee when requested. Rhonda Pitt claims in her lawsuit that Little called her at the time he was facing discipline from the licensing board and warned her not to tell anyone of their sexual relationship.

    The Pitts case is interesting because unlike most repressed memory cases involving those abused by priests, Rhonda isn’t claiming that she blocked the affair out of her mind. She just chose not to do anything about it until having follow-up therapy. Her husband’s first knowledge of the affair — in 2010 — would fall within the five year statute of limitations for a claim.

    The Pitts are suing Little for emotional distress, breach of fiduciary duty and defamation. Meanwhile, they claim the church failed to properly supervise its clergy.

    On December 29 of last year Christ Memorial Baptist Church voluntarily dissolved itself with the Secretary of State’s Office. The building is now owned by another congregation, New Horizon 7th Day Christian.

  • Best and Worst Easter Candy Countdown: Edible Easter Grass, Worst

    Best and Worst Easter Candy Countdown: Edible Easter Grass, Worst

    RFT photo

    As Easter Sunday creeps closer, Gut Check dreams of baskets piled high with pastel-colored candies, chocolate shaped like baby animals and, oh sweet Jesus, Cadbury eggs. We remember well the ritual of sorting the bounty bestowed by the big, weird Easter Bunny: Would it be good stuff…or crap?

     

    Want to avoid the inevitable disappointment of unsatisfying, subpar Easter candy? Check out our take on the 5 Best and Worst Easter Treats, which we’ll trot out each day as the holiday approaches…

    Worst Easter Candy Countdown, No. 2: Edible Easter Grass
    One Easter morning many years ago, not long after dawn, Gut Check encountered a neighborhood kid, a colorful basket in each hand, standing in the middle of the street, barking like a dog — a clear lesson of the dangers of too much sugar. We shudder to imagine the consequences had the lad been able to eat the grass in his baskets in addition to the jelly beans, Peeps and chocolate bunnies.

    When edible Easter grass hit the American market, Gut Check was intrigued. We’ve seldom met a sugary goody we didn’t like. Alas, edible Easter grass doesn’t even contain sugar. It’s sweetened with aspartame, perhaps so that the grass doesn’t become sticky in humid conditions. The other main ingredients are potato and corn starches.

    The resulting texture is like munching away at a foam carry-out container, and the bland, faintly sweet taste is equally disappointing. The vaguely green apple flavor quickly faded, and as we chewed and chewed and chewed, suddenly the realization hit us: Edible Easter grass tastes like a wad of communion hosts. While the paschal relevance of communion hosts to Easter morning is appropriate, Gut Check was brought up never to chew the host. Incidentally, edible Easter “confetti” has also recently saturated store shelves, usually placed next to or nearby edible Easter grass. In Gut Check’s experience, the confetti was as much of a taste letdown as the grass, and both present a less-than-responsible message to children: Hey kids, confetti is edible! From now on, you should view confetti as a treat, not a choking hazard.

    All in all, Gut Check will be sticking with traditional shredded plastic Easter grass, which has several important functions. First, it lessens the burden on parents’ wallets. Fill that basket with enough shredded plastic and little darlings might not notice that you shortchanged them in the candy department. Second, no kid will get high on plastic Easter grass. And finally, plastic Easter grass offers a delight found nowhere else — that moment next Easter when you find a year-old jelly bean nestled in the grass while dragging it out of the basement next year.

  • The Six Best Songs Over Thirty  Minutes Long

    The Six Best Songs Over Thirty Minutes Long

    Dorando Pietri, wishing Nike had commissioned workout music from LCD Soundsystem at the 1908 Olympics.

    “American Pie” is eight and a half minutes, “In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida” is seventeen. It is not uncommon for a prog track to reach twenty minutes, but it takes a certain breed to break the half-hour barrier. Below is a list of the six best songs over thirty minutes long. Feel free to interject your favorite long songs in the comments, but please keep it brief.

    6. The Vindictives – “In Pursuit Part II (Featuring Hypno-Punko Sound)”

    In Pursuit: Pt. II (Featuring “Hypno-Punko” Sound… For Experienced “Hypno-Punko” Users Only) by The Vindictives on Grooveshark

    Punk band the Vindictives made an ambitious record called Hypno-Punko in 1999, full of bizarre acapella tracks and songs that disappear before hitting the one minute mark. The highlight was “In Pursuit,” a speedy pop punk number borrowing chords from Pachabel’s “Canon in D” (or, if you prefer, “Basketcase” by Green Day). The tune ends with layers of vocal lines, each of which would make its own great hook individually. After the song tapers off, “In Pursuit Part II” enters, essentially a loop of the previous track’s great ending that plays for 44 minutes. It can be jarring, but it’s fascinating how hypnotic this actually is, the perfect score for zoning out while keeping your energy level at its max.

    5. LCD Soundsystem – “45:33”

    45:33 by LCD Soundsystem on Grooveshark

    James Murphy’s “work-out album” was commissioned by Nike to flow like an exercise routine. Warm ups, slow downs, jogging tempos, et cetera. Turns out that same pattern of intensity lends itself well to listening while not moving, perhaps while driving or staring at a computer. Most notably, a chunk towards the beginning of the track was rearranged and given lyrics for “Someone Great,” a standout of LCD Soundsystem’s Sound Of Silver. The corporate sponsorship could have added a level of discomfort (I’ve read horror stories of Lil Wayne’s recent on-stage Mountain Dew commercials at this year’s SXSW), but Murphy used the challenge as a stepping off point for awesomeness. Bravo.

    4. Orthrelm – “OV”

    OV by Orthrelm on Grooveshark

    Orthrelm guitarist Mick Barr shreds so quickly on “OV,” you worry he’s going to hurt himself. And actually, he did. The duo had to cancel dates on its tour performing the 33 minute composition due to flare-ups of Barr’s carpal tunnel. “OV” is brutally repetitious, an artsy track that loops 2 second segments of grind metal for minutes on end, and each riff change emerges like a new demon escaping the gates of hell. It’s not as much of a headache as it may sound. Each melody hangs out long enough for the listener to get comfortable in its shape, and the overall structure moves forward with subtle changes – drummer Josh Blair (also of dance band Supersystem) spends a good twenty minutes not touching a single cymbal. “OV” is easier on the ears than an album half its length by the Number 12 Looks Like You or Tony Danza Tapdance Extravaganza or whatever other grind metal band that fifteen year old girls inexplicably like. Just enter at your own risk.

  • Ask a Mexican: Why are Mexicans so damn funny?

    Dear Mexican: I’m so perplexed by my Mexican neighbor. For one, he already has four girls, and I just saw his wife — and looks like she’s pregnant again! What really bothers me is that I live in an affordable housing unit. The rent is cheap and based on our income. He has a new Ford F150 truck and his wife drives an older model BMW. Well, what bugs the hell out of me is that he digs in the apartment complex trashcans every freakin’ day. I live in a large complex where there are about six trash bins. Every morning, before he takes his girls to school, he digs in all of them for recyclables.

    I wonder if I’m just jealous, because he must make like $300 a week on all the stuff he recycles, but it really bugs me. If he’s so freakin’ poor and digging in the trash for an occupation, why must he still continue to bring more children into the world? The city I live in has a No Scavenging Law. I really want to report him, but I feel guilty. I feel like I should let him keep digging in the trash, since he has a family to feed. Also, I guess I’m nosey too, ’cause I wonder if they work? I don’t think they do, and I wonder if they’re abusing welfare? And I wonder how many freakin’ girls he’s going to have before he gives up his dream on having a son.

    OK, well, I hope you can help me with this issue. Am I evil? Should I care less? Help.
     Pocha Cabrona in Chino

    Dear Pocha: You’re not evil, chula: just pendeja. You — an assimilated Mexican-American — still have to live in affordable housing? So much for breaking the stereotypes of Mexicans as lazy peons. Meanwhile, that wab that bugs you so much is hustling, digging through garbage for a couple of extra bucks — it’s obviously working out good, since he’s living a better life than your floja ass. Who cares if he wants to have more kids? That’s his decision, not yours. Maybe you’d be better off in life if you picked through trash — but I’m sure you think that’s beneath you. Meanwhile, you’re wondering if your Mexican neighbor is on welfare when YOU are on the government queso. My immigrant parents, who always scrimped and saved and bought massive trucks and SUVs because no honorable hombre should ever leave home without one, never took a dime — that is beneath them, since that’s such an American thing to do. If ever there were a case for Mexicans to not allow their children to assimilate, you’d be the poster niña, pendeja.

    Dear Mexican: I got asked to participate in a Internet radio show where I, as an alleged (mostly by me) Mexican comedian, will be asked questions like, “Why are Mexicans so funny?” Since I’m as Mexican as a Del Taco stand, I defer to you for some insight and wisdom that I can share to the show’s four audience members.
    Tommy Milagro

    Dear Wab: Have you talked to our pocho cousins? A veritable Comstock lode of material for ridicule there!

    PREORDER TACO USA! Gentle cabrones: My much-promised Taco USA: How Mexican Food Conquered America, will finally hit bookstores April 10, but that doesn’t mean you can’t already order it (yes, grammar snobs: I just used a double-negative, but Mexican Spanish loves double-negatives the way we do cute second cousins). Place your order with your favorite local bookstore, your finer online retailers, your craftier piratas, but place it: my libro editor has already promised to deport me from the publishing industry if we don’t sell enough copies! And stay tuned for book signing info!

    Ask the Mexican at [email protected], be his fan on Facebook, follow him on Twitter @gustavoarellano or ask him a video question at youtube.com/askamexicano!

  • The Producers

    Tucked away in a small public park off North Warson Road in Olivette, Saints Roller Skating Center is an institution. For a quarter-century, it’s been attracting legions of mostly African-American skating aficionados from all over the St. Louis area. Constructed in the mid-’70s, when rollermania reached its apex, it’s a sprawling, barnlike one-story time capsule. With its lurid orange-and-yellow circus-theme décor, it could easily serve as a set for That ’70s Show.

    Within these charmingly anachronistic walls, future pop stars are groomed for world domination, and multimillion-dollar deals are struck.

    In addition to housing the area’s premier roller-skating rink (there’s not much competition, alas), Saints serves as the official headquarters of D2 Entertainment, a recording studio and music-publishing company helmed by 31-year-old identical twins David and Darren Stith. Amid the general din of skaters, the tinny screech of the video-arcade games, the brothers field calls from label executives, corporate honchos and expensive lawyers.

    While gaggles of little kids glide around the rink and stagger over to the concession stand for sodas and hotdogs, the Stith brothers are pacing around with their cell phones, making deals, scouting out talent, schmoozing with suits on both coasts. When Avery Lipman — president of Republic Records, a subsidiary of Universal — calls to discuss a six-figure marketing campaign for D2 artist Pretty Willie, the person who answers the phone might be the kid who rents out skates or the lady who handles the time cards and collects money at the door.

    “Record labels are in town looking for the next Nelly,” Dick Ford solemnly intones in a 9 p.m. news segment titled “Hip-Hop in the Lou.” “And they aren’t disappointed with what they’re finding.”

    The Fox News feature surveys hot talent on the St. Louis rap scene: There’s 12-year-old Meesha, a cute, cornrowed girl who’s just signed with Tony Davis of T-Luv, Nelly and the St. Lunatics’ management company. There’s Twan, whose single “Real Life” recently went into rotation on the local hip-hop stations, and Abyss, veterans of the circuit who reportedly just inked a deal with Atlantic. There’s Pretty Willie, whose debut CD, Enter the Life of Suella, is about to be released by the biggest label in the world, Universal Records.

