Hartmann: the Strange Mind of a Homophobic Missouri Legislator

I’m sure you’ve gone to a movie based on a novel and heard the expression, “You really need to read the book.”

Well, there’s a twist to that old adage with the “Don’t Say Gay” bill that was introduced last Wednesday in the Missouri House. It’s not enough to have read the bill or even a news account of the bill.
No, you need to see the movie.

In this case, the movie would be a snippet of must-see video of Representative Ann Kelley, R-Lamar, discussing House Bill 634, which she is sponsoring, at the Elementary and Secondary Education Committee.

Kelley casts it as a “a bill to protect parental rights.” It has a number of fuzzy and troubling provisions, but the one that makes the headlines — and which she didn’t shrink from at the hearing — is that “school personnel are not allowed to provide classroom instruction relating to sexual orientation or gender identity.”

This comedy gold — on a par with the best of SNL — can be seen right here at the Missouri House website.

Kelley’s state website notes that she spent 13 years working as an English Language Arts teacher with the Lamar School District. So, one might assume she comes well-prepared for the mission of addressing LGBTQ issues as they pertain to public education.

Then again, one might not want to assume that.

I hope you take 38 minutes to see for yourself, starting at the 9:48:30 mark. For those who cannot, I believe the best way to present Kelley is with her own words, verbatim.

Right from the start Kelley admitted that it was largely the same bill passed by the Florida legislature March 8 of last year, and signed into law by Governor Ron DeSantis, amid much national fanfare. She quoted parts of the bill awkwardly, as if she was reading it the first time rather than having authored it.

That became painfully clear when fellow legislators hammered her with questions that mostly ended in the response, “I don’t know.”

If you’re an aficionado of political humor, I cannot recommend this part of the video enough. My personal favorite was the grilling she received from her fellow Republican Representative Phil Christofanelli of St. Peters, who happens to be gay.

During his annihilation of his Republican colleague, Christofanelli seized upon a reference Kelley had made earlier in which she said, “we don’t go around saying George Washington was heterosexual.”

It went like this:

Christofanelli: Your mentioned George Washington. Who is Martha Washington?
Kelley: His wife?
Christofanelli: Under your bill, how could you mention that in a classroom?
Kelley: So, to me, that’s not sexual orientation.
Christofanelli: Really? So, it’s only really certain sexual orientations that you want prohibited from introduction in the classroom.
Kelley: Do you have language to make that better?
Christofanelli: I didn’t introduce your bill. I didn’t write it. You wrote it. So, I’m asking what it means. Which sexual orientations do you believe should be prohibited from Missouri classrooms?
Kelley: This is my personal belief: that we all have a moral compass and that my moral compass is compared with Bible [sic].

Were this a prize fight, Kelley’s corner would have thrown in a whole pail of towels. But it wasn’t. Christofanelli quickly ascertained that Kelley had never heard of Harvey Milk, the first gay man elected to public office in California.

Even more shocking, this state legislator and former schoolteacher — fighting gay rights — did not know what the Obergefell decision was (the one legalizing same-sex marriage).

No wonder Kelley came off as someone who had copied someone else’s work. She did not pretend otherwise. The most bizarre part of her presentation had been a memorable moment in which she attacked the enforcement section of her own bill.

“There are also penalty provisions for violations,” she told the committee. “I hate penalty provisions, and I’m open to change this. One idea I had was, once the family has gone through a due process [sic] that they can appeal to the state School Board and request a school transfer to another district and that tuition be waived [sic]. So that’s one idea I had.”

I don’t believe it’s customary for a bill’s sponsor to challenge one of its provisions while introducing it to a House committee. But I suppose offering an opinion on how to improve your own bill is the next best thing to improving it yourself before submitting it as legislation.

So, it’s impossible to believe Kelley’s claim that the bill would not prevent students from discussing their home lives with one another or including such information in their schoolwork. Nor it her claim that counselors could still “do their jobs” were it enacted.

Who does Kelley think she is? An expert on this bill?

But it is true that Kelley added her own stamp in one place. Kelley proudly proclaimed that she was expanding Florida’s bill – which was limited to students in K-3 – to apply “don’t say gay” all the way through high school.

We just made Florida look rational. God helps us.

Kelley revealed some of her own thinking — if you want to call it that — about why she boarded this MAGA train:

“The reason I bring this bill to you this morning is because it’s the parent’s job to teach their children about sexual orientation and gender identity. Parents decide how they want to handle those topics. They do not have a place in a school setting. As a teacher, we must keep our personal beliefs out of the classroom, and this has not been happening.

“This bill will not have a big impact on most school districts and most teachers because they’re teaching and doing their job. However, for the teachers or school districts that are integrating their personal views in their classroom instruction, then yes, it’s my intention to get them to stop.

“A teacher’s job is to teach all students, and this can and should be done by supporting rights and liberties for all persons regardless of sexual orientation.”

Now that sounded pretty good. But Kelley didn’t stop there.

“It is not the place of the school to indoctrinate our children by exposing them to gender and sexual identity curriculums [sic] and courses. It is not the teacher’s responsibility to integrate political nuances and inclusive language in their instruction or to infirm [sic] their students’ identity questioning.

“Kids are kids. All kids must deal with trying to find their place, trying to fit in, trying to find out who they are as a person. This is completely natural. Some kids take a while before they know who they are and what makes them special. Kids are also very naïve and easily influenced.

“Therefore, we must keep our educational instruction pure, without the political nuances. We must allow kids to grow and develop on their own accord, without indoctrination or manipulation.”

Pure? That’s a revealing choice of words if ever there was one. In Kelley’s narrow little mind, heterosexuality equates with purity and everyone else? Why, school’s no place for their “political nuances.”

This is all just pathetic. But I still want to see the sequel.

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