Turkey Day Plan

Behold, Thanksgiving Thursday. Often the only non-snowday Thursday holiday in the entire year, and people (read: "the wife") expect you to get up early and head downtown for the annual Ameren Missouri Thanksgiving Day Parade? What sort of insanity is this? Just roll with it for a moment and consider the following. If you spend all morning standing in the cool-to-cold St. Louis air, watching the high school marching bands, the floats, the carriages and equestrian units and the old guys in the tiny cars pass by, you're burning precious calories trying to stay warm. You'll burn even more if you pace a bit, or hold a tot (your own, preferably) on your shoulders for the duration. And then who's the guy who shows up to dinner at the in-laws with the appetite of a ravenous cave bear who ejected too early from hibernation? You are. You're going to eat so much turkey and stuffing, you lucky sonofagun. You might be the only person in the house who goes back for thirds on the pie, and you won't feel overstuffed at all. This year's parade starts at 8:45 a.m. at the intersection of North Fourth Street and Washington Avenue (www.christmasinstlouis.org). Admission is free. Dress warmly, but not too warmly, if you know what I mean. You're welcome.
Thu., Nov. 22, 2012