    Ford and his mainstream-media ilk would have you believe the major labels are hovering over our city as we speak, ready to swoop down and pluck the next lucky superstar from our midst. It doesn’t work that way, but the star-is-born paradigm makes for better news bites than the complicated, unsexy truth. The fact is, stars are made, not born, and mostly it’s not the big-city executives who are making them. Out of the limelight, away from the TV cameras and the newspaper reporters, is a whole other tier of businessmen, unsung hustlers who scout out the talent, determine its potential on commercial radio, hammer out a business plan and wrap it all up into a tidy package for the consideration of the suits.

    Hustlers such as David and Darren Stith.


    Unlike many of the artists they represent, the Stith twins don’t go for the bling-bling. No flashy platinum-and-diamond pendants, no Rolexes, no designer-label tracksuits for these guys: They favor dark jeans, cotton sweatshirts, baseball caps. David wears small, rimless eyeglasses; Darren wears a plain gold wedding ring. They’re businessmen; they don’t have time to front.

    In photos, they’re near-doubles, the same small, regular features set in unlined round faces. In person, they’re easy to distinguish: David seems more intense, assertive; Darren is more laid-back. David, the elder by seven minutes, started the business and convinced his twin, who was in his second year of college, to drop out and join him.

    “David tied Darren’s shoes until they were about 5 years old,” recalls their mother, Almeda, with a chuckle. She’s proud of her boys — the youngest of seven children — but it still irks her that David didn’t go to college. In fact, he didn’t graduate from University City High School with his twin. Though David got his GED later, his father, Lloyd, who died three years ago, couldn’t accept his decision to leave high school and go to work for his older brother André, who owns Saints.

    “His father gave him many spankings,” Almeda sighs. “But we have to accept that all our kids don’t function the same way,” she says. “College is not for everybody. But as far as David goes, I think he’s done really well with the education he has. He’ll be a good businessman someday.”

    Chuck Atkins thinks the twins are good businessmen now. The operations manager at 100.3 The Beat, Atkins has been an important figure in D2’s business plan from the beginning. Before the twins bring an artist to a label, before they invest in expensive professional mastering, they play the best songs for Atkins and get his professional input.

    At first, Atkins recalls, the twins seemed shocked that he even agreed to meet with them. “I thought that was kind of flattering,” he says, laughing. “Most producers and artists, they want to come late in the afternoon. They say, ‘I really want you to hear my stuff,’ and I say, ‘How about 8 — I get started early,’ and they’ll say, “We’ll be there!” And I’m like, right. But David and Darren were right there, waiting in the lobby by 8 a.m.”

    In the first couple of meetings, Atkins told them bluntly that the stuff they’d brought in for him to hear would never get airplay. It just wasn’t up to the standards of the other music in rotation at the station, he explained — and, as a commercial radio station in a competitive urban market, they couldn’t afford to give local artists a break just because they were local. He explained what was wrong with the recordings, the performances, the songs themselves, and the Stiths got to work. By the third meeting, they had something good to bring him, a track by an unknown rap group from U. City called the St. Lunatics.

    That single, “Gimme What You Got,” would change their lives forever.


    David and Darren started out as musicians. Beginning at age 9, Darren took piano, and David studied guitar. Both took lessons at the CASA conservatory and began to write songs and perform live in various bands with their U. City High buddies, some of whom now work at D2 as producers. Back then, they all liked Prince and the Time, the slick, funky, keyboard-heavy dance music of the ’80s, the extravagant purple stage outfits. They dreamed of careers in the music business, but they weren’t sure how to make that happen.

    In 1992, David and Darren opened D2 Recording Studios in an empty suite of offices at Saints and began to shift their focus from performance to production. By 1994, they had decided to move into artist development, signing an R&B vocal quartet called Ol Skool. When singer Keith Sweat expressed an interest in signing the group to his Kia label, an imprint of Warner Bros., the brothers agreed to let the members of Ol Skool out of their contract — but, in a canny business move, they insisted on keeping the publishing rights, which ensured them a cut of future profits.

    Ol Skool sold 400,000 units worldwide before fading into oblivion. David and Darren didn’t get rich off the deal, but they learned an important lesson about the music industry, one that would serve them well a couple of years later, when they hooked up with the St. Lunatics: Get the publishing rights.

    “The Lunatics used to come into our studio to record,” Darren recalls. “We never really paid attention for, like, a year. They’d just come up to the studio and pay; they were real good customers.” He laughs ruefully at the memory.

    David and Darren began to pay closer attention to these customers when the Lunatics performed at a local showcase held by Jive Records. “The whole crowd was amped on them,” Darren marvels, his eyes wide and shining, “and we were, like, ‘Whoa! This is hot!’”

    After researching market practices and looking at other artists’ record contracts, they signed the Lunatics to a full publishing deal. Shortly after acquiring the contract, they worked with the group on a demo single, “Gimme What You Got,” which exploded on local radio and quickly sold 7,000 copies regionally. “It just took off!” Darren exclaims, still struck by the implausibility of it all. “First local act ever to go No. 1 and stay No. 1 for five or six consecutive weeks! And it was hard back then to get something played on commercial radio.”

    It didn’t happen overnight. First the twins had to train the Lunatics’ future producer, Jay E [Jason Epperson], creator of those irresistible bouncing beats, the so-called Midwest swing of Nelly’s breakthrough solo single, “Country Grammar (Hot S**t)” and the vast majority of tracks on both Nelly’s and the Lunatics’ CDs.

    Back then, though, Jay E was just a white kid from St. Charles County, a DJ who worked exclusively with turntables. An acquaintance of his who worked at the rink introduced him to the twins. “The thing that got me about Jay E,” Darren says, “Jay E would go into the studio and just work on scratches and stuff for eight or nine hours straight! I said, ‘Dude, you need to work on this sampler, start programming stuff!’ So I showed him how to go through all that, thinking to myself in the back of my head, ‘If I can get him to stay here eight hours and start creating songs …’”

    With the help of the twins and the other producers, Jay E eventually had the studio skills necessary to work with a group. Darren hooked him up with the St. Lunatics for a recording session that eventually culminated in “Gimme What You Got.”

    “They started working together,” Darren recalls, “and I was, like, ‘From now on, Jason’s gonna do all your stuff.’ You couldn’t stop the progress!”

    Most of the tracks from Nelly’s debut, Country Grammar, were recorded during these sessions, on D2’s equipment and with the help of D2’s producers, two of whom played keyboards and guitar on Nelly’s third big hit, “Ride Wit Me.”

    Over the next couple of years, the Stith brothers tried — and failed — to get a major-label deal for the Lunatics. They knew they had something big, but they couldn’t seem to make the major labels take notice, despite the regional success of “Gimme What You Got.” “I think why they said no at first was that we were from St. Louis,” Darren admits, “and they were scared to take a chance on something unknown.”

    The Lunatics were frustrated by their apparent inability to get a record deal and wanted out of their D2 contract. They were anxious to sign with Cooda Love, the former manager of Notorious B.I.G. and Mase and the founder of FoReel Entertainment. Love, who was based in New York, had a lot more pull in the industry than D2, the group reasoned — and they were right. Aware that a compromise was in order, the Stiths agreed to release the Lunatics from their contract — but, as with Ol Skool, they opted to retain a generous portion of the publishing rights.

    It was a wise decision. Country Grammar soared to the top of the charts; it still appears in the Billboard Top 200, nearly two years later. The CD has sold more than 8 million copies, making it the most successful album ever to be released by a St. Louis artist.

    Although D2 lost the group — and the credit for developing them — the money will keep rolling in for a while. “We came out pretty good on the publishing end,” Darren admits. Asked whether the royalty split constitutes a kind of finder’s fee, he laughs uncomfortably: “How am I going to explain this so it doesn’t come out — ” He stops midsentence and is silent for a moment. “I mean, we’ve had issues already.”

    “D2’s game is publishing,” he continues after another long pause. “We like to have the rights, do the deals when we go to labels. What happened with the Lunatics is that they wanted to do their own publishing deals and then kick back a percentage to us. So we went and struck a deal with Universal. They weren’t happy about it, but they did OK with the deal, too. Country Grammar was such a huge success — and you get those royalties for the rest of your life. If a record doesn’t hit and you do a million, 2 million copies, you’re gonna have to fight for what’s yours. But when you’re talking about 8 or 9 million records, well — if you get any significant amount of publishing on a deal like that, you can’t be mad at anybody for anything.”

    That said, the relationship between D2 and the St. Lunatics camp is decidedly chilly. No one speaks directly anymore, and the rumor is that the Lunatics think they got the shaft. Darren is philosophical. “When guys walk in here,” he says, absently stroking a keyboard in the recording studio, “they don’t have anything, they’re not doing anything, and you’re just spending your time with them. I don’t care if a person says, ‘I will never forget who I am; I’ll never forget where I came from’ — trust me, he will. We see it before it happens. So we’re fair about it — if you’re not, when you go to court and you’re there in front of a judge, you look like a monster who took advantage of someone, and you pay for that. We didn’t do that, and that’s why we ended up with such a wonderful deal with Universal.

    “And, like the lawyers say,” he continues, “you’re always gonna have problems with an artist if there’s any amount of success. There will always be renegotiations.”


    “Skaters are serious music listeners,” Darren explains, perched in a small Formica booth just outside the empty skating rink. “You get the real deal from them right away. If they’re skating and vibing to it, you know it’s hot, especially if it’s a new song they haven’t heard on the radio yet. And if they don’t like a song we’re playing, they’ll all pull out and go get drinks.”

    Once a month, the rink hosts a lock-in, a supervised slumber party for teenagers, who spend the night vibing to hot tracks, skating and dancing in the party room. If D2 has come up with a promising mix on one of its artists, the song goes right into the DJ’s rotation. Later, someone from D2 might pass around a survey form to gauge the kids’ reaction.

    While Darren explains the ins-and-outs of D2’s consumer-survey approach, David sits in the front office, patiently trying to download Pretty Willie’s first video, “Roll Wit Me.” He’s on speaker-phone with Scott Franklin of Partizan Video. “If I click on this QuickTime thing, will it automatically open?” he asks Franklin. “Something just came up. Do I click on ‘accept’?”

    In the last cut he viewed — back in LA, where the video was filmed — the Hummer that Pretty Willie is driving looked too fake in certain scenes, and David asked the director, Scott Palmer, to re-edit the film, make it look more realistic. He and Darren must approve this version before it’s released to BET and MTV, but it’s going to take at least two hours for the video to arrive over the Internet. In the meantime, the twins have a lunch appointment with their lawyer.

    “You drive,” David says to Darren, tossing him the keys to his Ford Expedition. “When we come back, hopefully it’ll be ready to watch.”


    A preternaturally self-confident young man with an immaculate pencil-thin goatee and lots of platinum-and-diamond jewelry, Pretty Willie is slouched on a folding chair in a back office that’s still under construction, just off the main studio. It’s early on a Friday evening, and he has to leave soon to see his cousin in a play. He looks smaller, more delicate in real life than in his video — when he’s not swaying and mugging and racing around in a yellow Hummer, surrounded by admiring models, he seems like any nice-looking, well-built 22-year-old from Berkeley.

    At a glance, you’d never know he was D2’s great hope, the artist everything is riding on right now, the one who will make or break D2’s reputation in the music industry.

    Pretty Willie (né Willie Moore Jr.) isn’t a bona fide star yet, but if anyone could get famous through sheer force of will, it might be him. He talks in a hurried drawl, one sentence tumbling from the next in a glib, semirehearsed spiel. He just returned from a radio showcase in Portland, Ore., with industry kingpin Master P, and he’s about to audition for a role in a cable movie about a blood feud among rappers. When he’s not promoting his new album or recording with his crew, Frontline, he’s juggling his stock portfolios, making investments in real estate, reading books about finances, hosting a radio show on The Beat. He’s hustling.

