An RFT Quiz: Is This Guy's Name Mike 'Parson' or Mike 'Parsons'?

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Mike Parple, is that you? - SCREENSHOT VIA YOUTUBE
Mike Parple, is that you?

In recent days, it has become clear that very few people have any idea what the name of the governor of Missouri even is, actually.

All across social media, as states' governors have been in the spotlight owing to the fact our federal government has apparently abdicated all responsibility in the midst of a pandemic, there has been complete confusion as to whether the man who leads our fine state has an "S" at the end of his name. The bewilderment seems to come from both ends of the political spectrum, from supporters and detractors alike. Nobody seems to be quite sure what to even call this guy.

Here are just a few examples:

The confusion is dizzying, and can be equated to a few things:

1. Nobody voted for him to be governor

Mike was placed in office after the guy who had been voted in, Eric Greitens, turned out to be a big weirdo creep. No one ever saw Mike's name on the ballot for the race for governor, therefore no one is quite sure.

2. He hasn't really done much

As an example, his stay-at-home order friendly suggestion in light of the coronavirus outbreak came far later than most medical professionals would have preferred, and even then it was fairly toothless. It can be hard to know what a man's name is if that man never does anything that gets your attention.

3. Everyone remembers voting for a guy with an "S" at the end of his name

Weirdo creep ex-governor definitely had an "S" — we know that for sure. Doesn't this guy?

4. "Parson" is remarkably close to "person"

While is is technically acceptable grammar to use the word "persons" as the plural form of "person," it feels weird — people are far more likely to say "people." And so, too, does it feel weird to say the word "Parsons." Maybe this guy's last name is "Parple?"

So in light of these facts, and in an effort to get to the bottom of this confusion without visiting anyone's campaign website (ew), we present to you an official RFT poll: What is the name of the current governor of the state of Missouri?

No cheating, please, just drop your answer below and then — and only then! — feel free to Google away. Good luck to all the good persons of Missouri.

Seriously, what the hell is the governor of Missouri's name?
Mike Parson
Mike Parsons
Mike Parple?
All of the above/doesn't matter
Created with PollMaker

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About The Author

Daniel Hill

Daniel Hill is editor at large for the Riverfront Times and he demands to be taken seriously, despite all evidence to the contrary. Follow him on Twitter at @rftmusic.
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