All-Star Banner is Perfect for Fixer-Upper Fans...and it's only $250

click to enlarge Click for larger version.
Click for larger version.
(Cue Unreal's best Billy Mays carnival barker voice)

Expecting company soon? Own a fixer-upper home that needs a facelift?! Just don't have the time or budget for those costly repairs?! Lucky for you, Unreal is here to help!

For the low, low one-time buy-now price of just $250, you can own an official MLB All-Star banner. This 2 1/2 foot by 7 foot piece of custom screen-printed fabric once graced the streets of downtown St. Louis and impressed baseball fans from across the country with the festive splendor of a city sprucing up for the national spotlight.

Yes, buy now and we'll throw in a FREE certificate of authentication from the St. Louis Cardinals at no extra cost. It's guaranteed to convince several hundred thousand guests that your home is in tip-top condition and a baseball mecca to boot.

Call 1-800-ALL-STAR-SUCKA to order now and SAVE! We'll even throw in a free softball field for that giant water-filled crater in your backyard. 

(Offer void where prohibited, shipping and handling not included, call for details,some assembly required) 

Scroll to read more St. Louis Metro News articles

Join Riverfront Times Newsletters

Subscribe now to get the latest news delivered right to your inbox.