    Pretty Willie had known about D2 for years before signing anything, and he was aware of all the grumbling from the St. Lunatics camp. “Well, Nelly and them didn’t seem to care for [D2] too much,” he says cautiously. “But everything’s been all right for me so far. David and Darren are businessmen at the end of the day, so they’re gonna try to get what they can get. I’m a businessman myself — I know. If you handle your own business, there’s no way you can get done in. If you don’t pay for it now, you’ll pay for it later. I learned that early, and I’ve got one of the best lawyers in the country.

    “Of course we care about each other,” he continues, toying with the sparkling pendant that dangles to his waist. “But at the end of the day, it’s a business that we’re both trying to make money at. They let me in their studio for free because I had a dream and a hope. I didn’t have a major deal when I came here; all I had was a strong talent, and when somebody believes in your talent, lets you in their studio to record night after night instead of making you pay $500 an hour — well, you got to give them some love for that.”


    The critics scoff, but the little girls understand. So it has been in pop music, and so it shall remain: Pretty boys sell records. Nelly’s sold more than seven times the number of units the rest of his crew has sold, and although the reasons for this are surely numerous, the most important one is that he’s the cutest. Those perfect cheekbones, accented by the mysterious, ubiquitous tiny black Band-Aid! Those six-pack abs, those almond-shaped eyes! Such a stroke of genius, his recent collaboration with ‘N Sync on the Neptunes-produced hit “Girlfriend” — bubblegum aristocrats uniting in a biracial orgy of preteen-targeted bliss.

    It’s a song about girls, duh. Girls are desirable — a tried-and-true precept of pop music throughout the ages, not to mention a savvy marketing strategy. Every generation has to have its fave rave, its Ricky Nelson, its David or Sean Cassidy, its Michael Jackson, its Justin Timberlake. Are Nelly and Justin all that different, when it comes right down to it? “Girlfriend” says no. It’s the perfect fuck-all-y’all to those hard dudes out there who say Nelly’s gone soft, that he’s lost any semblance of street cred by hanging with a Disney-sanctioned boy band. Nelly doesn’t give a shit whether the thugs like him. Thugs don’t buy his records anyway.

    And Pretty Willie wasn’t named Pretty Willie for nothing. His debut is called Enter the Life of Suella — “Suella” being one of his nicknames. It’s an acronym for “suave usually educated luckily ladies ask,” a not-quite-grammatical — and unintentionally hilarious — phrase meant to underscore his appeal to the fairer sex.


    “Women dictate radio,” Alfonso Everett insists, “and radio dictates sales. Men don’t even count. Ain’t no men calling the radio stations, saying, ‘I wanna hear this or that.’ Women doing that. That’s who buys the records, the women. The guys just steal the CDs from girls.”

    Everett, who lives in Detroit, has been in the business since 1988. An early mentor to the twins, he inspired them to transform D2 from a simple pay-by-the-hour recording studio to a full-fledged entertainment company. Now, it seems, the tables have turned. Everett’s hoping to interest them in a business partnership, a joint effort to develop and market Janine, an R&B singer who used to be part of a duo called Fabu that Everett launched in the mid-’90s.

    Everett is riding in the back seat of Darren Stith’s SUV, on his way from the hotel to D2. He’s on a roll, holding forth on the state of the record industry, obviously pleased that a reporter’s in the car. A big, serious man with a basso profundo speaking voice, Everett expounds at length on the music business and how it conspires to keep guys like him down. Some of his arguments are convincing, a few are clearly full of shit, but Everett’s no dummy. He sees what D2 has achieved, and he’s trying to get in on the action.

    One of Everett’s pet theories is that New York and, to a lesser degree, LA have effectively sewn up the recording industry. He’s at a particular disadvantage, being from Detroit, a city he believes is blacklisted by the corporate overlords running the major labels from either coast. By promoting Janine from St. Louis, Everett hopes, they can get her in through the back door.

    “Detroit can compete with New York and LA,” Everett says emphatically. “St. Louis is a neutral market — it ain’t no threat. They ain’t worried about these people taking over the industry. And you’ve got more support for local artists here than in Detroit. Coming out, [Janine] has got a better chance here. D2, they got a vision. They got an opportunity, an avenue to break some groups here.”

    Asked later whether D2 will merge with Everett’s company, Darren is noncommittal. They’d like to work with Janine, see what happens after they run a few songs by the radio programmers. But their friendship with Everett probably won’t influence their decision. As David explains in another context, “The only consideration for us is, is it going to sell?”


    Occupying a row of windowless offices between Saints’ entrance and a cavernous playroom, D2’s recording studio is nothing elaborate. A worn loveseat and a couple of chairs fill one corner. Covering one wall are posters and press shots featuring Pretty Willie, the Lunatics, Out of Order and a bunch of people no one’s ever heard of, has-beens and never-wases. The rest of the space is devoted to recording equipment. It’s a decent setup — a 32-track Tascam soundboard, a couple of samplers, a computer loaded with editing software, a DAT recorder — but it’s hardly state-of-the-art. It’s a preproduction studio — a place to come up with rough mixes, not to put fancy fillips on a finished product. It’s a place to work.

    Early on a Wednesday afternoon, MoCapo is cutting a downtempo, feel-good hip-hop track called “Thug No More.” His producer and engineer — Roderick Smith, who goes by the nickname LS — looks a little tired; the 12- and 13-hour days are getting to him. At 21, MoCapo is a good 10 years younger than LS, and he bristles with youthful energy. While LS shuttles among the soundboard, the DAT recorder, the samplers and the computer, MoCapo grabs his notebook and hunkers down in an easy chair, trying to come up with another eight bars’ worth of lyrics.

    MoCapo — his real name is Chester Holland, he admits with a mortified grin — is a polite, friendly kid with a thick East Coast accent and permanent dimples. The twins flew the aspiring rapper in from his home in upstate New York after hearing a demo he sent them on the advice of a juiced-in industry acquaintance. D2 is putting him up at a nearby hotel, but he spends most of his time in the studio, writing lyrics, listening to playbacks and taking catnaps on the couch. Sometimes, when he’s feeling blocked, he’ll borrow some skates and take a spin around the rink, something he’d never done before visiting St. Louis. He’ll stay here about two weeks, during which time he’s expected to complete 15 to 20 songs.

    “This song we’re about to do is the only time I’ve used anything that I’d already written,” he explains. “I’ve always been adapted to rushing. It takes me about 20, 25 minutes to come up with a song, and we’re ready to fly.”

    He points to LS: “I credit these guys because they have to be able to make music that can move me in that way. If the track doesn’t move me, we have to try something different. But once the foundation is laid, it’s my job to go in there and do it.”

    A few minutes later, MoCapo returns to the sound booth and begins rapping over LS’s keyboard hook, a simulated Rhodes electric-piano riff that sounds as if it could have been lifted from the soundtrack to some ’70s blaxploitation flick.

    MoCapo spits out the rhymes, bobbing his head and waving his arms: “I used to be confused, consumed by rage/Idolizing hustlers when I saw money be made/Driving down the wrong track … I’ll never go back.”

    He stops. It’s not working. “When I come off the back of that ad-lib part, I gotta take a breath,” he calls out to LS. He tries it again, subtly adapting his delivery to fit the flow of the beats.

    While LS plays back what they have, MoCapo explains what he hopes to accomplish with the help of D2 — get an album’s worth of hot songs together, garner some regional airplay and then score a major-label deal.

    “As long as the quality product is there, you can’t lose,” MoCapo concludes. It sounds as if he’s recited this maxim many times before, hoping that it’s true.

    LS comes up with a harmony vocal for the chorus, singing along with the playback and idly strumming an acoustic guitar. MoCapo’s excited — he likes the way LS’s sweet, gospel-inflected harmonies augment the main hook — and he sings a contrapuntal melody under his breath. When LS emerges from the sound booth, blushing from the spontaneous applause, MoCapo goes back in and sings his countermelody.

    “We don’t have to thug no more, sell drugs no more,” he sings, indulging in some old-school R&B melisma. Although his rapping style is guttural and propulsive, his singing voice is surprisingly sweet and flexible, the product of a childhood spent in the church choir. “Once I got to high school,” he admits sheepishly, “I was, like, ‘I’m too cool to be in the choir!’”

    A half-hour elapses, and the two listen to the track in its entirety. MoCapo can’t quit beaming. “This is my favorite part, watching it all come together,” he says, marveling at how quickly they’ve created a song. “I walked in at 10 to 12, he made the beat at maybe a quarter after 12, and we just came up with the hook right when you came in. We’re gonna keep doing it, record every day, keep getting the concepts out and make good music.”

    Three weeks later, MoCapo’s back in New York. Asked whether any of the mixes were ready to be brought to Atkins or tested on the public, a producer groans and says, “Aww, please don’t even go there. He still hasn’t found his sweet spot.”

    D2 flies him back to St. Louis for another marathon recording session.


    D2 doesn’t have a payroll per se, and getting paid is a constant preoccupation for all the producers. The twins are musical matchmakers, setting artists up with producers, who help them create songs in exchange for a share of the royalties. Usually a producer gets between one-and-a-half and three points of the artist’s royalties; one point equals 1 percent of a CD’s suggested retail price, minus the marketing deductions that come off the top. “When you’re talking about a lot of sales,” explains D2’s entertainment lawyer, Dan Friedman, “you’re looking at a lot of money.”

    It’s a gamble: If an artist takes off, a producer can do very well. If an artist flops or doesn’t get signed at all, the producer probably won’t get paid.

    David and Darren are the executive producers at D2, but they don’t do much actual production work anymore. Most of their time these days is consumed by administrative duties, not fiddling with knobs and building tracks in the studio. The twins are talking to lawyers, negotiating contracts, scouting new talent and meeting with record-company executives and radio-station program directors while the other producers — “Big Al” Henry, LS and Willie Woods — work with the artists in the recording studio.

    Big Al holds the job title of co-executive producer. Like the twins, he spends a good part of his day taking care of business outside the studio. He still produces songs in the evenings sometimes, but lately he hasn’t been working with the artists as much. Less musical than the main producers, LS and Willie Woods, Big Al sees himself as more of a straight-ahead rap guy, able to program beats and evaluate performances but not as suited to the more melodic R&B-flavored songs the company’s been leaning toward of late.

    “Who produces has a lot to do with the artist,” Big Al explains. “In the beginning, Pretty Willie mostly worked with me. Then he kind of fell into the guitar-driven thing, and him and Willie Woods just vibed so well. I was, like, ‘These songs are hot. I’m not gonna disturb that!’ — because I’m a music fan myself; it takes a little unselfishness.”

    LS was a music major at Columbia College in Chicago. There he learned to use ProTools, an audio-editing software program, a skill that would stand him in good stead years later, when he moved into production and engineering. After college, he toured with Fontella Bass and even did a short stint with Michael Bolton. He spent some time in Atlanta, producing tracks for Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes of TLC and doing session work before moving back home to U. City.

    LS makes a living as a producer now, under contract to D2 but able to freelance at other studios during his downtime. These days, he’s grinding out the tracks at D2 and has little time for anything else. “Every time I see a band play in the clubs,” he says with a wistful smile, “I’m, like, ‘Wow, I wish I was up there.’ But I still play — if I’m in the middle of a project and we need a different feel on it, I might grab a guitar and bass and add that in there.”

