Ten Dumbest Criminals of 2012 in St. Louis

It doesn't take much to become a criminal. But these ten people take criminal behavior to a whole new level -- of stupidity. Really, it takes some effort to fail this miserably. And so we honor the ten stupidest criminals in the St. Louis area/Missouri of 2012.

See also: Ten Worst Crimes of 2012

10. Baron Calmese, Jr. Calmese, who, in his 29 years had amassed a long criminal record, was cooling his heels for a while, staying with his sister in Spanish Lake. Calmese was also broke. His four-year-old nephew, however, had some substantial savings in his piggy bank. One day, Calmese asked his sister if he could borrow some quarters from the kid. His sister allowed him two dollars. Instead, Calmese took the entire bank, $500, and promptly invested it in, in his words, "a piece of ass and some heroin."

It was just like this! With John Wayne and everything!
It was just like this! With John Wayne and everything!

9. Unnamed local man. One afternoon last May, an unnamed local man -- perhaps nostalgic for the days when St. Louis was part of the wild west -- decided to hijack a horse-drawn carriage, the kind that takes visitors on romantic tours of downtown. Perhaps it would have helped if he'd known how to drive a carriage. Instead, once the hijacked driver leaped from the carriage, his horse, Harry, bravely bolted toward his stable with the driver and some military men in hot pursuit. In the barn, waited the police -- and, one hopes, oats, or whatever heroic horses eat these days.

8. Teryun Jackson. Jackson and his pal Marlon K. Jackson were already inmates in the St. Clair county jail, which may have inspired a pair of wiser men to stay on the straight and narrow. Instead, the two Jacksons decided to attack a third inmate over a small matter of gambling debts. In the heat of the moment, Teryun Jackson bit off the man's ear. He hurried to a nearby toilet to flush the evidence. Yeah, because a guy with a missing ear isn't suspicious at all.

Commit two crimes at once!
Commit two crimes at once!

7. Jennifer Vaughn. Let it not be said that we scorn efficiency. Why do just one thing at a time when you can multitask? But Vaughn took efficiency to a whole new level one evening last June when she was arrested while shoplifting at a south county Walmart. While searching her purse, police discovered a one-pot meth lab cooking in a twenty-ounce soda bottle. Probably would have been all ready when she got home, if only those pesky security cameras hadn't interfered!

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