    Willie Woods is a dark, heavyset guy with a soft, rumbling voice. His new club remix of “Roll Wit Me’ — a bit harder and more uptempo than the album track — blares through the studio’s big speakers. After being complimented on the cut, Woods breaks into a huge, shy grin. He’s proud of his work with Pretty Willie. If the album explodes the way everyone at D2 hopes, he’ll get much of the credit and the biggest share of the production royalties. Nicknamed “Hitmaker” by the twins, Woods is responsible for most of the music on Enter the Life of Suella. Pretty Willie, a trained pianist, co-wrote the music and came up with all the lyrics, but Woods delivered the actual goods, created the beats and the arrangements, the hooks and the textures.

    “It’s a totally clean record,” Woods says proudly. “That’s important to me personally. I want my music to be heard — don’t kill nobody on my record! I got kids. Whatever music I do, I want my kids to be able to listen to it.”

    Woods’ daughters, 7 and 8 years old, are, predictably, ardent Pretty Willie fans. “At first they just thought he was cute,” Woods chuckles. “What do they know about cute? Then they start hearing his stuff on the radio, and they’re, like, ‘Oooh, Dad! Pretty Willie’s on the phone! Tell him I said hi!’”

    Hanging in the studio is a promotional poster for “Roll W

  • “Please do whatever it takes to clean up the mess Irons has created and give future Vashon players something to be proud of: integrity.”

    Feature, November 9, 2006


    Long Live Dave Simon


    Long live Annie Zaleski!
    I have only read the online version of “Long Live Rock School” and can’t wait to get the paper copy, but I want to commend Annie Zaleski on her great article. I am Claire Holohan’s, mom and she absolutely captured the essence of the school and the truly wonderful qualities of Dave Simon.

    The article is just great, and demonstrates Annie’s depth of understanding. Thanks for taking the time and care.
    Faith Sandler, St. Louis


    Feature, November 2, 2006


    Balls


    Bad sport:
    Good article on something we always suspected of happening. Having a son who played against Floyd Irons’ team in 2005 and losing just adds to the disappointment of not advancing.

    An interesting point no one has mentioned: Irons would not shake the opposing team players’ hands after a game, for whatever reason. Although I don’t believe anyone would have beaten Poplar Bluff that year, it would have been fun advancing to the next level. I was very happy when they beat Vashon, and especially happy in how they did it.
    Mike Beryman, St. Charles


    At least he got his clock cleaned: Kristen Hinman did a great job reporting “Basketball by the Book.” I loved the article.

    Having been a basketball player myself and an avid fan, I have seen Irons coach. We saw his team play in Columbia at the state championships against Poplar Bluff. He was confident of winning and ordered boxes of state champs shirts. Poplar Bluff cleaned Vashon’s clocks. Irons was so rude and unsportsmanlike. He pulled his players off the court with minutes left on the clock and did not shake the winning coach’s hand. Gee, that is really showing class.

    Good job on [exposing] a phony-baloney snake in the grass.
    Pamela Kennedy, St. Louis


    Why pick on Vashon? Why now, may I ask? The witch hunt continues. I have never played basketball for Floyd Irons or attended Vashon, but I have many friends and acquaintances that who done the latter, and I have followed his career as a coach and mentor. It amazes me that people still have it out for Mr. Irons and the Vashon basketball program. We all know that there may be some violations within the program, but I’d be willing to bet that these are violations that almost every school with powerful sports programs violates in some form, such as Rich Grawer and Clayton High.

    The Wolverines have not been ordered by the Missouri State High School Activities Association to forfeit a single game. Is this their fault? What’s going on with MSHSAA?

    Why are we still picking on Vashon? Every local sports fan knows Vashon has built a dynasty. Vashon has been and still is the best sports team in St. Louis, not the Blues, Rams or Cardinals (though I congratulate them on the World Series). Now that it seems that Mr. Irons may be gone as a coach, schools like DeSmet, Vianney and Hazelwood Central just may have a chance to win a state title.
    Marvin Crummer, St. Louis


    Integrity is the name of the game: So where do we go from here? Thanks for Kristen Hinman’s research and hard work, but it won’t generate any change in the culture of Vashon unless the program is penalized seriously, like forfeiture of the state championships, fines and a year’s suspension from MSHSAA. From what you have found to be true, that’s the least that should happen.

    Let me comment on just a few more things concerning Coach Irons. I was on the board of MSHSAA for three years and represented the St. Louis area. When I shared some of the stories I heard from other coaches and administrators, I was told by MSHSAA that we didn’t have an investigative body, like the NCAA does, to monitor where players lived. Now, after I’ve retired, it appears they do have a committee. Unfortunately, as you reported, these infractions have been going on for at least eight years.

    Putting Irons and Demetrious Johnson in the same sentence also sends a strong message. Both do more to hurt race relations in St. Louis by their talk and actions than any I know.

    On the issue of recruiting, Irons didn’t have to personally recruit any player. The program’s success did that for him. And the comment from the mother — “Look, sometimes as a parent you got to do what you got to do for your kids” — that sets a great example for them. Next the kids will think it is all right to cheat on income taxes and do other dishonest things they somehow think they are “entitled to.”

    Think of the injustice to every other student athlete that has to compete with a program like Vashon’s. Is it fair for them to lose to a team year in and year out that uses ineligible players and suffers no consequences? Please do whatever it takes to clean up the mess Irons has created and give future Vashon players something to be proud of: integrity.
    L. Kreyling, Johns Island, South Carolina


    At long last — someone who “gets it”! I laughed as hard as anyone else when I read your cover story about Vashon cheating at basketball. You guys are really getting good at these spoofs, and I’m getting better at appreciating them. Your impersonation of Floyd Irons — you know, the made-up quotes — sounded exactly like him, just the way Mike Shannon did in your satire a couple of weeks ago.

    I admit it took a while for me to catch on last time. (A flashy downtown arts district? Frank Gehry? Of course it can’t happen here. Dawn breaks slowly over Marblehead!) Satire works so much better when you are invited to take it seriously and the subject means something to you. Some people around here might hold high school sports in such high regard that they would not see the wickedly brilliant humor in your fake exposé, but not me.

    Bravo and well done. Keep those barbed yuks up. Pretty soon you’ll have the number-one satire magazine in the whole city.
    James Dolan, St. Louis

  • Where You Should’ve Gone to High School

    Where You Should’ve Gone to High School

    Like residents of every city, St. Louisans have their quirks that must be explained to outsiders: their fondness for Provel cheese, for one, or their use of the word “hoosier” to mean anybody with three teeth, a pickup and a mullet instead of a person from Indiana.

    But the habit that seems to perplex newcomers the most is the eternal question, “So, where’d you go to high school?” Nobody’s entirely sure how the custom began, but it’s now a topic worthy of academic study: Sarah VanSlette, who once attended St. Joseph’s Academy but who is now a professor at Southern Illinois University Edwardsville, has received a grant from the Institute for Urban Research to study the experiences of newcomers to St. Louis, including whether the high school question is giving the region a bad reputation.

    A story that ran in the local daily last week about VanSlette and her research set loose a shitstorm of controversy. Defenders of The Question claimed that it’s just small talk and a way to identify common acquaintances, a useful tool in a town where everyone is separated by only one or two degrees.

    Others, however, saw in the The Question more sinister intentions. It’s all stereotyping, they carped. It’s just another way for people to judge you (as if they’re not already checking out your shoes or the make of your car)! And worst of all, if you’re a transplant, it singles you out and makes you an ideal target for shunning.

    Well, if that’s what you’re worried about, Riverfront Times is here to help! Just answer a few simple questions, and this handy-dandy flow chart will lead you to where you should’ve gone to high school if you didn’t, you know, go to high school somewhere else. We can’t promise you it’ll lead you to your own high school sweetheart or a group of friends that will be just as loyal as they would’ve been if you’d really known them since ninth grade, but hey — at least you’ll have a better idea of your people.

    A disclaimer: This chart is, of course, based on gross stereotypes, but isn’t that part of what the high school question is about?

    To see the flow chart and find out where you should’ve gone to high school, download the PDF here.

  • Ike Turner and Cocaine: A Devastating Dance

    Ike Turner and Cocaine: A Devastating Dance

    Last.fm

    Cocaine ended up sending Ike Turner to jail — and serving as a catalyst in his death.

    There’s a well-established struggle in Ike Turner’s musical legacy. Although he’s considered a rock and roll innovator, his musical accomplishments were sometimes overshadowed by his personal struggles.

    While Turner’s abusive behavior toward Tina Turner garners plenty of attention, another lingering demon — drug abuse — caught up with the former St. Louis resident 22 year ago. On February 16, 1990, Ike Turner was sentenced to four years in prison for a variety of cocaine-related offenses. He eventually was paroled before his entire sentence was completed.

    Back in the 1960s, according to Ebony magazine, Turner had a far different view of drugs and alcohol. The article states that Turner didn’t drink or use drugs for the early part of his career. He even fired members of the Kings of Rhythm that consumed either substance.

    But Turner’s attitude changed considerably. Ebony cites an excerpt of Turner’s autobiography stating how the musician was introduced to cocaine by “two well-known performers in Las Vegas, both now deceased.” Turner tried the drug while writing songs at his piano, and was soon purchasing “pure cocaine” from South America.

  • The trail of an international child-porn ring led to a tiny house in the woods outside St. Louis

    Tucked like a thumbprint inside a bend in the Meramec River, Miramiguoa Park is a remarkably secluded piece of real estate. Surrounded on three sides by the river, the sparsely populated — 127 residents at last count — 200-acre village guards its landward flank with the entirety of Meramec State Park, whose woodlands and bluffs stretch south and west through the Franklin County Ozarks. Only about 50 miles from downtown St. Louis as the crow flies, Miramiguoa is half again more distant to reach by car. To get there one must stay on Interstate 44 all the way to Sullivan, then exit and double back through five miles of state forestland. At winter’s dusk, the leafless trees on the hilltops cast jagged silhouettes against the pale sky, and you might catch a smoky whiff of recently chopped timber.

    You wouldn’t think so to look at it, but for a brief time in 2009, one little house in Miramiguoa was the focus of significant attention. Back then an incongruous sticker festooned a pane of glass in the front door: the goofy, good-natured visage of the cartoon canine Scooby-Doo.

    The man who rented the place wasn’t well known to neighbors. No one appeared to take much note of him or the young boy with whom he sometimes came and went.

    On the chilly afternoon of October 23, 2009, a team of five state and federal law-enforcement agents drove into Miramiguoa Park and took up positions that offered clear views of the cottage. Two more officers parked up the road, just outside the village. For several weeks the lawmen had been looking into a tip from the Los Angeles Division of the Federal Bureau of Investigation.

    Now they were waiting for the man inside the house to come out.


    Thirty-eight-year-old Brian Mize is a bona fide, card-carrying computer geek.

    A St. Louis-based forensic investigator who serves as a special federal officer with the FBI’s cybercrime squad, Mize also finds time to teach Internet-investigation techniques at the St. Louis County Police Academy (and, on the bureau’s behalf, around the world) and attend local and national hacker conferences undercover.

    One of Mize’s investigative specialties is child pornography. His résumé dates back to the VHS days and includes the infamous Michael Devlin case, wherein a suburban pizza-parlor manager kidnapped a rural Missouri boy whom he held hostage and molested for four years. (That ordeal ended in 2007, when agents investigating a recent abduction apprehended Devlin and were shocked to find not only the boy they were looking for but also the victim who’d been missing since 2003 and had been all but given up for dead.) Mize often educates parents and teachers about how much easier child molestation has become in the digital era, when so many young children are equipped with smartphones.

    The nonprofit National Center for Missing & Exploited Children reports that it received 17.3 million pornographic images and videos last year through its Victim Identification Program — twice as many as the program amassed in 2008.

    “It’s no longer a six-foot cord attached to the wall. Bad guys have unprecedented access to communication with kids, and it’s made things more dangerous,” Mize imparts, sitting at a desk in his office in Clayton, surrounded by the electronic tools of his trade.

    Beneath his desk is a behemothic computer that would dwarf a typical workstation. Known as FRED, an acronym for “Forensic Recovery of Evidence Device,” the hunk of hardware is designed to create bit-for-bit copies of each piece of electronic evidence investigators seize in a case and to facilitate the process of decrypting data that has been rendered unreadable and password-protected.

    FRED’s capabilities — and Mize’s — were put to the test in the fall of 2009, after an FBI colleague called to summon him to a house in the backwoods of southern Franklin County.


    A year earlier, in October 2008, FBI agents in Los Angeles got a tip from the bureau’s legal attaché in Copenhagen indicating that two men, Harout Hagop Sarafian of North Hollywood and Woodrow Tracy of Sun Valley, had traveled to Romania the previous year in order to have sex with young boys.

    After obtaining federal warrants, LA’s Sexual Assault and Felony Enforcement Team, a task force comprising federal prosecutors and law-enforcement officers at the local, state and federal level — arrested both men and seized computer equipment that turned out to contain an abundance of child pornography.

    Both Sarafian and Tracy eventually confessed to investigators that they belonged to a group that called itself “Lost Boy,” an international network of pedophiles who exchanged copious quantities of child pornography, including photos and videos depicting men sexually molesting young boys. Lost Boy operated a password-protected online forum that allowed members to post digital images and discuss each other’s contributions; the group also made use of a popular file-sharing site, alerting fellow members by posting samples on the Lost Boy forum along with links to the downloadable files.

    Though the investigators regularly trolled the Web for clues that might lead to active child-porn message boards, this was the first they’d heard of Lost Boy.

    For the task force, the learning curve was both steep and swift. Tracy provided his screen name and password, and under the guise of their informant, the investigators were able to build a profile of the group: about three dozen members on four continents, who identified themselves as “boylovers” and posted under aliases including “Bobo,” “Undy12” and “Harry Potter.”

    Court documents, including a 45-page federal grand jury indictment filed in September 2009 and a 41-page sworn affidavit from an Ohio FBI agent, itemize a vast array of pornographic images involving young boys, described in numbing clinical detail: “[O]ne image depicts a nude, prepubescent boy kneeling on a bed with his buttocks in the air exposing his anus, scrotum, and penis. There is semen on his buttocks.” Another image “depicts the face of a prepubescent boy bent over a bed and facing down. Behind him, a post-pubescent male appears to be engaging in anal sex with the boy, while holding a revolver pointed at the boy’s buttocks.” A series of seven images “depict a minor boy, approximately 12 -13 years old, with a baseball bat inserted in the boy’s anus. Two of the images depict what appears to be the same boy, with a Crayola marker inserted in his anus. In the message, [Lost Boy member] mr bean wrote ‘almost baseball season…’.”

    Most of the boys in the photos were between seven and twelve years old. One had Down syndrome.

    Click here to read the indictment.

    Among the videos the LA task force found were several that featured an identical opening sequence: an image swirling into focus to reveal the iconic Hanna-Barbera cartoon Great Dane Scooby-Doo, accompanied by the tag line “Scooby-Doo Productions.” The agents would discover that Scooby-Doo videos had cropped up in child-porn investigations nationwide, but no one had been able to trace the videos back to their source.

    In its efforts to evade detection, the group resembled an exclusive country club. A prospective Lost Boy had to be nominated by an existing member, and in order to remain in good standing, all members were required to upload new images on a regular basis; a prolonged stretch of inactivity was taken as a sign that authorities had hijacked a member’s account.

    Court documents indicate that members believed they were immune to detection.
    “[S]ome Latin boys for your enjoyment,” wrote one. “Have fun and watch out for sticky keyboards, lol,” posted another. “That top boy is super hot,” one man commented on a fellow member’s recent contribution.

    In another exchange, a member expressed his distaste for “Asian boys or darker,” writing, “If I had one in my arms, they would just be like tissue paper. Use and then throw away.”

    Responded a fellow commenter: “yeesh why throw them away when you know that me and [Lost Boy member] flipper will gladly take them? [emoticon]”

    Offered a subsequent commenter on the same thread: “hey! i am attracted to tissue paper so i don’t appreciate your comments. i like the rolled up kind that most people call toilet paper. i saw a roll at the grocery store the other day that looked good to me. it was 100% recycled roll so it wasx [sic] slightly darker than the rest. that turned me on. it was really soft and smooth and had a good personality. i paid a man so I could take it home with me. we played, Xbox, watched some Adam Sandler movies, and then had sweaty sex on the floor. the next day we went into town and i bought it a skateboard.”

    The 2009 Los Angeles indictment named twelve alleged Lost Boy members and charged them with operating a child-exploitation enterprise; conspiracy to advertise, transport, receive, distribute, solicit, and posses child pornography; and transportation of child pornography.

    But the task force was left with more questions than answers. They had uncovered a mother lode of child porn and rooted out a diverse crew of pedophiles who got their kicks from viewing and sharing it.

    But who was producing the material? Who were the men depicted in the photos and the videos, committing seemingly countless acts of molestation?

    Who — and where — were the children?


    Carrie Costantin’s office on the 21st floor of the Thomas F. Eagleton Federal Courthouse faces north, affording the federal prosecutor an enviable view of downtown St. Louis’ Gateway Mall. At 50, the veteran assistant U.S. attorney, who grew up in University City and studied law at the University of Chicago, is slightly built, slim and easygoing, blessed with a streak of spontaneous understated humor that belies the dark nature of her specialization.

    During her eleven years trying cases for the Eastern District of Missouri, Costantin has prosecuted hundreds of child molesters. In 2006 she was tapped as the regional coordinator for the U.S. Department of Justice’s new Project Safe Childhood program, a national initiative to combat the sexual exploitation of minors. (She stepped down last year in order to assume a new role as supervisor of the district’s White Collar Crime Unit.) It’s not inconceivable that Costantin has tried more child-pornography cases than anyone else in the nation.

    In the twelve months ending in September 2010, the Eastern District of Missouri took on 84 child-exploitation cases — more than any other judicial district in the United States. In each of the two years preceding, the office ranked second.

    In September 2009 Costantin received a call from federal agents in St. Louis, indicating that a Los Angeles investigation into an Internet-based network of child-porn aficionados had turned up a possible connection to the St. Louis metropolitan area.

    A pedophile living abroad had told the LA investigators that a man who went by the screen name “Muddyfeet” was producing copious quantities of child pornography in Missouri. “Muddyfeet” also came up during the questioning of a Lost Boy suspect who attributed a large set of pornographic stills of young boys to a photographer who operated under that alias. A third clue, an archived chat-room exchange between a Lost Boy member and an outside acquaintance who went by the screen name Muddyfeet that was found on a computer the LA team seized as evidence, brought the picture into better focus: The file included an e-mail address, which the agents were able to trace to Franklin County and a man named Jeffrey Greenwell.

    Though the information was tantalizing, Costantin knew better than to be optimistic. It would be difficult, she knew, to secure a search warrant, let alone prosecute anybody, with nothing to go on but an Internet alias, two addresses, a possible name and a handful of photos of unidentified boys being molested.

    “In order to get a search warrant, we needed to identify a child,’” Costantin explains.

    At the same time, she was fully cognizant of the urgency involved. Her LA counterparts were pursuing an ongoing child-porn enterprise and had good reason to presume that some of the men involved were actively molesting children. As Michael Osborn, the FBI agent who heads up the SAFE task force in LA, notes, “We knew there were hands-on victims out there that we had to ID as quickly as possible. We didn’t have a six-month luxury. Every day counted.”

    The FBI assigned a St. Louis-based agent to track down the lead. For local assistance, the bureau turned to the Franklin County Sheriff’s Department.

    Lieutenant Chuck Subke, who runs the county sheriff’s detective division, began by visiting the two addresses linked to Greenwell. One was vacant. The other, about the size of a single-wide mobile home, was tucked at the back end of Meramec State Park, a few hundred yards from the river.

    Subke traced the license plates on the two cars he saw parked in front of the little house. Both were registered in Greenwell’s name. It appeared he was living there alone.

    Next Subke and the FBI agent visited several Franklin County elementary schools, where they asked each principal to go through the handful of photos of fully clothed boys they’d received from LA in search of familiar faces. On October 22, 2009, two weeks into a fruitless fishing expedition, they got their first nibble when a principal pointed out one of the boys in his school’s hallway — a fourth grader.

    The lawmen contacted the boy’s mother, then flew in an FBI investigator from Detroit who specialized in questioning children and adolescents. The investigator, Catherine S. Connell, had spent the past year flying around the nation, interviewing the majority of the victims who’d emerged from the Lost Boy probe.

    Speaking with children about molestation is tricky, as most infamously evidenced in the 1980s, by the McMartin Preschool case in California. That fiasco, which cost the U.S. government $15 million and jailed an innocent man for five years, was brought on by false testimony, embellished to the point of absurdity, that a therapist elicited from hundreds of children.

    You don’t set out to upset the children you interview, Connell explains, but you don’t want them to suppress memories that by their nature are upsetting. Nor do you want to put words in their mouths. “You talk about the truth, and you test whether they can tell the difference between a truth and a lie.”

    Connell says that when broaching potentially traumatizing subjects with kids, she’s careful to be both reassuring and skeptical.

    “I try to reduce suggestibility and authority,” she says, describing a technique based on guidelines adopted by the state of Michigan designed to prevent kids from fabricating stories. “The difference between what we do and what other investigators do is that we go in unbiased, seeking to test the hypothesis rather than confirm it. We use phrases like, ‘If you don’t know the answer, then tell me you don’t know it.’”

    While the St. Louis-based FBI agent watched a live video feed in a room nearby, Connell sat down one-on-one with the fourth grader. As soon as the boy told her that Jeffrey Greenwell had fondled his genitals and photographed the experience, the FBI agent phoned Subke.

    “I said, ‘I got it, Chuck, let’s go,’” he recalls. (The agent consented to an on-the-record interview for this story on the condition that Riverfront Times not reveal his identity. The FBI’s St. Louis division declined to share any details about the Greenwell case that might identify any of the victims or jeopardize future investigations.)

    Subke, who had prepared for this eventuality by readying a search warrant, led his team into the woods.

    The FBI agent also alerted Brian Mize, asking the decryption specialist to drive down from Clayton to lend his expertise in collecting evidence.

    A mere 24 hours after the school principal pointed out the fourth grader, federal agents and Franklin County detectives reached Miramiguoa Park. When they saw Greenwell, a baldheaded man with a close-cropped beard, exit his house and drive away, the search team went in.

    The Scooby-Doo sticker on the door was merely a preview of what they would find inside.

    “The whole place was littered with Scooby-Doo,” Mize recounts, enumerating the highlights: a Scooby-Doo bedspread, a life-size Scooby-Doo blowup doll and numerous Scooby-Doo figurines.

    There was also a small dog in a crate in the living room, happily wagging its tail. The dog’s name, recalls Subke, was “Scrappy.”


    What with the square jaw and short-cropped hair, Brian Mize’s appearance practically screams cop. In fact, the computer forensics whiz is a detective on the Chesterfield police force in west St. Louis County. But when he talks about crime-scene analysis, Mize sounds more like a physician, which is what he aimed to be back when he majored in biology. Then he fell in love with law enforcement.

    “We’re crime-scene technicians, and our magnifying glass is software, which lets us look for clues,” Mize sums up.

    Mize belongs to the Regional Computer Crimes Education and Enforcement Group, a task force launched in 2002 in order to team the FBI’s area cybercrime squad with its counterparts from the U.S. Secret Service and local law-enforcement agencies. Working as a unit, the group provides technical forensic support to fight computer crimes throughout Missouri, including those related to child abuse.

    The FBI seized two computers from Greenwell’s cottage, along with multiple external storage drives, two digital cameras and a Sony Handycam video camera, as well as a cache of DVDs and CDs the agents found locked in a safe. (Greenwell’s landlord would later find a third digital camera, wrapped in clothing, while clearing out his former tenant’s bureau drawers.)

    Mize quickly saw that Greenwell had encrypted the hard drive on his main PC. After working his way past the suspect’s safeguards, Mize would find 15,000 still images of child pornography. Some of the photos included Greenwell or other men in the frame, engaging in sex with the boys.

    Many of the photos were composed so as not to reveal faces. In order to identify victims, Mize searched for reappearing details — a birthmark or scar, or a specific pair of pajamas, for example — and began the painstaking process of sorting and grouping the images. If he noticed a discarded article of children’s clothing in the background of one photo and then spotted it being worn by a boy in another, he’d group the photos together.

    In this fashion, Mize was able to create a file for each suspected victim. These he named “1 Series,” “2 Series” and so on. For each series, he created a “sanitized” non-pornographic image that showed the boy’s face and any distinctive physical features that might aid in identification. The work took weeks. When he was finished, Mize believed he had found at least five victims whom Greenwell had molested — and perhaps as many as ten.

    Investigators were subsequently able to determine that Greenwell had been molesting and photographing his victims since at least 2003. Most of the photos were taken in whatever home Greenwell was renting at the time, though some were shot during excursions to other towns and tourist attractions.


    Investigators in Los Angeles found that one area of the Lost Boy forum was conceived as a work in progress, an ever-growing handbook of tips on how to coerce boys into a trusting relationship, a process often referred to as “grooming.” Every Lost Boy member was expected to contribute to the handbook, which contained suggestions that include targeting children from broken homes or impoverished conditions and going after the sons of drug abusers. One member reported that “introverted boys from Latin America’s poor broken homes (street kids) are the easies to handled [sic] and for cost per boy ratio they are the cheapest.”

    Elsewhere the handbook advised plying boys with drugs, alcohol and sleeping pills in order to lower their inhibitions and suggested molesting them while they’re unconscious. Another section offered advice on ways to move on from victims who’ve outgrown their allure.

    At the sheriff’s office in Union, the Franklin County seat, Chuck Subke slides a red binder across a conference-room table. A sticker on the cover reads: Sensitive information enclosed. Not for public release. Law-enforcement eyes only.

    Inside is a 175-page document, entitled, “How to practice child love. Child love explained by professionals.” Subke and the St. Louis FBI agent say the handbook is much like the one on the Lost Boy forum, covering everything from “risks involved” and “when to start/what age” to “exploring the child’s genitals” and “making love for the first time.” This particular version contains a section called “Our Latest Project: How to kidnap children.”

    Observes the FBI agent: “It’s basically Wikipedia for predators.”

    The St. Louis investigators point out one section that has particular relevance to the Greenwell case.

    Its title: “Single parents and moms with kids.”

    “Unfortunately not all of us are blessed with children in our lives, as in having our own children, or children in the family,” the chapter begins. “But do not worry, that is not a show stopper.”

    The handbook suggests advertising for dates on websites and in newspapers and limiting one’s search to single mothers looking for long-term relationships. “The usual guy does not really like single moms with a lot of kids running around,” the book states. “So these moms are therefore suffering from the lack of men, love and self-confidence.” Readers are encouraged to emphasize a mom’s “inner values” during courtship.

    “We want to apologize in advance for this statement,” the writer warns. “The uglier and fatter the moms, the easier it will be for you to get into that family.”

    (Forensic computer analyst Brian Mize notes that pedophiles increasingly are connecting with their young prey via interest-specific websites, such as a youth soccer team’s home page. Sometimes, Mize says, predators adjust their Facebook profiles to match the interests of the kid they’re targeting. The near-ubiquity of smartphones facilitates communication out of range of parents’ prying eyes and ensures that video capability is a mere touchscreen away.)

    FBI investigators say Jeffrey Greenwell relied on a consistent method to seduce boys: In nearly every instance, he sought out single mothers on online dating websites. He would romance a woman and spoil her son, lavishing the boy with attention and gifts. After a time he’d move the relationship to a more intimate level, taking the boy on trips to Six Flags or babysitting him and, finally, sexually molesting him.

    “You’re talking about the best predators ever,” the federal agent from St. Louis says. “Greenwell was very smooth-talking. He dressed normally. He wooed the heck out of the mothers. This wasn’t ‘the guy in the ice cream truck.’”

    The agent points to a flow chart the investigators created to diagram Greenwell’s various connections to molestation victims and their parents, as well as two suspected fellow pedophiles. He gestures to photos of four mothers and ticks off Greenwell’s tie to each: “boyfriend, boyfriend, babysitter, coworker.”


    Subke and his partner from the FBI questioned their quarry at the sheriff’s office on the evening of his arrest.

    Subke began by offering Greenwell, 37 years old at the time, a soda. After reading him his rights, the investigators explained that there had been some allegations made against him. At first the conversation skewed toward small talk. A Riverfront Times request for a transcript of the interrogation under the federal Freedom of Information Act was denied by the Records Management Division in Winchester, Virginia, because the investigation into Lost Boy is ongoing. But Subke and the St. Louis-based federal agent consented to describe the interview.

    “Mr. Greenwell, what kinds of hobbies are you into?” asked the detectives.

    Scooby Doo, SpongeBob and playing Xbox, the suspect replied.

    “What’s your type, Mr. Greenwell? Guys or girls?”

    Guys, the man answered. Young males, specifically — around eight to twelve years old. “But I don’t like hardcore sex images,” he asserted. “Society doesn’t look too kindly upon adult males who like young boys.”

    “Let’s talk about child porn,” the interrogators suggested a little later.

    “They’re boring,” the suspect replied. His computer skills, he added in response to another question, were “beginner to low-intermediate.” He said he had encrypted the contents of his hard drive “because of personal information.”

    The FBI agent asked about a framed photo of a boy he’d seen on a wall in Greenwell’s home: It appeared to be a formal school portrait. Greenwell explained that it was an old photo of a boy he’d been a father figure to.

    After a while the investigators brought up the fourth grader who had described how Greenwell had sexually molested him. Eventually Greenwell admitted that he had fondled the boy’s penis and photographed the experience.

    But Greenwell didn’t stop there.

    Mindful of Greenwell’s penchant for Scooby-Doo merchandise, the interrogators broached the topic in the hope that he might be familiar with the “Scooby-Doo Productions” material that LA investigators had turned up on Lost Boy. But instead of referencing those videos, Greenwell described a pornographic video a friend had sent to him — and also a non-pornographic video he had made, which featured the son of a coworker playing in a park.

    “We didn’t know what the hell he was talking about,” says the FBI agent. “So we played off of it.”

    “Yeah, tell us about those other videos,” the agent prompted.

    At that Greenwell abruptly opened up.

    He admitted incorporating Scooby-Doo imagery into the home movie he’d shot in the park, featuring a boy he knew. He began spouting “computer lingo,” as the agent puts it — saying he’d used the Sony Vegas software to tag three other videos with his “Scooby-Doo Productions” imprimatur. He hadn’t shot those videos, he said; they’d been sent to him by acquaintances. He said he’d blurred background details so as not to reveal where the videos had been shot.

    “Everyone knew him as ‘the computer guy,’” the federal agent notes in retrospect. “If there was something in the background that identified someone, he would take care of it.”

    The detectives asked Greenwell who’d sent him the videos. One man was from New Hampshire, he said; another, who went by the screen name “SpongeBob,” was from Utah.

    The investigators could hardly believe what they were hearing.

    “LA was hot after ‘SpongeBob,’” the FBI agent explains. When Greenwell offered up the man’s name, Antonio Cardenas, “We immediately call LA, and Salt Lake starts their investigation full-bore.”

    Greenwell kept talking.

    He admitted that the framed photo on his wall was of a boy he’d molested, and he told Subke and the agent where the boy’s mother lived. He admitted he was “Muddyfeet.” He admitted to operating a child-porn message board of his own, called “aLL bois.” He identified by name all of the boys in photos that had been sent from Los Angeles. He coughed up the screen names of ten additional fellow porn traders.

    After three and a half hours of questioning, minus a few breaks for cigarettes, Greenwell finally wound down.

    The next day Subke and his partner from the FBI set out to find the boy in the framed photograph.


    As he catalogued the contents of Greenwell’s porn cache, Brian Mize considered how to identify the men in the photos. Part of the solution lay in the DVDs Greenwell had stashed in his safe.

    Though Mize encountered pornographic examples of Greenwell’s Scooby-Doo Productions handiwork, the DVDs in the safe contained no sexually explicit content but instead depicted scenes from trips Greenwell took with other men and small groups of boys. Destinations included nearby attractions Six Flags and Jellystone Park, as well as towns in Arkansas and Illinois. The footage was outwardly innocuous, though every now and then the banter betrayed the men’s forbidden proclivities. Mize viewed the travelogues over and over again for four straight days, searching for clues.

    Eventually he found one.

    During a road trip to Arkansas, one of Greenwell’s adult traveling companions pointed out various landmarks, leading Mize to conclude that the man must live in that state. After watching for hours, the cyber-sleuth heard Greenwell address the man by name: Evan.

    Mize had Greenwell’s cell phone, and when he checked it, he discovered a match — a man named Evan Batton, who turned out to be a youth pastor at a Baptist church near the town of Dardanelle, off Interstate 40 about 80 miles northwest of Little Rock.

    Just as he had with Greenwell, Mize constructed a photo series for each boy he suspected was one of Batton’s victims. He sanitized one photo for each series and sent the package to his colleagues in Arkansas. Batton was later arrested and convicted for raping a seven-year-old.

    In the end Mize discovered two more names through video analysis and repeated his cataloguing process twice more, preparing a package for agents in another Midwestern state and one in New England. By the time investigators located the New England suspect, the man had committed suicide; the Midwestern suspect remains at large.

    Meanwhile, in December 2010 the U.S. Department of Justice announced that its investigation had dismantled the Lost Boy network. Federal authorities in LA had indicted nineteen defendants on charges of running a child-exploitation enterprise. Two were charged with production of child pornography. (To date, fifteen have been convicted, including Harout Sarafian and Woodrow Tracy. One died in custody; three remain at large. Only one defendant has been sentenced; an FBI spokeswoman in LA declines to reveal whether Sarafian and Tracy were promised leniency in exchange for providing information, saying only that “it’s fair, as a general statement, to say that cooperation is among multiple variables that factor into a sentence for a given defendant.”) Fourteen Lost Boy members living in foreign countries were indicted in absentia.

    All told, the authorities identified 200 victims.

    “You can’t overstate the significance of rescuing more than 200 kids worldwide, so it was obviously a good day,” says the FBI’s Michael Osborn, the special agent who supervises LA’s SAFE task force. His team, Osborn says, watched long-term victims “basically growing up in front of our eyes” as they gathered photographic evidence.

    The Lost Boy investigation produced twenty spinoff investigations. Officials in Los Angeles say the Greenwell and SpongeBob cases were the most significant among them. (To read more about the various investigation

  • Pitch Sessions: A look back at the wild and wacky local TV ads of yesteryear.

    Schweig Engel: Dying for Deals

    Explaining an old Schweig Engel television commercial is like describing an LSD bender, given that it involved (1) home furnishings, (2) extreme slapstick violence, and (3) absolutely no finance charges.

    During the 1980s and ’90s, Schweig Engel, a.k.a. “The King of Credit,” self-produced ads of such hysteria and surrealism, they approached the avant-garde. While the goal never altered — they aimed to unload TVs, appliances, furniture and jewelry — their strategies varied wildly. Employees appearing in the spots sliced each other’s heads off. One manager exploded. Another was gobbled up by a dinosaur. Another donned a giant turkey costume and got chased by a pilgrim wielding an ax. All three pranced in Santa Claus garb. It was impossible to not watch these things.

    Click here to watch the slapstick-violence masterpieces, or here to watch the spoofs.

    Schweig Engel shuttered its doors for good in 2004. But within a few years, the TV spots began to resurface on YouTube, warming the hearts of commenters who remembered them.

    The videos also caught the attention of Nick Corirossi, a writer and director for Funny or Die, the popular website owned by Will Ferrell and AdamMcKay (creators of Anchorman and Talladega Nights).

    One of Corirossi’s friends from St. Louis recommended the YouTube videos. So he watched them.

    “They were literally the funniest fucking commercials I’d ever seen,” he says.

    Now, Corirossi and his colleagues are arranging to fly members of team Schweig Engel to Los Angeles in January to write, shoot and star in ads for Funny or Die. “The whole thing is tentative,” Corirossi says. “Will Ferrell knows nothing about any of this. But it’s become a passion project for the staff here. We have to make it happen. I will make it happen.”


    Mike Stein was just a 28-year-old white kid with a squeaky voice when he left Florida in 1981 and arrived in St. Louis. His mission: manage the original Schweig Engel store at Delmar Boulevard and Kingshighway.

    Stein’s grandfather, Sam Singer, had been one of its first employees after it opened in 1919. He bought the store in 1938. It had begun as a photography shop, but by the time Stein showed up in the early ’80s, the inventory had switched to TVs and appliances. The neighborhood had changed, too, from white and affluent and to primarily black and lower-middle class.

    “We could have moved out to west county,” Stein says. “But I didn’t want to compete against big-box stores. And at that time, finance companies didn’t want to lend to black people. That gave us a great opportunity.”

    Schweig Engel did charge high interest rates — sometimes, the highest allowed by state law. But they were not, they emphasized, a rent-to-own firm. They targeted customers who had bad credit but held good jobs. If those patrons made all their payments on time, they earned a rebate after the final payment. Meanwhile, their diligence was reported to the credit bureau.

    In 1983 the company moved to Union Boulevard and Natural Bridge Avenue. Stein trained his attention on advertising. Print ads had flopped. Stein’s conventional TV ads didn’t jolt the masses, either. So Stein joined forces with his colleague, Warren Lewis, a man with an offensive lineman’s build who’d worked his way up from company janitor to head of the furniture department.

    Their first zany commercial: “Schweig Engel Vice,” a crude takeoff of Miami Vice. Clad in a white blazer à la Don Johnson, Stein sucked on a cigarette and said, “We’re gonna take these rental places out of action and give credit to you!” Then he and Lewis whipped out big assault weapons and fired off-screen at…no one in particular.

    “It went off the charts,” Stein recalls. “We had to pull the ad off the air. We were growing too fast.”

    A lanky and quick-witted salesman named John North came up with the next spot: A man visiting a rent-to-own shop has to rip off his own arm and leg to pay the high rates.

    The trio even ventured outside the TV studio to shoot on location.

    “We actually did one by the zoo in Tarzan suits,” Lewis recalls. “We almost got poison ivy hiding in the trees. I actually had a loincloth on. It was wild.”


    The Schweig Engel boys were by no means the area’s first wacky pitchmen. Others also left an indelible mark on the psyche of St. Louis couch potatoes. The first was Steve Mizerany and his roller-skating Decent Boys from the New Deal appliance store near the Bevo Mill.

    Uncle Leonard, a diminutive salesman in a skipper’s cap, buddied up to Cardinals players to hawk electronics from his north St. Louis shop. The folks at Home Furniture in Collinsville, Illinois, dressed up in a gorilla suit and promised customers “no monkey business” at their store.

    Stein and his colleagues weren’t even the first to take advantage of the green screen, either. The Slyman Brothers used the technology in the early 1970s to superimpose themselves sitting atop the Arch and waving down at viewers. Becky “Queen of Carpet” and Wanda “Princess of Tile” used the green screen to float above downtown on an enchanted rug.

    But it was Schweig Engel who took the green screen and ran with it like ADHD kids in a Pixy Stix factory. In one ad, Mr. T (John North) grew enraged that Lewis and Stein didn’t have any Schweig Engel jewelry. So he tossed them three stories up against a brick wall. In the spot called “Jurassic Credit,” Lewis and Stein rode bareback on dinosaurs (which, inexplicably, they kept petting).

    Some of the spoofs drew the ire of the spoofees. Columbia Pictures insisted they stop running “Credit Busters” (modeled on Ghostbusters). And Chuck Berry’s lawyer sent a cease-and-desist letter when they released an ad called “Credit B. Goode.”

    The big advantage of low-budget commercials, Stein says, was that they offered a lot of bang for your buck. Most were produced at the KPLR (Channel 11) studio and ran during The Three Stooges, Saturday movies and late-night TV.

    KPLR sweetened the deal by producing them for free.

    “We might’ve spent five- or six-thousand dollars to produce them,” says Henry Elbert, the network’s ad executive who handled the Schweig Engel account. “But they might’ve spent thirty thousand a year to have the ads run.”

    They weren’t risk-free, Elbert concedes.

    “A lot of times people won’t shop at your store because your commercials are so stupid,” explains Elbert, who played Pinnochio in one spot. “But people will remember you. And the bottom line is, when you’re trying to sell something, you never know when somebody’s going to buy. So when they are going to buy, you want that top-of-the-mind awareness.”

    And the big takeaway from each and every Schweig Engel episode was that anybody could secure some kind of credit. To back up this guarantee, they swore that any customer denied credit was formally invited to: punch them in the nose; pop off their heads; blast them with pies; run over them with a free Mercedes-Benz; pull the credit manger out to the parking lot to run him over; obtain a free mountain bike and run over Mike Stein. (There was a distinct emphasis on vehicular assault.)

    Stein estimates he personally approved a half-million credit applications in a fifteen-year span. He denies that any serious assaults took place.

    Jim Winkle, a former producer for KPLR, has an altogether different theory for the success of not only Schweig Engel, but Mizerany, “Becky, Queen of Carpet” and all businesses trafficking in goofball pitches: It was a subtle decoy.

    “I always thought they wanted to give people the impression that they’re dumb so that people would come in and try to take advantage ’em on the price,” Winkle says. “They thought that would get people in the store. What’s that phrase? They were crazy, crazy like foxes.”


    By the mid-’90s, Schweig Engel had ballooned from 11 employees in one store to 65 employees in three locations.

    “The community took care of us,” Lewis remembers. “Mike took the bars off the windows at our Natural Bridge location. That said a lot for north city. And we only had one break-in.”

    The love spilled outside of the retail space. “I couldn’t go to the airport without someone recognizing me,” John North recalls. “It got to the point that people thought we were celebrities.”

    The national affiliate stations considered Schweig Engel’s rise newsy. During an interview with ABC Stein said, “If a person got up and went to the restroom,” he said, “or went to get a peanut butter-and-jelly sandwich during my ad, I think I’d die.”

    On KSDK (Channel 5), Art Holliday asked the boys whether they took it as a compliment that Riverfront Times referred to their spots in a 1991 article as “the most absurd on television” and “deranged.”

    “Oh yes,” Stein replied. “We shoot for being the worst commercial in St. Louis.”

    In the 1990s, Schweig Engel began buying ad space on cable in the city, says Jeff McCann, formerly an advertising salesman at TCI.

    “There wasn’t a lot on cable yet,” McCann says. “But Mike bought into it. He knew how to get his name out there.”

    McCann adds that it wasn’t just the ads that created a buzz.

    “When you walked into Schweig Engel you’d see all those guys,” says McCann. There was Mike, there was John, there was Warren. They were that accessible. And I think that’s why they did so well as long as they did.”

    The Schweig Engel party ended in 2004. Stein says the business was still profitable, but the partners were ready to move on. The original building is now, ironically, a National Rent-to-Own.

    Stein became manager of Alro Heating & Cooling in St. Ann. John North moved to DeBary, Florida, where he now runs two separate businesses (one manages credit-card fees for other companies). Warren Lewis works for Value City Furniture but, while vice president at Schweig Engel, took great pride in having risen from maintenance man to the first company officer from outside the family. (He was also one of the very first black furniture buyers in the United States.)

    Stein says he and North are planning on flying out to LA in early 2012 to make the Funny or Die commercials. He’s kicking around an Iron Man spoof. Meanwhile, Nick Corirossi is salivating.

    “Look at all the stuff they did with green screen,” he says. “Can you imagine what they’d do with the new technology, when they have the run of things?”


    Slyman Brothers: Try Us, You’ll Like Us

    Bob Slyman Jr. says hardly a day goes by without a customer walking into one of his family’s appliance stores and asking about the company’s television ads from the 1970s and ’80s.

    The commercial that launched them all first appeared on St. Louis airwaves in 1972 and featured Slyman’s father, Bob, and uncle Harry Slyman superimposed as if they were sitting atop the Gateway Arch.

    “Thanks for making us tops in town,” the brothers announced before ending the spot with the company’s tagline: “Try us, you’ll like us.”

    Slyman Jr. says his father and uncle came up with the idea for that first commercial themselves, and it didn’t take long for the ad to pay off — big time.

    “They opened the business in 1965, the year the Arch was completed, so it was a natural tie-in,” he says. “Within a year or so of running those spots business increased 20 to 30 percent.”

    So successful were the commercials that the brothers nearly did away completely with all other forms of advertising. Over the years they’d create dozens more commercials, filming the first few in the studios at Channel 5. Later they’d move production to the company’s stores. Perhaps the most memorable commercial — besides the spot on top of the Arch — was the ad featuring their mother.

    “They wanted to emphasize that we are a family business, so the spot showed my dad and uncle loading a truck with appliances and then banging on the side of the trailer and yelling, ‘OK, Mom, take it away.’”

    Truth be told, though, mom Slyman never actually appeared in the advertisement. The camera cut away from the cab as the vehicle pulled off the lot.

    “Years later we wanted to do a similar commercial — only this time it would be her grandkids telling her to ‘take it away,’” says Slyman Jr. “But she wouldn’t do it. She was too embarrassed.”

    Now in its third generation, Slyman Brothers is still making its own commercials featuring Bob Jr., his brother and sister — Jon and Darlene — and their children.

    “I don’t know if it’s a St. Louis thing or what, but people do seem pretty surprised when they come into the store and see that we’re actually here — just like in the commercials,” says Slyman Jr. “Once in a while they even ask for autographs.” — Chad Garrison


    Steve Mizerany: “Godfather” of Slap-Schtick

    Before Schweig Engel was the King of Credit, Steve Mizerany was the undisputed King of Crazy. “Don’t be confused!” he exhorted St. Louisans during the 1970s and ’80s, roller-skating through the New Deal store — a TV and appliance outfit owned by him and his childhood friend, Joe Farhatt, located at “4719 Gravois, next to the Bevo Mill!”

    He called his salesmen “The Decent Boys.” Some associates had nicknames such as “Jelly Roll” and “The Moose.” But it was Mizerany — the son of Lebanese immigrants in St. Raymond’s parish — who courted the spotlight with his crown, suspenders and loud polyester suits. (He later donated the roller skates to the Missouri History Museum).

    He also took to the radio waves. After leaving the New Deal store in 1989, Mizerany did some radio spots for Warehouse of Waterbeds, owned by a pair of nieces. “If you ain’t sleepin’ on water,” he said, “you otter!”

    Former Post-Dispatch columnist Elaine Viets once wrote that Mizerany’s voice squeaked and squealed “like a pig in a packing plant.”

    “He was always kind of like that,” recalls Jim Winkle, a KPLR producer at the time, who shot some of Mizerany’s spots. “But he would get to a new level when the camera was rolling. When it was all done, he might sit down and talk quieter, because his voice was tired from screaming and chasing a monkey around the room.”

    He also displayed a philanthropic streak. It was Mizerany who put together the Annual St. Louis Police Relief Celebrity Ballgame during the 1970s. Raised funds went to families of officers killed in the line of duty.

    A month after his death last April, 14th Ward alderwoman Carol Howard honored him before a full board meeting as “one of the pioneers of TV commercials.”

    “He was just a character,” said Howard, “and a very kind and wonderful businessman.” — Nicholas Phillips


    Uncle Leonard Lewis: Heavyweight Vendor

    I’m the only guy around that can give a girl 50 inches,” Uncle Leonard Lewis told Riverfront Times in 1991. “Of TV that is — don’t get excited.”

    Lewis spent much of his 43-year career at Leonard’s TV at 6800 Natural Bridge Road in Pine Lawn. When he wasn’t selling televisions, he was appearing on them in his trademark Greek fishing cap, alongside athletic greats such as Muhammed Ali, Vince Coleman and Brett Hull (all of whom dwarfed the short businessman).

    “That’s right, folks,” he said in one spot, sidling up to Cardinals pitcher John Tudor. “Come on down to Leonard’s TV, and I’ll give you a major-league deal on a Panasonic camcorder! It’s got auto-focus, remote-control, power zoom, audio dub, omni search, and instant playback, and best of all [pumping fist], the Uncle Leonard big discount!”

    “Now that’s what I call a fast pitch,” Tudor said.

    Click here to watch some of Uncle Leonard’s old TV spots.

    At his peak, Lewis owned six stores. He once offered a sweet deal on a new TV for any kind of trade-in — even “your old mother-in-law.”

    Some didn’t quite get his schtick. When he joked on JC Corcoran’s morning show that people should invest in color air conditioners, Lewis later got a dozen calls from folks pressing for more details.

    By the time he retired in 1992, he’d notched on his belt 43 years in the business. He’d even garnered a Sons of the Desert Celebrity of the Year honor for being “the person who best fosters the spirit of Laurel and Hardy in what they say or do.” But even in his twilight years, before his death at age 91 in 2002, he couldn’t resist the lure of the silver screen: He appeared in commercials for a local Wendy’s franchise.

    Yet as much as he loved attention, he could also be modest. When KDNL (Channel 30) ran a segment on his life in the late ’90s, they mentioned three different people down on their luck who’d received unsolicited checks from Lewis.

    “Uncle Leonard never told us about these good deeds,” the reporter said. “We found them all in local newspapers.” — Nicholas Phillips


    Home Furniture: No Monkey Business

    When the Fredman family decided in the late 1970s that it was time to advertise their Collinsville-based Home Furniture on television, S. Fredman, then a twentysomething-year-old store manager, knew that the television spots had to stand out from the competition.

    “My mother always had this expression that she’d tolerate ‘no monkey business,’ and I thought that could make for a clever commercial,” he says. “Initially, I wanted to get a real monkey that I could chase around the store, but my wife said it would probably bite me.”

    The solution? Fredman drove to south St. Louis and rented himself a gorilla’s suit. Over the next twenty years that same gorilla outfit would appear in dozens of ads for Home Furniture. Each ad was more or less the same. Fredman would interview a business professional from the community about their occupation.

    “Say it was a journalist,” explains the 68-year-old Fredman. “I’d ask: ‘If someone plagiarizes your work, would that make you mad?’ He or she would answer, ‘Well, no. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.’ Then I’d ask a similar question or two until finally asking: ‘What if someone you know bought home furnishing and paid delivery fees, finance charges and other ‘monkey business’ expenses? Would that that make you mad?’ At that point the person would say, ‘Yes, that would make me mad!’ And the monkey would appear on the scene and would get physically hit by the sap who’s being interviewed, and we’d end with the tagline: ‘At Home furniture there is no monkey business!’”

    Immediately after the first ad hit the airwaves (featuring Fredman’s nephew in the monkey suit), business at Home Furniture increased 25 percent. “People were even asking for out autographs,” recalls Fredman.

    Not everyone found the commercials amusing.

    “One bit we did was with an insurance agent asking him if he’d be angry if someone bought a million-dollar policy and then jumped off the Gateway Arch to collect,” says Fredman. “That same spot had been running for months, maybe years, when a person in a parachute actually hit the Arch and fell to his death. We got a call from someone accusing us of making light of the tragedy. We pulled the ad.”

    Fredman says that he aimed at perfection in those first commercials, demanding that they shoot dozens of takes. “Eventually, we’d do two or three takes, and it was done,” he says.

    More important than perfection was that the commercial had a “schtick” — something that Fredman says fellow advertiser Steve Mizerany, who’d roller-skate through his south St. Louis appliance store in his television ads, had in spades.

    “I used to teach a business administration course at St. Louis Community College, and I’d invite Mizerany in to talk to the students,” says Fredman. “He was the godfather of interesting commercials.”

    Until earlier this year, Home Furniture was still running on cable television some of the same commercials it filmed in the early 1990s. Fredman says the store — in business since 1935 — wasn’t seeing as great a return on investment as it used to from the ads. Still, he doesn’t know why more local retailers don’t have a little more fun with their commercials.

    “Unless you’re a funeral home, I think you can make some jokes.”— Chad Garrison


    Becky, Queen of Carpet: Flies Over the Competition

    No matter how high you may have been while watching TV in the 1990s, you weren’t higher than Becky “Queen of Carpet” Rothman and Wanda “Princess of Tile” Kilzer. You did not glide above the Arch on a magic carpet. (Get it? No? You’re still high.)

    Becky and Wanda owned that marketing airspace. They sometimes invited copilots: Cardinals pitcher Greg Mathews. Steve & D.C., morning-show DJs. Diane “Mother” MacKenzie from KIX 104 FM. Even Steve Mizerany, who called them “Decent Girls.”

    But it was they and they alone who promised “rich man’s carpeting at working man’s prices.”

    As business buzzed, the spots got crazier. In 1992, Becky leaped from the Arch and landed safely on the magic carpet. Two years later, she jumped and missed, plummeted to the ground, then simpered into the camera, her crown crooked, birds tweeting in the background (which always means brain injury).

    Click here to watch some of Becky’s old TV spots.

    By the early aughts, Wanda “Princess of Tile” Kilzer had left the company. She died last February.

    Wanda’s departure didn’t mean that Becky flew solo. In 2001 Rothman touted her stain-resistant carpet by soaring along with her large dog (she was, at the time, a devoted breeder of Doberman pinschers).

    “Everybody loves their pets, but they can ruin your carpet!” she says as the spot opens to brassy military music. The dog yawns.

    After Rothman had gastrointestinal surgery in 2003, she lost 185 pounds. She began to appear more sprightly in her ads. In fact, the spots took some Schweig Engel-esque turns. In one, she was struck by lightning. In a more recent commercial, she says, “I’ve got so many things on sale, my head’s going to explode.” And then it does.

    Other local advertisers took notice. In 2004 adult novelty store Very Intimate Playthings ran a parody of Rothman’s ads with porn star Ron Jeremy dressed in drag and floating on a carpet above the Gateway Arch. The Queen of Carpet was not amused.

    That year Riverfront Times wrote how Rothman called KTVI, demanding that VIP’s ads be pulled. Apparently, she wasn’t happy with us reporting that story, either. She was unwilling to call us back last week about her brilliant ads of the ’80s and ’90s and 2000s. We’ll leave the space below for her to chime in, should she wish.

    “….”

    Mark Earls, who has produced Becky’s commercials since the 1980s, tells RFT that her sales numbers exploded the more outlandish her ads became.

    “It’s hard to call it a ‘regular’ commercial when it’s someone wearing a crown and flying on a carpet,” jokes Earls, who’s also worked with car dealer Jim Trenary and InstaCredit Automart. “But when we do the more regular commercials, she doesn’t get as many phone calls as when she does something crazy. When we do those crazy things, her phone rings. That stuff works.”— Nicholas Phillips

  • Rare Glimpse Into Underground Tunnels of River Des Peres

    Rare Glimpse Into Underground Tunnels of River Des Peres

    Sunlight pours into the stairs to the River Des Peres.

    The entrance to the tunnels of the River Des Peres lies hidden beneath a grate east of the Forest Park Visitor Center. Lift the metal cover and a staircase descends 40 feet into the cool darkness.

    For more than 100 years the River Des Peres has traversed the park out of public view. It was the 1904 World’s Fair that first prompted city leaders to bury the river, which by then had become something of an open sewer. They enclosed the water in a wooden channel and sealed it on top with a roadway.

    Years later — in 1915 — a storm dumped seven inches of rain on St. Louis and the waters were too much for the flood-prone River Des Peres to handle. The resulting deluge killed 11 people and destroyed hundreds of homes. The river had to be tamed, once and for all.

    Thus began a project that today remains an engineering marvel — and a reminder that much of the region’s water and sewer system is rapidly nearing the end of its lifespan.

     

    Unlike the open-air sections of River Des Peres, the tunnels below Forest Park contain a mixture of sewage and stormwater.

    Unlike the open-air sections of River Des Peres, the tunnels below Forest Park contain a mixture of sewage and stormwater.

    This week the Metro Water Infrastructure Partnership released a study highlighting the need to replace aging sewer pipes running through the St. Louis region. According to the partnership, much of region’s storm and wastewater system must be replaced within the next two decades.

    For being nearly 90 years old, the tunnels through Forest Park look to be in remarkable shape. Still, rebar can be seen poking out of some fractured sections of the giant channels, which are 32 feet wide. After a media tour of the tunnels today, Metropolitan Sewer District spokesman Lance LeComb told Daily RFT that his agency must improve the pump stations near Manchester and Macklind avenues, where the tunnels empty.

    “That’s part of our efforts to comply with the EPA,” says LeComb. “We need excess capacity to store sewage during periods of heavy rain, so it doesn’t mix with stormwater.”

    MSD is seeking approval to begin $4.7 billion in infrastructure work over the next quarter-century. Construction of the tunnels beneath Forest Park, by contrast, cost about $11 million and took about three years to complete, from 1927 to 1930.

    Continue on to view more photos from inside the tunnels.

  • The Piano Made of Fruit, and Four More Edible Instruments

    Really, who hasn’t played air guitar on a baguette? (Uh, y’all, why is mine the only hand raised here?) But a working musical instrument made out of actual food?

    That’s pretty damn cool.

    We were amazed by this video, via Gawker, of a working piano that a hacker collective called NYC Resistor made out of fruit:

    Naturally, we had to search for other examples of musical food (beans don’t count)…

    This guy has made a bit of a name for himself on the Internet playing songs on vegetables. Here he is playing a pan flute made from carrots:

    This guy, on the other hand, turns his carrot into a clarinet. (Though we’re not sure whether to be impressed or to deduct points for his use of non-food items for a richer sound):